With an Open heart

With an Open heart

A Poem by Michael Wright


My heart remains open


The scars of past love


I have bled a river


To what end I have


The love shall remain


The pain of loving you


Even today it remains


You walked like a demon


From the crime you committed


The blood you spilled


Ripping my heart apart


Falling into darkness


Forever encapsulated by you


Banished from the that plain


Removed from those dreams


Torn and ripped apart


Shredded upon the floor


I shall still wait for it


My heart will always be open




© 2015 Michael Wright



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Hi! I liked the first six lines, but I will be honest - I thought the rhyme scheme of the poem will be the same as, well, the first six lines. I like the idea of the poem, I can actually visualize the blood red scene here, but it doesn't feel smooth. You just need to reword the way the rest of the lines are written, follow the first couple and make sure it flows :) Best of luck and thank you for giving me the opportunity to read this! ^_^

Posted 2 Years Ago


1 of 1 people found this review constructive.

Michael Wright

2 Years Ago

Thank you for your feedback



Reviews

I too, liked the imagery, but something abut the flow didn't quite work for me. It almost felt like there were a few lines omitted perhaps.

Posted 2 Years Ago


1 of 1 people found this review constructive.

Michael Wright

2 Years Ago

Thank you for the feedback
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dan
Wow, THAT'S going to leave a mark! Most of us have been down that road of destruction with our bodies and mind splayed open, hoping that the winds of change will bring rain to wash away the gory remnants of a crash-and-burn love gone BOOM. In time the wind softens and a gentle breeze brings healing and the need to move forward without looking back. A very open and heartfelt write, my compliments! take care...dan

Posted 2 Years Ago


Michael Wright

2 Years Ago

Thank you for the feedback Dan
Very nice poem ............

Posted 2 Years Ago


1 of 1 people found this review constructive.

Michael Wright

2 Years Ago

Thank you for your feedback
The heart wants what the heart wants -
I could feel the emotion in your words.. Great writing.

Julie

Posted 2 Years Ago


1 of 1 people found this review constructive.

Michael Wright

2 Years Ago

Yes at times the Heart wants it cant have
amazing how now matter how much someone might hurt us, our love for that person refuses to die....even as our heart is bleeding to death, we still hold onto that love.

can feel the conflict in this one, deeply.

Posted 2 Years Ago


2 of 2 people found this review constructive.

Michael Wright

2 Years Ago

Thank you for your feedback
I agree with you on your comments
Hi! I liked the first six lines, but I will be honest - I thought the rhyme scheme of the poem will be the same as, well, the first six lines. I like the idea of the poem, I can actually visualize the blood red scene here, but it doesn't feel smooth. You just need to reword the way the rest of the lines are written, follow the first couple and make sure it flows :) Best of luck and thank you for giving me the opportunity to read this! ^_^

Posted 2 Years Ago


1 of 1 people found this review constructive.

Michael Wright

2 Years Ago

Thank you for your feedback

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Added on June 26, 2015
Last Updated on June 26, 2015

Author

Michael Wright
Michael Wright

Springfield, MA



About
I am 50, single Retired, I am a novice to this writing world. I am learning each day. I do not share all my writing with you. I look forward to chatting with many of you. I will only review writin.. more..

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