The Revenge

Today is the day I execute my revenge. These bullies will pay for all they have done to me. As I walk to the bus stop I can’t stop sweating and shaking. I know today is the day it all changes. As I walk down the aisle on the bus everyone goes about their day not even noticing me. They are ignorant of me for the last time. As the bus pulled up to the school a feeling of nostalgia hit me. I grew up here. I played ball here. The other students got off the bus slowly; I waited to be the last one. I walked over to a nearby tree and sat down to smoke a cigarette. What do I care if I get caught? I hear the bell ring that class is about to start. I finish my cigarette down to the filter toss it on the ground and start moving towards the doors. The area is deserted as everyone hurried to get to class. As I walk in the glass doors and look at all the lockers I think of all the times I have been pushed into them. I see the times that I have been stuffed in them. The anger rises as I walk into my class. The teacher says I am late and he will have to give me detention. I laugh on the inside; I won’t be going to detention. The “cool kid” that I have to sit next to, that picks on me, says way to go d****e. I clench my fist. The teacher starts her writing on the board the “cool kids” that sit around me start spitting at me and throwing paper. The teacher says what is going on without even turning around. In my head I am thinking the same thing that happens every day you stupid b***h. Greg says nothing Mrs. Robins we were passing work notes. She says oh okay Greg you’re such a good boy. How dare she say that to him. I get attacked by this kid every single day. These kids all push me down and spit on me and treat me like garbage. I hate this stupid school. I hate these entitled kids who act like angels to authority, but are demons behind their backs. I stand up trembling all over. Greg goes what the hell are you doing dweeb sit down. Mrs. Robins turns around and says sit down now your causing a ruckus. I tell her to shut up. She looks taken aback. I pull out my dad’s gun and point it right at Greg. Oh the joy of seeing this bully trembling in his pants. I really hope he pees them it would be the cherry on top of this glorious ice cream sundae. I pull the trigger and Greg slumps over. Everyone screams. I turn to his little buddies and shoot them as they run. The teacher jumps in front of a student and I shoot her right in the chest. She deserves it for never helping me when I was drowning in this room. I see students running by from other classes in the hallway. I walk out there with the gun tucked away letting most of the students pass until I see another bully. I shoot him as he ran in terror. I shoot a girl who called me ugly and laughed when I said she looked nice today. ALL THE PRETENTIOUS WILL PAY!!! I roam the halls until I finally hear sirens. It’s funny the police will help in cases like this but told me to deal with it when I was being beaten up daily. They said if we don’t see it we can’t do anything. Well now they have something to look at. I walk towards the door. I have the note in my pocket. It is not an I am sorry or I love you mom. My pocket continues my plan. It says these students died for bullying me. Your kids were not angels they were horrendous people who made my life hell as I begged for mercy. No adults helped me. This is your fault townspeople, police, children, and teachers. You let this hell run loose without helping the weak. My Rant will be read everywhere. I hope I save a future weak kid. Screw the bullies. Walking out into the sunlight I aim right at the police. BANG….

Reviews

[Imara]

"In my head I am thinking the same thing that happens every day you stupid b***h." This is an awkward sentence and it's hard to tell whether you're talking about the school news or what the bullies are doing to our narrator.
"Greg goes what the hell are you doing dweeb sit down" A direct quote of what the character has said it should be in quotation marks.
You do a great job show the drive, rage and hate that this child has for his bullies. It's really terrifying. Again I think there should be more than one paragraph but again your choice. Great job. I think I'm running out of praise for you and your skill :)

[TLK]

I must admit that I always check up on your reviews when I see them on the writing page, Imara. Not only do they tend to be very useful, but you introduce me to writers that I enjoy reading. Hope you're getting some visitors to your own writing from my link to you in my profile.

[Imara]

Oh thank you so much! I'm so humbled and honored by your words.

[Jayden Ireton]

Thank you. You always have such nice words to say. I made the mistakes on purpose mostly. I like to write like the character would. I think this character is not proper at all. I thank you for the corrections though because sometimes I wont mean to do them. I do have a program that helps me find errors, but I dont send all of my work through. I will write and just throw it up without even checking it sometimes. It seems raw when I do that.

[Jayden Ireton]

I think I may be writing a proper English story soon. Thank you again. I really enjoy your reviews.

[Imara]

I really enjoy your work, you have an amazing skill to tell a great story in such a short amount of time. That is an interesting and cool style that sets you apart from everyone else. :)

[Jayden Ireton]

Thank you so much. I like to try many different things. Most of these are short right now because of school, but I will be writing longer ones when I have time. I also have two books I am working on. I am a busy bee.

[Imara]

Haha better to be busy than to be lazy

[Courtney Johnson]

First, I'd like to note that this was hard for me to read. Most large paragraphs are, let alone so many words compressed into one. A wall of text, as I like to say. It's also difficult to discern where someone is talking, as nothing is in quotations.

From what I've managed to take from it, it's very interesting. I'd love to go into this further, but at a later time.

[InsanityWriter]

Very sad story... But very well written. I can feel all the emotions! Great work.

[Dean Kuch®]

This is written as if the manic ravings of the protagonist in your story were thinking them in his tortured mind. It rambles along, helter-skelter, with little punctuation and numerous run-on sentences. But don't take that as criticism. I think for this particular story, it's perfect. It attests to the hectic thought process of the poor kid who was bullied on a daily basis. I wouldn't change a thing about it.
It's sad too, because it's true. This is a common occurrence in our schools. It has been since the first school house was erected. The only difference between now and then? Weapons technology has advanced a WHOLE lot!
I had fun reading this...

[Jayden Ireton]

Oh this review is brilliant. You understand exactly why it is the way it is. I was drawn to a writer who wrote simplistic on purpose and made mistakes on purpose. I really liked what she did and I try it myself quite often. In my eyes most characters are not going to be perfectly proper. I like to write like them.

[Dean Kuch®]

Same here Justin, I agree. Is a 90 year old man from Texas going to say to someone that rings his door bell, "Why, hello. Come on in."? No, it would be more like this, "Howdy, y'all. Sit down a spell an' take a load off'en yer feet."

[Acucena G.]

"ALL THE PRETENTIOUS WILL PAY" , very well , a good piece of work . Keep it up

[Jayden Ireton]

Thank you very much.

[Acucena G.]

You are welcome

[Marie]

Very well written. I see all these reasons but don't see them excusing the deed.

[Jayden Ireton]

Thank you for reading.