Presidential Form Letter

Don't deviate from the script!

"To White House Aides-

-the following form letter is to be given to President 

Trump, following yet-another mass shooting, as he's 

liable to go off half-cocked at the mouth:

"Hello--glad you could hear me today. Is everybody 

having a good time? Good, glad to hear it. Today, I'm 

told there's been another mass shooting in _____(fill 

in blank) I understand the shooter was ______(fill in 

blank) (If Muslim--'See, build my wall, and this cretin-

thug-b*****d would have never been in a firing 

position. This just proves my point, what I've been 

saying all along, these terrorists are dangerous,and I 

can stop them, but only if you all quit being 

Democrats) (If the shooter was white, 'Now is not the 

time to talk about this, other than I'll add it's a 

mental health issue, not a firearm issue.' (Pause, 

acknowledge the applause coming from the guy in 

the 

'I's Smart!' tee shirt.) 'Once again, I urge you all to 

have some drinks, party, and think about what I've 

said here today. I bless the United States of 

America."