Dead To Me

I arrived at the hospital, and for some reason I was having a hard time dragging myself inside.  I knew that Elisa would have rushed to get there as quickly as she could, and, I knew if I didn't so something Elisa would never forgive me.  I closed the car door and paused to look at the reflection of myself in the driver's side window and I couldn't stand it.  My skin was on fire, burning with the desire for any touch I could get.  My head was spinning and I felt myself slipping away from lucidity.  There I was, no more than two-hundred feet from the hospital entrance, and still I had no idea why I was there.  What could I do?  I was a computer technician, not a doctor.  

I had every intention of going inside, finding Elisa, and explaining what was going on.  After this morning, though, what would she say?  Would she even believe me?  It was a waste of time, and it was out of my hands.  Elisa was the one who had the medical training, I did my part, I warned her.  Wasn't that enough?  So I got back in the car and started on my way home.  Maybe this was the monster I really was, abandoning my friends and family.  I had to get away from everything, but I had nowhere to go.  I turned the radio dial up as loud as it would go trying, just for a moment, to escape my thoughts.  

I couldn't go home, no, Alana was there and I had no desire to see her at the moment either.  Instead I found myself pulling up to the mall so I could get something to wear for my date with Anthony.  Seemed like an odd time to be shopping but perhaps my time with Anthony would help me put my thoughts together.  I felt my phone vibrate in my pocket, as I entered the American Eagle Outfitters store, it was a text message from Elisa:

"Where are you?  She's going into surgery, we can't get her vitals stabilized."  

Instead of writing a response to Elisa, I cleared the screen of the message and, I put the phone back in my pocket.  I searched quickly about the store for something that I felt was suitable for a first date.  My choice was simple of course; a pair of nicely fitting blue jeans, a solid red tank, and a nice, short-sleeved plaid button down.  

I changed in the car on the way back to Anthony's house and thankfully traffic was cooperative.  When I pulled up outside of his apartment building I couldn't help but to think: what am I doing here?,  but I knew the answer.  I took my phone out and wrote a message to Anthony telling him I was outside.  My wait was a brief one, within just a minute or two Anthony appeared and, as casually as possible, walked over to the car and got in.  

"Thanks for the heads up text."  He said laughing a bit and his smile was stunning.  I took notice to what he was wearing; a pair of grey, pinstriped loafers, a pair of grayish-blue cargo shorts, and a yellow Hollister t-shirt.  The pastel yellow of his shirt seemed to accentuate his, caramel-brown, toned skin.  

"You're complaining about not getting a text, clearly you were ready to go."  I said trying to hide my smile.  

"I guess not then.  So what are the plans?"  He asked playfully, while shoving my arm from where it was resting on the console between the seats.  

"Well, dinner of course.  Then, I don't know, a movie?"  I said in a questioning manner.  

"Sounds good."  

Anthony poked away at his phone while I drove, and the silence was a bit uncomfortable.  Here I was in the car with a handsome, no, sexy guy, and yet in perfect silence.  

"Do you like Italian food?"  I asked him, in hopes that he would say yes.  Italian was my favorite.  

"Yeah, Italian is perfect."  He said taking his attention from my phone to look at me.  

The Macaroni Grill was my favorite Italian restaurant in Savannah, so that was the plan.  We arrived at the restaurant, and when I cut the engine to the car, I thought about doing the gentleman thing. 

"Do you want me to get your door?"  I asked him, and I felt my cheeks blushing.  

"Don't be silly man, I can get it myself.  Thanks though."  Anthony paused for a moment, studying me as if I had just asked him something outrageous, and then chuckled at me a bit.  I was feeling amazing.  It had been so long since I had dated anyone that I had practically forgotten what it was like.  I insisted to the hostess that we sit at a table, I didn't want to be in a booth against the wall, I wanted to be at a table with an attractive guy in the center of the room.  In that moment I was happy to be out with Anthony, and I wanted every perfect stranger to see that.  

Our conversation was everything except dull, and I felt like the night would be over too soon.  I was so distracted by Anthony and everything that we were talking about that I hadn't paid any attention to my meal with looked absolutely tantalizing.  

"Hey, are you okay?  You've hardly eaten anything."  Anthony looked a bit concerned, but his smile never faded.  

"Huh? Oh, yeah, I'm fine.  I'll just take it to go."  I told him trying to avoid telling him why I wasn't eating.  Of course when dinner concluded, I was famished, and I knew I would be.  This time, without asking, I walked with Anthony to the passenger side of the car and opened to door to let him in.  Of course, and without much effort, Anthony playfully pushed me a little before getting in.  The night was going better than planned, and I started wondering why I hadn't done this sooner.  I jogged around the front of the car to get in, so we could hurry to see whatever movie was playing.  Just as I cranked the car I felt my pocket vibrate few times and it annoyed me a little.  Without thought I pulled it out to answer whatever messages I had.  

"So what movie did you wanna see?"  Anthony asked optimistically.  There were two messages from Elisa, and Anthony's question sort of faded into the background. 

"I hope you're happy", the first message read, "we lost her on the table".  I was dazed at the messages, and I felt the blood rush out of my face as a shudder slithered down my spine. 

"Ryan?"  Anthony asked me curiously. 

"What?!"  I snapped at his question which came innocently.  The look on Anthony's face was shocked now.  Of course I shouldn't have yelled at him, he didn't deserve it.  

"I'm sorry, it's Leonna, we've got to get to the hospital."  I told him.  

I drove as quickly as I could to get to the hospital possibly breaking every speeding law and perhaps even running a red light.  When we arrived I cut the engine before even coming to a complete stop and slammed on the parking brake, jolting Anthony forward.  I rushed inside with Anthony not far behind me.  Elisa was at the nurses station patting her eyes with a tissue.  

"Elisa, what happened?"  I said, as I rushed over to where she was standing.  I heard a male nurse tell me that I couldn't be in that area but I paid him no attention.  

"What do you care?  Who is this guy that's with you?"  She said, and her tone was strong and angry.  

"He's my date."  I explained to her.  Just as I finished, and before I could react Elisa's right hook connected with my left cheekbone.  

"Ouch!"  I yelled, and automatically, I started to rub my face where she had just punched me.  

"You were on a date?!"  Elisa was yelling.  "I was here, doing everything I could to try to save our friend's life and you were out f****n around with SOME GUY!?"  Elisa was hysterical.  I looked at her awestruck.  I had nothing to say, because she was absolutely right.  What was I thinking?  

"You know what, no.  Ryan you never cease to appall me."  Elisa said now more quietly.  Elisa approached me and I took a step back.  "Leonna wasn't the only one that died here tonight." Elisa said pushing me as hard as she could.  "You are dead to me.  Now get out of my hospital, before I have security throw you out."  Her voice was again raised, and the entire staff in the emergency room was staring at me.  Elisa started off down the hall.  

"Elisa!"  I called after her, but she continued through a set of double doors labeled "staff only".  Security was approaching from my other side and I was left standing there mouth agape.  

"Sir?"  One of the security guards addressed me. 

"Ryan, let's go man."  Anthony was now insisting.  

I turned and quietly proceeded out the front and paused to lean up against a pillar just outside.  

"Ryan, are you alright?"  Anthony asked with a genuinely concerned tone.  

"Yeah, come on let's go."  I answered sounding monotone.  

My night was ruined, and I had no one to blame but myself.  

"Ryan, you can talk to me. Are you sure you're alright?"  Anthony pressured me as we drove.  

"You mind crashing at my place tonight?  I've got a couple extra rooms."  I said trying to keep from thinking too hard about Leonna, and about Elisa, although my face was still throbbing.  

"What? No, um, I guess not."  Anthony answered, sounding a bit confused at my question.  My house was closer to the hospital than his apartment, and I just wanted to get home and into bed.  My only escape from this nightmare was going to be sleep, or so I had hoped.  

When I pulled into my driveway, I could see all of the lights in the house were on and the front door was left wide open.  I got out of the car, "What the--", I didn't even bother to finish my sentence.  The house was trashed, papers everywhere, broken glass, portraits on the wall missing or turned.  

"Alana!?"  I called across the house.  I searched in every room, and Anthony was right behind me. 

"Hey man, you should probably call the police, I think you've been robbed or something."  Anthony told me sounding startled at the sight of the place.  

"Be quiet, do you hear that?"  I asked him trying to listen to what sounded like sobbing.  

"Alana?!"  I yelled out again.  I walked into the kitchen, the drawers were all pulled out onto the floor, silverware and broken dishes were everywhere.  I noticed the back door was left wide open too.  The back porch light was on and, there in the fetal position rocking forward and back, was Alana.  

"Alana, are you alright?"  I asked her, taking notice to her, she looked almost as devastating as the house did. 

"Who--are--you--people?  Where--am--I?"  Alana said sniffling, and her expression was terrified.  I extended my hand to help Alana up.

"No, get away from me."  She yelled, getting up quickly and running back into the house, stepping on some of the broken dishes and leaving a trail of blood on the floor behind her.