Entrapped

Feeling scared and lost when you dig to make your ammends or fufil dreams

I'm locked away.
I'm cold I'm scared.
I followed my fears.
I am where no one has dared.

I'm alone, I'm searching
I'm so lost.
I can't hear a sound.
I see it wasn't worth the cost.

I'm closed in.
I'm fighting I'm unable to get out.
I can't see a thing.
I am filling with doubt.

I'm entrapped in a place.
I'm unable to breathe.
I am lost in my mind.
I am forever trapped and wanting to leave.

Reviews

[L.I. Black]

I must agree with lawrence, there's most certainly a sense of claustrophobia to it. It's very wonderful in the fact it translates to feelings, it's not always easy to make a readers heart speed up and make them want to claw their way out of an imaginary box, haha. Nicely done.

[The Lone Wolf Prose]

The repetition gave me the feeling of being in a strait-jacket almost, rocking back and forth, wanting to escape but trapped in my own mind...Hollow is the feeling I almost got when reading this poem. The emptiness the imprisoned soul was feeling.

Nicely done
Look forward to reading more

LW

[Tate Morgan]

Interesting Hope you can find your way out

[Sabbath_Nikole]

Very nice. the wanting to leave part sticks out from the rest of the poem, but i like it, draws the audience towards that desire.

[Deaths Cold Kiss]

deep write..last stanza was really good. love the title

[Wolfe Greytome]

very well written piece. I liked this one A LOT...

[BELLA]

love it

[Livana Lowell]

When I first start reading this, I think of a low, sweet melody and I actually started trying to sing the lines.

I think the controlling theme is very beauiful and relative to the reader. In fact, this poem makes me think about when I had to choose between two high school I really wanted to attend. One had all my friends and almost no dress code and one had the academic requirements I need to fullfil my dreams as a writer and marriage counslor(physology and leadership skills.) So, gathering all the wisdom I could and asking God for guidance, I chose the one that could help me on fullfill my dreams, though, it was quite the lonely path. I mean, I love the things I learn, but I'm so alone and scared because there's so many immature people and by immature I mean gangs, violence, just peole who don't care, almost like an alternative school. My first few months there, I was kind of sad and felt exactly like this poem.

I love the anaphorical use when you repeat the I in each beginning line. I invision a person searching for guidance, but feels nothing coming.

However, when you say I am lost in my mind, I kind of question whether you just put that there because you already said the narrator is lost, why emphasize on it. It would seem the poem still has strength if you took that out. I don't know, maybe, my intepretation is bad. I guess you were trying to hold the pattern of having four line in each stanza.

Anyways, the last line threw me off key here. I guess it's fine, but deleting the and replacing it with a comma makes the last line emphasize on the wanting to leave part.

Also, when you say you're talking about a MOMENT of feeling scared or a period of time in the desire of accomplising your dreams, why would you say forever unless you're adding depth to the meaning like COMPLETE hopelessness.

Overall, I love it, I've read one poem and I like your writing already, so good job.

[Kia-chan!]

Very....interesting. good write :)

[Zeitgeist Manifesto]

I like this poem alot. Taking the gamble in life does not always pay off.
We like to be optimists about this sort of thing, but you brought a nightmare
to light that we dont like to think about. Great original perspective!

[Tara♥Undefined&h..]

Very deep words and a nice idea behind it all, but it did lack a constant flow and it didn't really have a rhthm to it. This is a common mistake writers, including myself make. So its not that big of a deal, but it can be in the case where it throws off the reader. If I am thrown of in such a way it distracts me from the deepness of the words. You can read it over and try to fix it by ear or you can message me if you would like any help. I loved this poem. It was very good. Keep writing. :) Its a pleasure to have you in my group. Dont forget to post it in the forum or you will not be included when i make the final decision.