so close

you hanged me so my toes were just inches from the floor.

you walk away i hear you say "so close"

Reviews

[JayG]

• you hanged me so my toes were just inches from the floor.

You're posturing for dramatic effect, and it interferes. If you're hanged, does it matter if you're inches from the floor or ten feet? Dead is dead, and the one hanging there, in the moments before death, would not be focused on the distance.

• you walk away i hear you say "so close"

So someone unknown has been abandoned by someone not introduced. For you, who has intent to guide you, the meaning and emotion, is clear. But where is the reader's way in, the hook that will bring the all-important empethetic reaction from them. That's why it's important to edit from the seat of the reader, who knows only what the words have said, as they understand them.

[BBP]

• you hanged me so my toes were just inches from the floor.

You're posturing for dramatic effect, and it interferes. If you're hanged, does it matter if you're inches from the floor or ten feet? Dead is dead


He never said they were dead and inches from the floor when you are dying..not dead...means you are so close to being able to save yourself from death.

So, yes, the distance can matter.

If you were tied to a chair and a knife was just inches from your fingertips as opposed to across the room, hope would remain because you would be 'so close' to being able to escape.

[mercy party]

JayG. i always do appreciate your take. After reading your reviews i always like to look back and see what i may have missed and make it better. i like your various ploys and sense of gamesmanship. BBP really nails it in terms of the idea of hope. I picture that maybe dying of thirst in the desert with your cheek in the cool mud of an oasis. Having a sinister nemesis mock you as you go might really suck, worse. Thank you both for the great input. :)

[emmajoy]

Need think more about these words, think they're almost the double edged sword.. but is it 'you' or 'me' holding it? Intriguing, will re.read at a later date to see if i can solve my own perplexed fascination!

[mercy party]

Thank you so much for pondering this. :)
i appreciate it.

[Alessander]

I like the idea of the space between a dead man's feet and the ground.
A foot or so between love abd death, love and loss

[mercy party]

Always only on the verge. Thank you Alessander

[Ana Papaya]

When I read this I can hear the voice of a woman as she says 'so close' softly under her breath and so for me the story centers around that voice and not that of the man being hanged. I'm reading it as a male / female scene. And if I put myself in her shoes I can see her leaving a man hanging, walking away from a relationship she very nearly got tied up in herself. She almost gave her heart away, so close. And he did, poor fella. So sad. Anyway, I guess I read it a bit differently even though I am sure that is not how it was written. I think it's a really great 'tiny story' for how it can be read any which way but I did not read it as literal death or dying, more the ending of a near relationship.

[mercy party]

YOU have such a capacity for gaining deep and accurate understanding. Thank you so much for your take on this, very much appreciated.

[Ana Papaya]

You're welcome. It was my pleasure. :)

[american sunshine]

I do like it. Short yet provokes thought.

[mercy party]

thank you.

[ms. barrie]

the suspense your pen vividly captured in these few lines, are succinctly wrought, and is amazing. thanks for the read ~ x

[mercy party]

Thank you, your reading of this is much appreciated. :)

[BBP]

Getting dark with it lol Now I want to read a story about it.

[mercy party]

Someone's got to do it right? Thank you! :)

[sette]

the pain is there it is very transparent in the poem. Stay strong.

[mercy party]

thank you for that sentiment, i appreciate it.