Epiphany

Epiphany

 

I

 

Torrie sat alone, thinking about all that she had to do that day.  As she sat with her elbows on the table with her left cheek resting on her left hand, Torrie yawned from a lack of sleep the night before.

            Actually it wasn’t that she hadn’t slept but more that she had dreamt for the better part of the night.  Torrie’s dreams for the past few months had been much the same.  She would dream that she was in a park, no particular park that she recognized, and she seemed to be lying on her back staring at the stars.  What bothered her was that as she was staring at the stars the world seemed to be spinning around her. 

At first, Torrie gave very little thought to what this recurring dream meant but as she had them more and more her dreams had actually begun to overwhelm her and in some ways disturb her.  But she wasn’t one to give herself over whole- heartedly to the mystical and spiritual ideas of dreams.

            No, Torrie thought herself rational, intelligent, and most of all, beautiful.  This thought was not unsubstantiated.  In fact, she was all of these things, especially beautiful.  Torrie was 29 years old with shoulder length brown hair and deep brown eyes.  Her body made other women envious because it didn’t require a lot of exercise.  It was amazing to every woman how Torrie could maybe walk a little in the afternoon but never really exercise and yet have this perfect body.  Not only that, but she wore very little if any make-up.  Her beauty was purely natural.

            What was intriguing to most people about Torrie was that she was single and had never been married.  Her life at this point wasn’t to be found in a man, but rather trying to figure out what life in general was about.  Some might think that she was trying to “find herself”.  This wasn’t the case at all.  She was fully aware of who and where she was. There was only one question that eluded her and she desired an answer for: Why?

            Why?  The last of all questions to be answered.  Even after you have answered who, where, when, and how, the Why? is the most captivating and the most difficult to answer.  Torrie had made a vow to herself that she would never give or receive love until she could answer that one question.  That was the reason she was not married and possibly the reason she would never marry.

            What was this question, really?  For Torrie it was more than just a question in need of an answer because the question was always present, but she needed the answer because she felt if she never found or received the answer her life was pointless.  This pointless life was one of her greatest fears.  She saw the answer to the Why?, as being the meaning behind everything, which for her she reduced down to the lowest common denominator which was life itself.  

            Of late Torrie had been occasionally going out with someone. Her friends expected that Torrie would never date anyone less physically perfect than herself.  What really shocked most people was that he looked so common.  David wasn’t ugly but neither was there anything about him that would captivate a crowd. 

Torrie wasn’t at all going against her covenant with herself in that she wouldn’t give or receive love until the why was answered.  Torrie saw this as nothing more than a platonic relationship, one that was purely innocent. 

Their meeting was mere chance to Torrie.  Every Friday afternoon Torrie loved to walk to Square Books to browse through the new releases, though her favorites were the Russian classics.  One afternoon David had stopped in to check on a book by an author a friend had told him about: Milan Kundera.  As Torrie was looking at Tolstoy, David had found a book by Kundera and had sat down to browse through some pages.  This was the first time Torrie noticed David.  Actually, she didn’t notice David as much as she noticed the book he was reading. The first thing that she thought was:

 Wow! a man who doesn’t just read those semi-pornographic magazines like Maxim.  Is he real?  Any man that reads Kundera has to at least have some intelligence.

  Torrie ordered a double shot of espresso and as she passed back by David she spoke, “Hello…just

wondering if this is the first book you ever picked up by Kundera or if you had read any of his others?”

“My first.  A friend had said how much he loved his writing and so I thought I would check him out”, David said somewhat taken back.  “By the way, my name is David Criswell.”

“Oh, sorry I didn’t introduce myself at first.  Hi, I’m Torrie Donner.  I just noticed the book you were looking at and Kundera is a favorite of mine. If you don’t mind me suggesting a book to you, I believe you would truly enjoy his most popular book, The Unbearable Lightness of Being” she said.

David replied somewhat nervous and intrigued by this beautiful woman, “Um, well, ok I will take a look at The Unbearable Lightness of Being.”

Weeks went by following this first encounter, but when David finished his first book by Kundera, he went back to Square Books for more Kundera and in hopes of seeing Torrie Donner, which he did.  In time they became a readers group to themselves.  That was the beginning.  That was how their platonic relationship began.

 

II

The thoughts of her date with David that coming evening, and her dreams from the night before were all that filled her mind that morning.  That was so unlike Torrie.

She thought:

 I can’t focus on anything except those dreams.  And why do I keep thinking about David.  What does all this mean?  Even more important, Why?

For David, Torrie was the who, the when, the where, the how and the why of life.  The only problem was that he could never tell her.  He knew that all that would happen would be that she would push him away.  You see, David understood and knew something that Torrie didn’t.  He knew Torrie better than anyone and it was possible that he knew her better than herself.  How?  The exact same thing Torrie had been looking for all her life David had searched and found the answer early in his life.

Approximately 15 minutes before Torrie arrived at work, the face of America went through a horrific change.  No one was untouched by the tragedy of the day, not even Torrie.  In fact, for Torrie the question Why? became even more branded into her mind.

Torrie called David when she got to work.  David was somewhat surprised when his secretary told him: “Torrie, line one.”  Torrie hardly ever called unless she had to cancel their date.  So naturally, his first thought was how he would spend this upcoming lonely evening.  He picked up the phone with gloom. To his surprise she was calling to confirm their plans.  And then they talked of the tragedy.  On the phone they exchanged their horror at what had occurred, then hung up.  David understood more than Torrie understood of why she had called.  All the fear and sorrow he felt was what she felt. 

            Their day at work was difficult.  All they could think about was the Why? of it all.  That evening David picked her up and they went to eat at their usual restaurant, Rosetti’s.  Conversation was small.  What they both had seen on the evening news kept running through their minds, but it stayed out of their talk.  The smoke and rubble of blue sky and fallen towers seemed unreal to them.  The dust looked like grey snow falling in mid September.  Even more unreal were the pictures of those who had lost their mothers, fathers, sons, daughters, and friends.

            As Torrie looked around the restaurant, she noticed more people than ever praying before their meal.  Maybe they always had, but tonight she noticed it even more.

            “David, do you mind if I pray?” she asked him leaning toward him as though that very moment was sacred and she didn’t want to defile the other’s moment of worship.

            David was not what most people would consider a religious man, but prayer was what he desired most at that very moment.  He could feel the need to pray.  

            “No, would you like me to pray for us?” he asked.

“If you don’t mind, I would like to” she replied.

“I’m not sure if I’m doing this right, but God, could you help me with the one question of my life, that being, Why?  God could you also be with all the husbands, wives, parents, and children who lost loved ones today?  Thank you for my life.  Amen.”

David was deeply moved at the openness and honesty in which Torrie prayed.  After the prayer he gently grasped her hand.  For the first time he touched her exclusively.  There were no expectations.  It was just the touch of a hand.

They finished their meal and were getting into the car when David asked if she would like to drive over to the park and walk for a little while.  Torrie did not want to be alone, so the proposition sounded wonderful to her.

Now, everything was running through Torrie’s mind: the dreams, the day’s events, prayer, and most of all, David grasping her hand.

As they walked a little further they stopped and sat down on the merry-go- round.  They both laid back and looked up at the stars.  They slowly turned round and round.  As they both looked up at a cloudless and starry sky, their worlds changed.  David grasped Torrie’s hand once again but this time he would never let go.  It seemed they were locked for life.  They both knew it, too.  It was in this moment that Torrie seemed to gain perfect understanding into her life.  Her dreams of lying on her back spinning while seeing nothing but stars made perfect sense.  Most importantly, her question of Why? was answered by the touch of a hand.