i'm thinking Iceland

i'm thinking Iceland

A Poem by mercy party
"

#5

"

these damages were not unforseen
you know i've tried everything
to make you understand
i've been folding winning hands
and taking bullets
i run the gauntlet
for you

and we wont live this legend anymore
because we're dead,dead in the water 
in the muck pile no one will ever know what we had,
do you even know
why should i bother?

classic cut and run
to a far off island
i just want to go 
as far away from mexico
as i can, as i can
i'm thinking Iceland 
and maybe just maybe 
you'll catch up on lost sleep
stop being such a creep

what are you gonna do 
when he follows through
and he's not gonna be so honest?
a sad divergence -
has been coming to you,
maybe then you'll be true
maybe then you'll be true

© 2017 mercy party



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Featured Review

• these damages were not unforseen
Uhhh...what damages? You know. The person this was written about knows. But the one you wrote it for? They can't even guess. And it matters not at all if you clarify later, because "Huh?" once said cannot be retroactively removed.

You had context as you wrote. So it has meaning. Doesn't the reader deserve the same?

• you know i've tried everything
Actually, I don't. I don't know what we're talking about, or what I've done (or who you're talking to if not me).

• i've been folding winning hands
What can this mean to someone who knows neither party, what the line refers to, or the smalllest thing that led to this?

Never lose sight of the fact that the goal isn't to tell the reader things, or talk about how you feel. it's to make them FEEL.

Posted 9 Months Ago


1 of 1 people found this review constructive.

mercy party

9 Months Ago

Thanks for an honest evaluation. I will take what i can from it and work harder. I find what you sai.. read more
Lauren Nicks

9 Months Ago

I actually really enjoyed this writing. The beautiful thing about poetry (one of the main reasons wh.. read more



Reviews

Oh my god, I've been thinking Iceland too, or Denmark, Norway, Sweden...any place else!! Seriously. You are really good...so glad you found my page. "i've been folding winning hands
and taking bullets"...wonderful!

Posted 6 Months Ago


mercy party

6 Months Ago

i can't say thank you enough! i am glad you stumbled across this one.
I like how you set up the tone. I like how you turn the blaming process into an escaping thing. The thing is just, I can't seem to connect the last stanza into the 1st, 2nd and 3rd. It was really good I must say but this would be better with a smooth delivery of the context like I am expecting this would be a first person poem yet at the end it turns out to be a third person "he" which I do not know who? All in all, well done. Keep writing. :)

Posted 6 Months Ago


I feel it gives the vibe of song lyrics if put to some amazing violin, but that is just me. A great piece, full of emotion, albeit one-sided.

Posted 8 Months Ago


mercy party

8 Months Ago

thanks for that. it's a song. it's sort of up tempo folk, violin would work for sure. i appreciate t.. read more
This poem to me looks like a part of a bigger work. I like the short effective lines. And the emotion expressed is clear.
"in the muck pile no one will ever know what we had,"
The above line is touching.

Posted 8 Months Ago


mercy party

8 Months Ago

it is, and thank you! sorry for the delay.
An escape is evident here with a lady and running from a third party. I wonder if iceland is the place to hide! Nice write and JayG has some useful hints even for me :)

Posted 9 Months Ago


mercy party

9 Months Ago

Iceland was name Ice-land by Norwegian vikings so it wouldn't sound attractive, this way nobody woul.. read more
andrew mitchell

9 Months Ago

i know of this and greenland was not green!
I guess you have to escape sometimes from it all. Iceland sounds good...Bravo..............

Posted 9 Months Ago


mercy party

9 Months Ago

hey thanks for checking it out! Iceland was named Iceland for that very reason. The story continues... read more
Sami Khalil

9 Months Ago

OK. Youare welcome continuous/ly......................
sometimes love will drive you crazy,or to iceland,my guess you`re allready there

Posted 9 Months Ago


mercy party

9 Months Ago

dont tell anyone! thanks man.
This is really a very good poem to read...well penned

Posted 9 Months Ago


This comment has been deleted by the poster.
mercy party

9 Months Ago

thank you for checking it out.
This was an enjoyable read and I can only guess this is about someone you either liked or had some sort of realationship with.

I quite like the first stanza the most it just somehow spoke the loudest that and it sounds cool that's always a plus.

Did you put the same two sentences at the end on purpose because I think only one of them delivers a good stopping point and the second one just kinda feels like a run on for no reason.

Sincerely,Sir_Anonymous

Posted 9 Months Ago


mercy party

9 Months Ago

thanks for checking it out. yea, as far as the doubling down on the last line it was for the sake of.. read more
• these damages were not unforseen
Uhhh...what damages? You know. The person this was written about knows. But the one you wrote it for? They can't even guess. And it matters not at all if you clarify later, because "Huh?" once said cannot be retroactively removed.

You had context as you wrote. So it has meaning. Doesn't the reader deserve the same?

• you know i've tried everything
Actually, I don't. I don't know what we're talking about, or what I've done (or who you're talking to if not me).

• i've been folding winning hands
What can this mean to someone who knows neither party, what the line refers to, or the smalllest thing that led to this?

Never lose sight of the fact that the goal isn't to tell the reader things, or talk about how you feel. it's to make them FEEL.

Posted 9 Months Ago


1 of 1 people found this review constructive.

mercy party

9 Months Ago

Thanks for an honest evaluation. I will take what i can from it and work harder. I find what you sai.. read more
Lauren Nicks

9 Months Ago

I actually really enjoyed this writing. The beautiful thing about poetry (one of the main reasons wh.. read more

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Added on January 21, 2017
Last Updated on January 21, 2017


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