Beneath the veil

Beneath the veil 

People can say whatever they want about me. They can say that what I did was wrong and that I betrayed my people. But to me what I did was the right thing. It was the best thing. It was the only thing that I was able to do. And even though it took me a while to try and do something, the only thing that matters is that I did do something. I tried to help them… and I did help them. And to me that is well worth dying for.

When the war started we knew that everything was going to be hard for us. We knew that we had to hide or else we too would be killed like all the others. I married him only months before everything started to go wrong. I didn’t know him very long and I didn’t know much about him. But I know the only thing that is important for me to know. I know that I love him. I know that he is the only thing and person that matters to me.

We tried to get out. We were told that we would still have one day before they would come and get us. They were wrong. We had everything that was important packed; we would leave as soon as the sun came up. But we didn’t last that long. In the middle of the night we heard the door get mashed down and we knew that they were here and that we would die. They killed him right in front of me. They made me watch as they kicked and beat the only person in my life that I ever loved. They took him away from me. But that wasn’t enough. They knew that he was the only person to ever love me. So they made sure that no one would ever love me again.

They hit, kicked, beat, and burned me. Even with all of the horrible things they did to me nothing was as worse than watching them murder him. Seeing them break and beat him, being forced to watch as they shot him. Nothing will ever be as worse as that. Not even after they finished with me and just left me there to die.

When I awoke all I could do was lay there and not move. My whole body ached and hurt, it hurt to even breathe. The only thing I could think about was that I never cried. Not even once did I shed a single tear. I felt as though I didn’t deserve to be married to the man I loved, because of the fact that I didn’t cry. I started thinking that maybe I never cried because I never really loved him. Maybe I just loved the idea of know that someone could even love me, Know that I had someone who wanted to be with me and wasn’t shamed to be seen with me.

Now I know that I will never have that happen to me again. I was now even more hideous then I thought I was before, But I know that it was true. I know that if people ever saw me they would either scream or just stare and wonder what had happened. But I know that no one would ever want to ask, even if they did, I would NEVER tell. Or so I though.

As I lay there on the floor just waiting to finally die, I heard a noise outside. First I thought that it was the men to come back and finish the job, and I was happy. Happy thinking that all of this would be over and that I would never have to think or feel any type of pain again. But I later learned that it wasn’t the men. But people who like me were beat and let to die, but they didn’t die they got up and banded together, to help each other and take care of each other.

They took me in and took care of me. They helped me and gave me things that I needed to try and heal. They became not just random people who took me in but more of a sort of family. While I was there they made me feel as though nothing was wrong with me. They made me feel like I wasn’t deformed. They made me feel as though I was just another normal person in the world.

But they understood that I was deformed, they also understood that that was the way I would always feel. Sometimes I think they understood to well about how I felt. One day I was really feeling down about the way I looked, so one of the women came up to me and said that she had something to give me and that she hoped that it would help me. And it did. She gave me a veil, not just any kind of veil but a black one. A black veil that would hide everything that I didn’t want people to see about me, my face, my scars, my deformed face and head and hide all of the shame I have about myself.

After I got better I started to see all of the hard things these people had to do and go through just to try and stay alive. They had children that they needed to get feed, people who were hurt and needed medicine. They had all these things that they needed but that no one could get because if anyone saw them they would be killed. So I made a choice. A choice that I thought about before but never had the guts to actually try and do. But after I saw everything I knew. I knew that I had to try. After all they had done everything they could to help me. Now it was my turn to do everything I could to try and help them.

It was hard and I know that it would be but I also knew that if I didn’t try then all of these poor people would at some point have to go through all of the same pain that I did. I would never want to put these people in pain and if I had a chance to try and stop it then I knew that’s what I had to do. I was motivated to help these people and to make sure I did everything I could. Even if that means risking me own life.

I walked there with food, water and medicine every day for a week. I would gather up all of the food that I could and put it into a red basket and put the basket under my veil to try and hide it. I knew that people were starting to get worried about what I was doing. People and children started to stop what they were doing and just watch me as I walked past. I knew they were worried about me and about where I came from and where I was going. But after all it didn’t really matter. All that mattered was that I was giving back to the people who saved me.

One day I was walking and men started to follow me. I knew that today would be the day. I knew what was going to come and what was going to happen to me. But I tried not to mind. I just kept walking and tried to get to the people in the cave as fast as I could. The last thing I wanted to do before anything happened to me was to get this basket to them. It was the least I could do for everything they did for me. When I got there I told them that this was going to be the last time I was going to be able to come because of the men that had followed me. They said that I could just stay there with them and that I didn’t have to go back but I knew that I did. Because I knew that the men would now stop at nothing to try and find me.

I would rather die them have all of these innocent people get killed. And that’s what I did. I gave them the basket and told them that I was sorry it wasn’t more and that I was sorry this would be the last time. But they all understood and all said their goodbyes.

As I walked back I heard the men coming up behind me. After that everything happened so fast. They yelled at me and hit me, one of them even ripped off my veil. The veil was the last thing I remembered happening before I ended up on the cold hard ground just looking up at the sky and the stars. Knowing that this was finally going to be my time. I was going away. Going away from all of the hate in this world. Going back to the one person I loved. Knowing that I didn’t die for nothing. Knowing that I died helping people. Knowing that I made a difference.

Author's Note

ignore grammar. Feedback would be helpful.