Please

Please

A Poem by bella
"

Just a poem to a guy who'll never read this

"

Please be honest

Do not tell me you love me

If all it is is lust

Please do not lie


Please be honest

Do not tell me my eyes shine like the sea

When the sparkles are tears you caused

Please do not lie


Please be honest

Do not tell me our love is like the sun and the moons

When our love could not be found in the deepest of oceans

Please do not lie


Please be honest

Do not tell me you’ll stay

If your mind is always out the door

Please do not lie


Please be honest

Do not make empty promises

You know you’ll break

Please do not lie


Please be honest

Don’t call me an angel

Because you’re the devil

Please do not lie


Please be honest

Please do not hurt me

Please stay

Please do not lie






© 2017 bella



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Featured Review

I can relate more than I want to admit.

I sometimes wonder if ppl don't take their words seriously, as if words are seasoning one can dash one day, and shelve another, or if they simply get carried away and mean what they say, but it's fleeting because their hearts aren't rooted, deep or sincere, or perhaps if they're just pathological and used as tentacles of manipulation...or maybe a mix of all.

IMO, such ppl with such words should be confronted.


Instead of sending them a poem, should whack em across the head with a book lol

I like how heartfelt this comes across.

Almost a muffled plea on a pillow.

Posted 3 Months Ago


1 of 1 people found this review constructive.

bella

3 Months Ago

If it was more socially acceptable I would smack him with a book but instead he read this poem and d.. read more
Gee

3 Months Ago

I give you full permission to go whack him with a book on one condition, it is big and heavy.
.. read more
bella

3 Months Ago

Haha if i do i'll send it to you first



Reviews

I appreciates the sense and emotion of this poem. There's need for honesty if two can thrive. Well articulated.

Posted 1 Month Ago


you is an good writer keep going

Posted 1 Month Ago


Honesty, a lost art to some for some speak hollow words. Sometimes confusion can lead to the lack of knowing if it is a need or a want and that inevitably leads to breaking someone's heart. There is no easy choice at times, even walking away pains in such circumstances :)

Posted 3 Months Ago


that was very good, it was dark and mysteries, u were able to cover a topic which is sometimes hard to talk about :)

Posted 3 Months Ago


I can relate more than I want to admit.

I sometimes wonder if ppl don't take their words seriously, as if words are seasoning one can dash one day, and shelve another, or if they simply get carried away and mean what they say, but it's fleeting because their hearts aren't rooted, deep or sincere, or perhaps if they're just pathological and used as tentacles of manipulation...or maybe a mix of all.

IMO, such ppl with such words should be confronted.


Instead of sending them a poem, should whack em across the head with a book lol

I like how heartfelt this comes across.

Almost a muffled plea on a pillow.

Posted 3 Months Ago


1 of 1 people found this review constructive.

bella

3 Months Ago

If it was more socially acceptable I would smack him with a book but instead he read this poem and d.. read more
Gee

3 Months Ago

I give you full permission to go whack him with a book on one condition, it is big and heavy.
.. read more
bella

3 Months Ago

Haha if i do i'll send it to you first
It is important to be honest, it is the key towards anyones trust

Posted 3 Months Ago


Promises aren't all they're cracked up to be, sometimes. I've heard too many like you're describing here & so I don't believe that easily anymore. Your poem is hanging on the edge of wanting to believe & losing the trust to do so. It's a masterful dance of hoping & giving up hope. We finish this poem thinking: "this narrator is going to be hurt." Sigh! (((HUGS))) Fondly, Margie

Posted 4 Months Ago


There are indeed a lot of repetations of the same Line
as if you are saying the same thing again and again - May be like frustation
But, I guess You can decipher the same meaning while changing the number of repetations!

Otherwise, The Poem is Nice :)

Posted 4 Months Ago


I think you're overdoing the repetition, in that the first stanza pretty much says it all. In fact, the first line does that. And were you to change, "Please be honest" to "Please be kind," nothing would change. Were you to reorder the stanzas, what would change?

That aside, in your poems, in general, you can tighten the writing by getting rid of what's not vital to the thought. Any word you can remove, without changing the thought or your voice speeds the read for more impact. Some examples:

• Why not use contractions for a less formal feel?

• "Do not tell me my eyes shine like the sea
When the sparkles are tears you caused."
Reduces to:
Don't say my eyes shine
After making me cry.

Why? Because shine is shine. "Like the sea" could be like any shiny surface, and the fact OF the shine is what matters. And in any case, sparkles and shine are different.

• Do not tell me you’ll stay
If your mind is always out the door
reduces to
Don't say you’ll stay
While planning to leave.

Why? The word "always is unneeded. And it's not that the person's mind is "out the door," it's leaving that's unwanted. So this tightens the prose.

• Do not make empty promises
You know you’ll break
reduces to: Don't make empty promises."

An empy promise IS one that won't be kept,

When writing poetry or fiction, try to involve the reader, not inform them. A reader wants to be made to feel, not learn about someone else's feelings.

Sorry my news isn't better. But writing is a journey, not a destination, so if you learn something new every day; if you write a little better every day, asnd you live long enough...

Hang in there and keep on writing.

Jay Greenstein
https://jaygreenstein.wordpress.com/category/the-craft-of-writing/

Posted 4 Months Ago



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Added on October 19, 2017
Last Updated on October 19, 2017

Author

bella
bella

MA



About
I'm really just trying to gain confidence as a poet and hopefully get better. I have a lot to say unfortunately. Just a Jewish girl trying to help people and writing poetry along the way. more..

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