A SINKING DREAM

A POEM STRAIGHT FROM THE HEAD SO I KNOW IT IS DODGY IN AREAS BUT STILL...:)

A SINKING DREAM

STANDING ON DECK, EXCITED AS COULD BE;

SO MANY STRANGERS WAVING AT ME, MOST

WISHING THEY WERE BEING WAVED TO RATHER

 THAN THE 'WAVEE.'

BUT THAT WILL SOON CHANGE AS YOU WILL SEE...

BUT FIRST! THE DINING-ROOM, SO CLEAN AND SO SMART.

SO MUCH TO EAT, WE DON'T KNOW WHERE TO START!

CUTLERY SHINING, SMELLS FILLING THE AIR, NEVER

SEEN SO MUCH OPULENCE! WE SIMPLY STAND AND STARE.

THE BATHS ECHO, AS I SLIP INTO THE COMFORTING HEAT,

 STRETCHING OUT MY ARMS, TWITCHING MY FEET, AS I 

LANGUISH, SUSPENDED IN WARMTH WHILE SURROUNDED 

BY THE OCEAN DEEP. SO UNIMAGINLY BEAUTIFUL AND BLACK,

 SO FRIGID BUT NOT HERE, NOT NOW...NOT YET...

BECAUSE NOW I'M IN THE SALOON! SO PERFECT, SO FUN.

HEARTS RACE HARD AS THE BAND IS BEGUN.

GIRLS DANCING WITH THE BOYS THEY MEET, AS WOMEN

LAUGH LOUD  AND THE MEN STAMP THEIR FEET, 

I'M SPINNING AND TWISTING AS THE 

BAND STRIKE THEIR BEAT...

SOME PEACE IS NEEDED. TO THE DECKS WE GO. 

IT'S COLD UP HERE, THE PACE IS SLOW. WE GAZE IN AWE

AT THE MOONS BRIGHT GLARE, HANGING, SUSPENDED 

LIKE A SEAMEN'S FLARE. 

TAKING DEEP BREATHS OF MIDNIGHT AIR, WE COUNT 

OUR BLESSINGS WE ARE EVEN THERE. WE KNOW THIS TRIP

WILL END TOO SOON, WHILE WE GAZE, SO HAPPY

AT THIS APRIL MOON.

RETIRING TO ROOMS SO FRESH AND NEW, WE LAY DOWN

TO SLUMBER; DREAMING OF OUR LIFE ANEW.

THE GROANING BUMP,  THE SHIPS TEARING FLESH,

JERKS MANY OF US AWAKE...HAD WE KNOWN THE SCORE

WE'D HAVE SLEPT SOME MORE;  STAYING IGNORENT, OF

THE LIVES AT STAKE.

IN THE BOWELS OF THE SHIP, WE CLUNG TO LIFE TIGHT...

SO MUCH DIGNITY DISPLAYED, AND LOST THAT NIGHT;

MEN WAVING GOODBYE TO LOVED WIVES AND DAUGHTERS,

SONS WAVING TO MOTHER'S AND SISTERS TO BROTHERS...

NEVER TO SEE EACH OTHER AGAIN....

SO MANY MEMORIES AND STORIES UNTOLD, LOST TO THE ICE,

LOST TO THE COLD.

JUST A FEW RECORDED MEMORIES OF LUCKY SURVIVORS RETOLD; 

OF HOW THEY FLOATED TO SAFETY WATCHING THE DISASTER UNFOLD.

Author's Note

ASAS I SAY, IT WAS OFF TOP OF HEAD SO I UNDERSTAND IT NEEDS WORK SO ALL ADVICE WELCOME :)

Reviews

[Robert Parlange]

What a “titanic” dream. I like the way the poem builds. Yea, we all know the story, but you manage to tell it in a first person point of view. It works well. I like the narrative and the eventual conclusion.
I envy your dream imagination. My dream last night was me washing dishes at my grandparent's farm. Comforting, I guess.

[hcarson]

thank you Robert :) i wasn't sure it would work but i gave it a go, i tend to have nightmares ..a lot..so i envy your washing the dishes dream, although i find washing the dishes a bit of a nightmare as well to be fair :) thank you ffor reading and commenting very much appreciated

[Jake Brunton]

Wow, for me personally I got this energetic vibe from this work and then it had that twist onto it. I loved it, and the clever rhyming schemes are, to me, pretty well executed! Also, bonus points for making me think back to the 'Titanic.' Good job!

[hcarson]

thank you Jake, it was based on titanic..i had a crazy obsession with that when i was younger so always good to fall back on when your mind is blank on everything else haha, thank you so much for you lovelyy comments, much appreciated :)

[Gee]

From Liverpool(I think) to death in icy waters.A story that still fascinates 100 years and more after the fact.Very descriptive and the story told very well,in rhyme,through this poem.Good job H.....

[hcarson]

thank you so much Gee and yes, it left from Liverpool, your quite right. i have been fascinated by this for about 20 years, its strange how some things just get under your skin isn't it.thanks fo your lovely words, appreciated as always :)

[Matthew Stuart Bowes]

Excellent Poem :) for good fact keeping purposes the Titanic was originally signed as a ship in Liverpool, however, her maiden voyage sailed from Southampton.

[hcarson]

aha i knew it was something like that :) a fella got killed as they first put her in the water didn't he?..i remember something about that now..like i say 20 years haha..i can't even remember the number on my house door and thats only two didgits haha..thank you for the correction...glad i hadn't put anything like that in the poem haha!! :)

[Matthew Stuart Bowes]

It wouldn't of taken anything away from the poem, it was wonderful :)

[Inject Positivity]

oh how beautifully done dear frnd... i think it was a lively dream where the girl roamed all the way... so many thoughts, some were exciting and some were fearful.... a kind of intriguing for me as it was a dream... it totally caught my eye as its ending was fantastic... this is one of your most thought provoking poems... loved the imagery and the setting of the story at a ship... full ratings... by the way i have found a 'r' missing in the line "Band stike their beat"......

[hcarson]

well spotted IP i will edit it now :), its based on the 'titanic' have you read about that, happened in 1912 i believe, awful disaster that could have been avoided, its one that has always niggled me as it bugs me how the rate of survival depended on what class you were and if the shipowners wern't so superficial then all could have been saved, regardless of class.grrr, annoys me. thanks so much for reading Dhimen, your comments and thought are always important to me :)

[Inject Positivity]

well yes i have seen the movie, i was kind of thinking about this piece relatable to Titanic's disaster but wasn't really sure about it, now i understand it properly... i think you have done a brilliant job to set up the whole incident and how it turned out at the end... and now i can understand the true meaning of this poem's title... you are absolutely welcome dear frnd... you have permanent place in my heart....

[hcarson]

aww thank you IP your great :)

[DrAnuradha Bele]

Its a lovely poem - I could see a young woman probably on her first sea voyage, excited about the discoveries she is making, but a lurking fear, the anticipation. And then the tearing of the flesh. A great read!

[hcarson]

thank you so much, it was her first..in my head at least anyway haha, thank you so much for reading and commenting much appreciated :)

[Shannon]

I really like the breathless, frantic quality to it, at first from excitement, then from fear...with a big slow change of pace at the end. I felt it was supposed to be read that way, so if you were aiming for that I got it. If not and I am in my own little world, well, that would be nothing new!
I also loved "wavee"

[hcarson]

you read it spot on :) that was exactly as i was aiming for. and wavee...well i couldn.t think of another word so i made one up haha!!..thank for reading and commenting very much appreciated :)