Ten Things I Learned When I Lost My Job Overseas

10 Things I Learned When I lost my Job Overseas

 

One of the most unsettling life events that a person can face is the loss of income upon which one depends. This is what I faced in February, 2016. After being told that my government embassy contract was going to be extended another year, two weeks later, the entire program itself was cut. I got no notice. Just, “We and the American People do not need you any more.” It was a stunning blow. I had spent 2 years living on a knife’s edge, financially, while fighting to simultaneously earn a master’s degree, recover from a very traumatic relationship, and start an international NGO. I was terrified to go back to that place, of knowing I could lose my home at any moment (which I did, in 2014), or knowing that if I had any major medical issues at all, it was most likely almost an absolute death sentence. The usual doubt and sadness and panic that one feels in such situations was compounded this time by the fact that I am living alone in a foreign country where paid opportunities for foreigners are scarce at best. Of course I was devastated, and I realized very quickly that I had to face the possibility I was NOT going to have steady income again any time soon.

 

1.     1.  Everyone is expendable- do not put your eggs all in one basket

 

I had a job that supposedly nobody else could do, and it was easily, with travel time and work I did from home included, demanding 60-80 hours/ week of my time- which left almost no time at all either for a work-life balance, or for staying current on other options or income streams. I decided I was ok with that because it paid well, especially for the country I live in. However, in a volatile political environment, depending on an income is a huge danger.  It is natural to want to think that your hard work and dedication will pay off and be noticed and rewarded- as would happen in a just world. It is comforting to think that you have job security because you have a specialty niche at your workplace. The truth is far more impersonal, and often decisions are made in back rooms on paper that affect human beings and their lives. There is no guarantee any more that anyone will have a job tomorrow. I have learned to think at least 3 stages ahead, what would I do if/when the unthinkable happens, and I or my position am/are considered disposable? Having side income may not cover all of the bills in the event of a sudden job loss, but it certainly is nice to have something else lined up, even “just” freelance work, that can be leveraged at any given moment. When I lost my job, even before I wrote the exit essay the organization wanted, I was online updating my resume and ramping up a small home side business. I have learned the clear value of always having more than one income stream at any given time. I have often lived on $3/ day or less… but it is nice having that $3 when I am hungry.

 

 

 

2.      2. Your circumstance is not a reflection of your worth

 

We have a terrible tendency in the Western world to evaluate somebody’s “worth” based on their current earning situation. If somebody falls on hard times, we tend to moralize and even shame them for their situation. It is nice to think that it is their fault that they got laid off or fired or downsized, or, in my own case, also held up for two years getting legal documentation for work, lined up. When I lost my job n 2016, I very quickly fell into the negative feedback cycle of self-blame and desperation. It became very easy to stay up at night panicking about being on the street in 2 weeks, and these are thoughts and feelings that still plague me. In order to survive for the long haul, I had to learn to disengage my own self-worth form what someone was willing to pay me. I had to work on establishing myself as an independent professional in more than one field, to get to a place where I could be paid again and my work valued. This has been one of the hardest adjustments to make. It is difficult to not feel bitter when I know I work previously was valued at $25/ hour, and now I live off of the $.50- $3/ hour the world is currently valuing my work at. After the rent, and electric, and internet are paid, there often is very little left over for food, and nothing for entertainment, medical access, travel, a night out with friends. It has been a challenge to not think, “it is always going to be like this.” We know that living in poverty is insidious that way. Every moment becomes a calculated bid for survival, and what is robbed is the sense of security, of joy in life, of hope that tomorrow will finally bring better things if you just keep your head down and stay the course. When we fall into these situations, we have to remember- a paycheck is not the only way your worth and contribution to the word is or can be or should be valued.

 

 

 

3.     3.  Everyone has advice- but few are willing to help

 

People giving advice are a dime a dozen “You should just…” is very easy to say to somebody who finds them self in a difficult circumstance. Those “justs” often entail the reality of a full day to week’s-worth of uncompensated work in preparing an application- which in my field often entails a cover letter, tailored resume, essay, video, Excel file with salary justification, and fully designed project plan. Doing “just” one job application is often the equivalent of running a mental marathon. Not to mention that, in the developing world, part of the reason that it IS the developing world, is that a position is only opened up on paper because legally it has to be. In many cases, the people in charge of hiring already know who they want- but the law says they have to interview 5 people- essentially wasting the time of 5 applicants and the hiring team itself. The best strategy for getting paid work is often getting an “in”- a personal letter of recommendation, someone playing up your strengths and contributions in conversation, somebody thinking to include you, somebody passing on your resume and credentials to the hiring manager with a personal note. Sometimes it comes down to just sitting with you and assuring you that you are not alone when you fill out your 5^th damned application of the week.  I have learned that people willing to do this for you are worth their weight in gold. Never underestimate the smallest gestures of goodwill and real assistance. You will get a lot of sympathy, a ton of advice- but real help or presence is very limited. Cherish these people who give it, and thank them for it. I have learned to appreciate beyond words the things that I depend to keep my spirits up while the process drags on- everything from a professional referral to a donation of food for my home to a consulting entity that actually pays me for the work I complete for them.

 

 

 

4.     4.  No matter what, you still have a commitment to you

 

This was another tough lesson for me. I started the process, after losing my job, believing that I would do things for myself when I “earned” them- take a walk, go be in nature for a day, work on my health goals, go on a date, learn a new skill, work on my thesis. I had erroneously thought that it would just be a matter of weeks before I was back on my feet. I had to slowly learn to build walks and the occasional bath and a coffee date with a friend into my daily routine of grinding out application after application. I had to develop a strategy to continue towards long-term personal goals, and not just think that a paying “job” had to be the end-all, be-all. Even in purest survival mode, I had to remember to live, too. It is not always easy- I find it very difficult still to justify any money I spend on myself that is not directly related to finding financial support. Even things as small as buying a $1.60 used blouse that I like in the thrift store; taking advantage of a $3 book offer on my Kindle; or eating an actual sandwich for lunch instead of crackers and bread; taking a few hours for my unpaid poetry and artwork; taking an evening off writing to watch stars or go to a cinema café with my significant other- these things become major decisions. They do not happen every day, but I try to make one of them happen once a week or so, simply to remind myself of my own need for human dignity. If I am going to have the stamina I need to keep putting myself out there and trying, I also need to remind myself of what I am living for. It is important to stay authentic.

 

 

 

5.    5.   Your economic situation is not what kills you. Isolation is

 

Being broke and scared is a terrible emotional place to be, but it is not the worst part I have faced in this process. Being isolated and disconnected from my community, friends, and peers is far worse.  I think that it is when we are facing the toughest situations that we most need our peer support group. Every human being feels the need to belong, to be seen, heard, and appreciated. There are long stretched between sales, consulting work, and/ or donation support where my economic situation does not permit me to leave the house for several days at a time, and these days can be pure emotional agony. Worse when they occur on a weekend, and you see everyone else in your social network out doing things that they take for granted, that you cannot. I have learned to treasure the people willing to come to my home on these days, and I have learned to place a huge emotional value on maintaining my social connections any way I can afford to on any given week. I could save more money by never going out to our poetry events, or not attending local seminars and think tanks in my field- but these connections are the proverbial glue holding my spiritual and emotional self together. I have learned to consider my quality time in the presence of friends and colleagues equally as important as time spent job searching and filling out applications. One of the very best things I did for my situation is invite student in need to stay at my home 2 days a week, while taking time to train him valuable life skills that he is now using to repay me by taking some of the burden of grant-writing off of my shoulders. Maintaining a sense of presence and worth with others has been a large part of what has kept me going for these past 2.5 years. I am grateful for the people who keep inviting me to participate on things, and keep helping me open doors. I would encourage everyone to look around their friends list and make it a point to reach out and include someone who has been feeling excluded and isolated. It makes a genuine difference.

 

  

 

6.    6.   There may sometimes be a silver lining, but that does NOT mean that your misfortune [or anyone else’s] “is for the better”

 

When I was employed at my last salaried position, I had to give up a lot of things that were important to me in order to maintain my paycheck. My master’s degree was put on hold, I was discouraged from writing or serving in my community, my personal friendships with other people in embassy-funded work, including previous students of mine- were frowned upon. I was often only able to be home one day a week, and I had to resign from my own start-up organization. Losing my job paradoxically brought all of these things back into my life, and could be looked at as a kind of silver lining. Women who become unemployed often suddenly find themselves with more time for family and studies, etc. There are very few situations that do not have some kind proverbial silver lining. That being said, it is never ok to tell someone how “lucky” they are to suddenly have all of this time, or how fortunate it is that they can live off of donations and Gofundme or similar strategies without having to “work for a living.” First of all, I work far harder now than before I lost my “job.” Second, and more importantly, it is unfair to make light of anyone’s anxiety and distress after a major life change. It is not exaggeration to admit that I struggle with suicidal thoughts and crippling depression at least once a month, and I imagine I am nowhere near the only person in this situation. There is no way that you can slice poverty and genuine hardship into anything that can be labeled, “for the better.” Please don’t try.

 

 

 

7.    7.   There is always going to be more than one way to define “success”

 

I have been working at least half-time since I was 15. I prided myself on putting myself through college and university- twice. I had and have enjoyed promotions and professional recognition. I have been proud to have been involved in important initiatives. When I faced my two bouts of prolonged unemployment, I learned that I needed to start classifying my success stories by far more than earning a large paycheck. In my time without formal employment, I have published 5 books for myself and others, and am currently working on 4 more. I mastered a second language, and got involved again in my community and politically. I developed myself a lot further as an artist and writer. I was more available to reach out and help others, and turned my inclination for doing so into the launch of a professional coaching program. I re-entered the dating scene after a close to 4-year absence. I took control of several health problems and lost 75 pounds while recuperating my core strength. I started my farm and soil research program. I accepted invitations to present as an unpaid subject matter expert at national conferences. I became a better friend. I rejoined my NGO and trained my team. I taught in low-paid and volunteer capacity. None of these things have netted living wage yet, but taken together, they enrich my life and that of others that money alone cannot account for. Because I have learned to define success in a dozen small ways, I am better able most of the time to hold onto hope that I will soon receive the financial compensation piece that is the last part missing. I may still be broke, but I have learned to stop seeing myself as a failure.

 

 

 

8.     8.  Work is work- paid or unpaid, fully or only partly compensated

 

Here is a newsflash for people who like to tell others to just get a job- if you do anything that other people in other places would get paid to do, that is called work. Keeping a house is work. Caring for rescue dogs and doing emergency veterinary medicine is work. Writing grant applications every week for an NGO is work. Tending a farm is work. Designing a web site for someone is work. Translating a conversation for a tourist is work. Painting a wall is work. Making art for clients is work. Writing a scientific research paper is work. Filing documentation for a non-profit and selecting and meeting with a lawyer is work. Teaching a course is work. Preparing manuscripts for publication is work. As job hunters, we are advised to “be prepared to explain any employment gaps on our resume.” I believe that most of us are very active in all sorts of volunteer and behind-the-scenes and freelancing work- whether or not we receive fair compensation for our level of effort. I have a rule to not like to “chat” for extended periods between the hours of 8 am and 5:30 pm. I cannot tell you how many times I have said to someone, “Sorry, I am working on something,” only to have them come back with, “Oh how wonderful- you finally got a job?!” Work is work, and my goals count just as importantly for not receiving grand monetary compensation for the time being. I had to get over my own internal biases on this one, and remember to credit myself for all of my efforts- paid, underpaid, volunteer, self-directed, and otherwise- in every conversation I have. On my resume. On my LinkedIn profile. To my friends and family. To my colleagues. Yes, I am working. Harder than I perhaps almost ever have before. That does not mean I am financially breaking even yet. It does mean that my days are filled with meaningful, productive activity, development of skills, and processes that will set me up for my future.

 

 

 

9.      9.  Some of the most important things you do may not pay much at the beginning- prepare to have more than one strategy to get through a dry spell

 

Very much related to the above entry. I would first point out that I believe at least half of the world’s work is actually uncompensated or undercompensated, for the fact that it is being done by women in their homes and communities. Caring for children, planting gardens, providing care to the elderly, organizing neighborhood committees. Second, I can say from experience, that much of what you need to do in order to get established as a professional in any field, is going to involve a lot of back-end, behind-the-scenes research, testing, writing, public speaking, interviews, web searches, self-doubt and dozens of other things that have a cost to you to perform. These things are by and large necessary but also uncompensated in many cases. I have learned that I need to find way to compensate myself for the time I put into these activities- such as crowdfunding or taking on translation or website building jobs or flat out asking for donations to cover rent, food, and internet. I think that you have to believe that your efforts will pay off in the long run, and that through trial and error you will find a formula that works. Doing important work often means doing work that is inherently important to either you or to another human being or to the world at large. It does not mean that the value of what you are doing is reflected in your compensation. My creative start-up efforts net $100/ month on Patreon. Even here in the developing world, that is less than half of the rent. Yet I rely on those donations and feel obligated to show my donors that I am advancing. That alone, for many companies, is a full-time job of itself.

 

 

 

10.   10. It may or may not all be ok

 

We like to believe in the so-called Law of Attraction- if you are a good person and work hard, good things will come to you. You attract what you project. God is just and has a reward in store for you if you live a good life. It will all be ok in the end. You’ll make it. Etc. The truth is- the so-called Law of Attraction really only works for people who already have their basic economic and life needs met. The rest of us live knowing that today might be our last day. We do not take unnecessary risks, but necessity means that we get on public buses at 4 am after walking the streets in the dangerous part of town to get our documentation taken care of or get to a job interview. It means that we eat questionable food sometimes. It means that we walk carrying our laptop in high-crime areas because money does not always cover the taxi. It means that we live in non-gated, non-isolated communities. Sometimes, we do that alone, without others of our race or background around us. Especially as a woman, I face harassment and even sometimes threats, daily. No public social programs are available to me. Without income, I do not eat regularly, and I cannot go for routine health exams. I have become my own doctor, to the point of ordering my own lab tests when health situations warrant it. Against people like me, there is age discrimination and experience discrimination and gender discrimination and yes, believe it or not, race discrimination. This year has been especially hard, as several people close to me lost their lives very suddenly. There is a constant reminder that nothing is guaranteed. That it may not be “ok.” I will continue to do my best to make it so, but the truth is, I know that my best efforts may not be enough. That I may have to give up and try something else, somewhere else. Go back to a lifestyle behind a desk that I detested. In the mean-time, I have learned, through all this process, the importance of being grateful for joys and small acts of kindness and every chance to see another sunrise or full moon. I live in an incredible place, and have surrounded myself with incredible people. The sense of community I have here is like very little I have experienced in any work or living setting in the US. I remind myself every day that what I have built here is worth fighting for- even as I know that if my physical or emotional or mental health completely gives out, I may have to give it up. It might be ok. It might not. I have had to come to terms with all of that.

 

 

 

Reviews

[Ken Simm.]

Difficult to answer this one. Impossible to review. As if arguing the artistic merits of this will somehow make any difference. They or it won't.
Friends maybe can be empathic but really perhaps feel there but for the grace etc.
For what it is worth. I don't believe in fate. I have starved and have been several times without work. I have learned not to define myself because of my job. I have, I suppose been lucky. I too have worked all my life. From my first job when I was 13 in a green grocers.
I know what it is like to try to be proactive when all that everyone wants is for you to be reactive. Mainly to their proposals.
I too suffer from depression and anxiety, clinically and So I know how debilitating it is. I have had breakdowns and have lost my family through something I didn't do.
What all this and more is leading to I don't know other than giving you my credentials for empathy. Perhaps if you know there is more than one it helps. Perhaps.
What I do know in my retirement is that today's world pisses me off. The rise of polarised politics. The rotteness of the system. The reminders of history just tell me that I'm glad I'm going to go when I am.
I think the only piece of advice I can give, again for what its worth is. Wake up, look in a mirror and try to imagine. This too will change and intelligence is a bulwark against the cruel world.
Best wishes Ken.

“The Seven Social Sins are:

Wealth without work.
Pleasure without conscience.
Knowledge without character.
Commerce without morality.
Science without humanity.
Worship without sacrifice.
Politics without principle.


From a sermon given by Frederick Lewis Donaldson in Westminster Abbey, London, on March 20, 1925.”