SHE AND THEY

I think about the contrast of life between those "in their ivory towers" and those at "the coal-face".

A rhythmic rattle of copper and tin,

the blackened exhaustion on men’s brows,

with hob-nailed boots on cobblestones,

in dull unison, without command -

Muffled silence brings them all back

as ghosts, unable to find their resting place

in this littered, cast-off wilderness,

where feral gangs rival for useless space,

a stray dog howling from a non-existent doorway.

She, the lady in masculine garb,

once walked this foreign hell for a perfect photo-shot,

espoused unnatural concern, with her handbag attached,

that something urgent must be done to end the misery

of lower classes, as they slaved down the mines

for their families’ daily bread.

Reviews

[Richard🖌]

Hi, Bill!
I most gratefully thank you for your friendship request, and happily accepted.
I selected this poem to read and review because the title drew me in.
After opening the page onto your poem, the first thing that struck me was the presentation, with spaces between each line, which adds a sense of mental separation and disconnect, as-well, it slows the natural flow of cadence and enjambment.
Still, it brought to mind the coalfields/mines spread throughout my beautiful homeland, Wales, and the multitude of catastrophes and black lung that cost so many lives.
I would imagine that "She, the lady" refers to The Queen, as she toured the mines.
Bill, as a teacher of poetry and poetic forms, it is my conclusion that you are a skilled poet of no meager portion, and that your insights and experience of life's observations serve you well in composing your excellent pieces.
As I read down and through the imagery and emotional impact of your lines and verses, I felt a turning of my heart and welling of tears for the atrocities thrust upon the many thousands for well over a hundred years, in the name of greed, by mine and coalfield owners who spent little on safety for their workers.
Certainly, the UK needs coal, but not at any cost.
In critique, lose the double spaces to bring your verses into a comfortable mind's-eye presentation and easier flow. Your punctuation, spelling, and line breaks for a Free Verse composition are impeccable, i.e.: your English grammar is spot-on. V1L4: lose the "and" and replace it with a comma and consider a more poetic voice: "in dull unison, marching without command —" … and, in other places throughout.
Overall, I think this is a most marvelous piece that came from, deep within your core, your compassion, and the caring gentleness of your heart and soul.
My favorite lines:
"in the littered, cast-off wilderness,
where feral gangs rival for useless space,
a stray dog howls from a non-existent doorway." (suggest no "and)

Blessing to you, Bill, and my most grateful thanks for sharing this excellent piece with us! ⁓ Richard

[Bill Grimke-Drayton]

Richard, could you check the new version of the poem and see it is better?

[Richard🖌]

Boy-howdy, Bill!
What a masterful difference this work truly is … I am bowled-over by the improvements you've made.
Excellent, My friend … absolutely brilliant; I cannot thank you enough for sharing this marvelous piece with me, and most of all for allowing me to help a fine fellow-poet. : )

[Bill Grimke-Drayton]

It is thanks to your suggestions, Richard.

[Richard🖌]

My pleasure!

[Bill Grimke-Drayton]

I am completely bowled over by your positive words about my poem. Richard. As it so happens, the woman in question is Margaret Thatcher. The poem, as I am sure you understand, is very political in nature. I am a strong advocate for human rights. My experience within the last few years has caused this change. There were two contrasting pictures I could "see" - one of men walking home after a shift over those wet cobblestone, and the other of a woman in an empty space, where once people worked in factories and lived in houses. She walks across the screen, and seems from another planet - which for anyone watching in the shadows would indeed think. 10 Downing Street is a long way away from there. Thank you again for your kind words. I hope one day to publish a book of both short stories and poem. Perhaps you could review one of the stories.