Ghost

I gaze intently, staring out my murky bedroom window, longing for all the things I can’t have. Thoughts collide together in my mind, creating a whirlwind of emotions and feelings I have never known to exist. Storms brew outside in the open air, mirroring the clouds gathering in my eyes. Rain falls, streaking down my face. On the window pane they gather, running in tracks, joining, plummeting until they hit the ledge. Each drop slowly infringes with another, wrapping around each other, becoming one until there is no separation.

You once told me, a long time ago, that there is always a light in the darkness, you just have to search. Well, I’d like to tell you that now, even after searching every crack, every crevice, I have somehow failed to find the light. Any light.

I feel as if, when you left, you took with you all the knowledge of helpful brightness. With you, it disappeared; leaving me in a dark so secluded that not even the happiest of memories could bring back the brightness. You took my breath. You took my life. And I, like you, can never have it back.

* * *

I’m watching you, staring into your stormy eyes, but somehow you neglect to see me. On the other side of this dripping glass, I plead with all of my will, knowing my attempts are infinitely useless. Yet I continue, because the mere idea of simply giving up repulses me.

Your tears match the cold rain falling from the withered sky; the same grey colors, the same dismembered touch, the same sadness. I never meant to cause this, I never meant for you to feel such pain. I’m so sorry, I whisper through empty air, only wishing that your ears could hear my soundless voice.

Pressing a gentle hand upon the glass, I gasp for you to see that I am here, right here in front of you. But the rain continues to flow beneath my fingers, untouched, unmoved. Feelings of such despair and desire, are coursing through my veins, strangling me with unseen ropes until I can no longer breath. My lungs constrict, to see your face like this, so tangled with misery and sorrow, makes it all seem so real. But I must bear it, I must go on trying, for even though I no longer live the life that you do, I have to find a way to make you see the light.

* * *

 

The hallways of this school feel abandoned, neglected, and torn. Around me thousands of feet patter to the beat of nothing. Without you it seems as if there is no sound in this big world, nothing at all. Fluorescent streams beat down, causing a dull hurt in my head, but I welcome it; at least it feels.

Emptiness surrounds me, drowning my body in fire and ice. My face, vacant I know, only looks forward past all else in my way. Numbness raging like a burning cage, encases everything I am, unwilling to let me out of its grasp. But do I want it to let go? Do I want to feel anything at this moment, when all else is gone?

What I had has slipped through my fingers, and now I hope to never face that pain again. Which means I mustn't have anything to slip. I must remain numb.

* * *

I follow you, tail along in your path, matching each step, print by print. I watch with a close breath every move you make, every flick of the wrist though so often rare. Your once rapid and life filled movements have been replaced by those full of destruction and ice. You seem frozen, a bloomed flower covered in a layer of glass.

Your friends do come and I, yet unseen, welcome their presence; desperately hoping that a wisp of their warmth may bring you back. But you push them away, their worried faces undesirable to you. I whisper through your golden hair to let them near, take in the love they so willingly give. My words go unheard though, leaving you to walk these desolate hallways, alone.

There is nothing left for me to do but follow, and follow you I will. Everywhere. I promise, I am here, speaking your name.

Lucy

* * *

My name is so often spoken these days in the mouths of teachers, counselors, friends. Though the tone in which they speak is different, it seems as if now their voices are filled with notes of pity. I can’t escape it, the pity. Nobody realizes that what I need at this moment is sincerity, understanding. I need simply someone who will stand and look at me with a level eye instead of one dripping sympathy and benevolence. Though it appears that there are none with mundane traits such as those surrounding me in this hail storm of confusion.

You would have been that type of person, my lovely winter boy; you would have been there to tell someone the truth instead of tip-toeing around the edges.

I smile faintly at all the memories of you racing through my head. They’ve never stopped, the images, always playing like a deviant song set on repeat. So many colors, places, and voices. One voice in particular is like the sweet sound of christmas bells ringing, singing out happiness. Your voice, so familiar, so warm. Even now it’s as if I can still hear you whispering my name.

* * *

Your smile, though faint and disconnected, brings a sense of undying hope to my ghostly heart. Vague as it may be, to see your lips play up even in the tiniest of ways makes me want to believe that somehow you’re okay. That your soul isn’t as damaged as you have deemed it be.

But then it’s gone, just as quickly as it came. Your sweet mournful smile is no more. I come close, and closer still. Gentle as an angel’s breath I touch your cheek, skin to skin, and wipe away your gleaming tear. As you sit here, alone once again, I sigh the song I long for you to hear in the darkness surrounding us both.

* * *

Walking the woods on this snowy winter’s day, I find my mind being drawn back to you again and again. Each willowy tree, every delicate leaf still hanging by a thread, calls to me masked with your voice. That tree, right there, where you kissed me like a feather for the very first time. The snowy field, at the bottom of that hill, where we layed for hours, bundled up in coats and hats, carving out snowy angels. The pond where we swam and you sang to me songs of love and light, happiness and spoken words.

This deepening forest of spirit and magical felicity is all I have left of you, for you are no more besides thoughts and memories. Glimpses of blackened hair, contrasting so greatly against snow covered ground. The faint freckles on your face compelling the speckles in your loving eyes to shine.

I close my own eyes, blocking out the blinding landscape surrounding me, and I listen. I listen and I hear, somehow behind me, with structure and entirety, your voice speaking my name.

* * *

My heart, it leaps, it bounds in meadows of grass and roses, it soars through blue knit skies and sunset filled clouds, it smiles and jumps, sings and shouts, for you, my love, have heard me.

Author's Note

Lovers come and lovers go/ Once they lived but now they're ghosts/ Walking the streets they used to know/ Like shadows
People disappear/ Every hour and every year/ Sometimes I believe they're here/ Like shadows/ Like shadows
Blowing like a secret wind/ Pouring on my naked skin/ Like a river flowing in the ocean
And when I turned to see your face/ I saw a joy I could not place/ Vanishing without a trace/ Like a shadow in the sun

Song = Ghost, By Glass Pear

Reviews

[TheSweet]

You rolled all the Ghost stories into one, then? With a little edit I believe too? Very nicely done - does give it more of a complete feel to the story. It's also much shorter than it seems like this.

I love some of the phrasings you use and you've captured the emotion of the piece very well. You've left a lot about the actual characters up for speculation but there's a key point to the story that hoping your loved are near isn't always a nice thing to think. It's a sad write.

I do very much like the idea and the way this is written. Thanks for sharing :)