Heart of Glass

One day more

One more layer

She builds it everyday

Onemore brick 

And one more wall

To protect her

Heart of glass

That glass does shatter 

All so easily

But bricks she know

Will guard it ceaselessly

A fortress with

No gate and key

And a smile as patrol

To hide it with no leave

With these she so hides

Her eyes open wide

Unth

il something one day she sees

Another heart that's 

Guarded just like hers

But the camouflage of ego 

Rests difficult to disperse

She'll tap it everyday

Attempt tos scratch

And try to peel away

Thecurtain that does cover

The heart that's gone astray

But with every scratch 

And nick and tear

Her bricks begin to fall 

And a key does appear

She sees that she has fallen

Ut only all too late

And quickly does she scurry

To pull back all her freight

Maybe he will see

But likely he will not

The tiny sliver of 

That silver heart of glass

It rests not long until

A fracture has appeared

He won't know 

Or little would he care

That his was the heart

To shatter the barrier

That fortress hid by smiles

That once had stood as guard

For her now broken heart of glass

Author's Note

No punctuation this time....

Reviews

[Becky]

I completely loved it, aside for a few extra-letter and lacking-space mistakes, until the very end.

In the second to last line of the second to last stanza, I'd change "of" to "in."

The "it" in the last stanza is a little confusing-to what are you referring?

In fourth and third to last lines of the poem, you change articles from "the" describing barrier to "that" describing fortress. While this is merely an opinion thing, I would personally like the flow better if these were the same article.

I'd take out the "had" in the second to last line and if you do that, the "now" in the last line.

But until the last two stanzas, it was literally the best poem I've read in a long time. While typical in its format, it stayed true to its form, something that I at least find quite difficult to accomplish. The flow and rhyming were excellent and the words were flowery yet emphatic. It was rich in imagery and description, and you stuck with the main point rather than rambling (if you can't tell, that's something I always tend to do)

Anyway, other than the very irrelevant, mostly opinion based suggestions above, it was very nicely written.

[journaling_thesp]

Thank you :) i dont even know how i wrote it's so unlike me in the whole sappy-love-poem thing lol i love the suggestions and am going to use them when i get a chance to edit later thank you so much!