Meditation on Eclipse II: Solar Eclipse

companion poem to Meditation I for a lunar eclipse

I rationalize everything.

It is just the temporary passage

of the moon between the sun

and me. The ancients would beat drums

and chant because they believed

a dragon was devouring the sun,

and had to be driven away. We are

of the modern era; we know that

eclipses do not last forever, that dragons

are a myth, and the universe

does not require our intervention.

 

Except I know: dragons are real.

Mine, I know, is colored like envy.

I watch when she feeds, and she

grazes in my meadows where insecurity

grows like an invasive weed. I feel

trapped on the earth in a fixed point,

fearing I will never be enough to ascend

to the heavens with you. I am witness

always to your fire; the corona that

others bring out in you when their

shadow eclipses me.

 

I was not made to grow in the

shadows of other women-

taller, more accomplished, more

beautiful, thinner, better makeup.

Everything the world has told me I

cannot be. I love the twilight, I adore

the penumbra, but I also crave the full

sunlight of the love I wish you could

give me, too. I want your eyes to

shine with the fire in your heart

when I walk into the room, too.

 

We women are eclipsed when

our words cannot reach our beloved.

We are shadowed when our efforts

are unseen.

Our light dims when our love recoils

from our touch.

We are swallowed by dragons with

each insinuated comparison to another

she. Even the moon and her shadow

can evoke jealousy when the world

feels aligned against you.

Each time you touched me

is a drop of silver in a necklace

I wear when I am called to count

my blessings before my Creator. Each

I love you is a bead cast of gold. I

wish I knew how to start telling

you any of this in words you

would hear and understand. I wish

I knew how to reach into the sky,

hold you, and polish your crown,

like the others do so easily.  

 

Author's Note

Meditation on theme of eclipse for our city's poetry club Casa los Altos.

Photo is a stock photo, showing the solar corona mentioned in the poem that appears during a solar eclipse.

Work in progress, with the Spanish version being co-written.

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