Bleeding Heart

Someone stabs, Leaves you to bleed. IT's worse when the attacked part is your heart

I
Take it on myself,
To,
Explore the weary depths of within

I,
take it in my heart,
As
As you carve it into a masterpeice

I,
take the pain, as I (bleed)
Bleed,
Bleed (almost) to death while trying,


Trying to master the perfection
The perfection that is YOU

I,
follow you, watching you, Marvelling.
You,
All the while, my heart bleeds
Bleeds For you

Perfection,
Isn't as nice as it seems,
As,
I had to loose the thing that I wanted to master
Wanted,
Wanted to perfect.

Life is hard,
Watching you,
As you watch (me/mine),
I feel so haunted,
As so do you.

But we can't,
Do anything about it,
As we move along,
along Together,
But not really feeling
Feeling the presence
Presence of love,

Though you try to fake it,
I,
through my bleeding heart,
Give what comes to me by it,
I,
Take it on myself,
To,
Love you.

Author's Note

Another lyrics. Lyrics are stacking up and no song is yet complete. All songs are left in an unfinished state. Makes me feel sad. This song I have wrote for all the persons having a heartache.

Reviews

[Rhonda Marie Hayman]

THE FLOW IS EFFORTLESS. I LIKE THE WAY YOU STEPPED OUT OF THE 'NORM'.. PEOPLES IDEAS OF WHAT POETRY 'IS' OR 'SHOULD' BE. GREAT EXPLANATION.. PAINTS A FULL PICTURE OF LOVE LONGING.. AND MADEYOYUR OWN RHYME WHILE AT IT....
RHONDA MARIE HAYMAN
WWW.AUTHORSDEN.COM/NADUAHMARIE
WWW.MYGENIELOVESME.ORG

[Butterflymom]

This is an awesome piece that is well written and well expressed. I found it to be original,. fresh, and intense.

[Léo Duval]

mmm...well, at first the grammar disturbed me...but it's just because I'm French, I think - in my country, we are taught to use a perfect grammar correction!!! Even when we start learning a foraign language: we first learn how to write "I am, you are, he is" even before saying "hello" well. That's why French people are bad for languages, I guess.

Anyway, at first, the grammar in your poem disturbed me; I now think that it's a very good decision of yours! You now describe how much love can disturb someone's mind - and everybody thinks with words! Thus the subject and the form are perfect together! Very good!

[lAcEy_LoO's Poems Site]

I loved this poem and remember i'm always here for you!!!!!!11

[lAcEy_LoO's Poems Site]

I LOVE YOU!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

[Janyce Helen Van Es]

An Englishman would say-This is bloody good! But-although it is full of heartache, I think you could leave off some of the repeated words. Only my opinion. Maybe if you had background singers to sing part of the repetition-

I used to play drums. My son does but prefers the guitar. Look up Texas Hippie Coalition on myspace or just the internet. Mike Hayes is my son.

[Bhavya Kaushik]

This is great really..So beautifully written!
I agree with Caffeine about the imagery in it, which is so awesome...
The opening lines for me outstands the entire write..So strong and powerful
It also reminds me of that song "Bleeding Love" :D :D
But..overall a great composition!

[Legion]

I accidently deleted my original review of this. Once again, I like it. Not sure about the rhythm and flow of it without some kind of pattern and rhyme scheme, but I like the conept of it. Especially this stanza:

Perfection,
Isn't as nice as it seems,
As,
I had to loose the thing that I wanted to master
Wanted,
Wanted to perfect.

Kudos.

[Imperfection]

Allow me to make a suggestion...

I believe shortening the title to 'Bleeding Heart' would fit better.
For a song, that would soound fine, I guess...

[Imperfection]

Deep and dark. Just the way I love it.
You set a high standard in the beginning itself with such strong opening lines. And you have maintained that standard all through. I'm absolutely in love with the ending.
The excellent description here leads to some vivid imagery. The only part which in my opinion doesn't read as well as the rest of the poem is:

But we can't,
Do anything about it,
As we move along,
along Together,
But not really feeling
Feeling the presence
Presence of love,

That I felt was due to the repetition of the last word of the line in the beginning of the next line. However, this isn't something that requires any serious thought on your part. Perhaps I felt that way because I have read this in the form of a poem; whereas in a song the repetition is what will prove to be your hook line.

There is something different about this...different from your typical style. I love the fact that you are experimenting with different moods and structures.

And the picture in the end happens to fit in perfectly.
Bhavya's pictures are proving to be big inspiration...hmmm??