No Man Separate What We Create

With my fellow artist I create an army of truth

No man can separate what our army creates

The ideals will live on even after we are gone

Peace, love, equality, and non-violent struggle

Violence as last resort war the last options

We march to change evil in humankind

The thing I can’t understand our goal a moral war

Why do we kill people who kill other people,

To prove to people that killin people is wrong

If we could learn to talk about our differences

War wouldn’t be necessary and we can have peace

Then we can stop the hunger and poverty in America

 Then march to Africa and bring peace to the motherland

The motherland of all humankind

We will take the cure for AIDs that our countries hidin

And give it to poor over the world, and heal the motherland

 And if the rich try to stop us we will stand and fight

They draw first blood and we make them pay

Not in blood make em pay, hit em in the pockets

And if they end up killin us it aint over

There is a generation behind us waitin to hear our words

Our words will always be eternal because

No one shall separate what we create

Reviews

[Clouded in Hopeful Illu..]

I like the last line in this one. It sends a really good message and it is consitant. One thing I didn't understand is why you brought up AIDS. I know it is a big problem in the world, but there isn't a secret cure for it. It just didn't seem to fit in with everything else that you were talking about and seemed off subject. Other than that, I think you did a great job of communicating your thoughts well with the audiance.

"With my fellow artist I create" --- Comma after artist.

"Violence as last resort war the last options" --- You need an a after as and a comma after resort. For the second part you need to either put "wars as the last option" or "war as the last option".

"The thing I can't understand our goal a moral war" --- You need a comma after understand. I really don't understand this sentence. It seems to me like you are saying that you don't understand your own goal. Is your goal a moral war? If so, you need to state it a bit more clearly such as: "our goal is a moral war" or something.

" killin people is wrong" --- Question mark after wrong.

" we can have peace" --- You are talking about in the future so you need to have could instead of can because of your context.

"our countries hidin" --- have hidin.

"stop us we will stand" --- Comma after us.

"They draw first blood " --- They will draw.

" we make them " --- we will make them.

"killin us it aint over" --- Comma after us.

"behind us waitin to hear " --- Comma after us.

[Victoria Emily]

This is very nicely done. You tackled a HUGE, overwhelming subject and did it quite succesfully. I liked it.

[Lita Raquel]

Wow, what a deep poem
I really enjoyed this.
I think that the person who asked in their review of this poem why you brought up AIDs didn't really read your poem well enough.
It makes perfect sense to do so because the the other content in the poem.
I mean, it takes a really committed person to bring up so many controversial topics such as war, hunger, poverty, the AIDs epidemic-all of the things you wrote about were something that I feel most people are too afraid to mention or think about...let alone in a poem!
Haha.
I like your subject matter in all of your writings.
This one I felt I had a need to comment on the most though, lol
Love the work
Keep it up. I will definately continue to keep reading your stuff.
~Lita

[Chloe..Across the Unive..]

This poem has power .. i like the entire poem, every word on every line and agree.. i really like your style and thoughts so well written here ..

Chloe
xoxo