the Shadows

Part 2 of the Shadows collection

Please, don't drag me back there. 

I'll travel through hell and back six hundred and sixty six times.

I'll serve a life sentence in the coldest part of Siberia. 

I'll live in the middle of the desert alone for years upon years if only to escape one day there.

Anywhere but the Shadows. 

 

Don't make me feel that way again.  

I'd rather be eaten alive by a pack of starving hyenas

Have my skin sliced open and have lemon juice, salt, even rubbing alcohol poured into every one of those openings

Even let my body be burned as I lay writhing in pain just to escape their punishment.

Anything but the Shadows. 

 

Don't force me to see their sinister faces again.

I'd rather befriend Satan 

Or let leeches suck every ounce of blood out of me. 

I'd rather let my ex-best friend stab me in the back again just to avoid them 

Anyone but the Shadows.

 

I ran for a reason and escaping them was hard enough.

At first they were good to me and helped me, but now I see that the wanted only to destroy me. 

I thought I could escape Insanity's clutches but he controlled the Shadows too.

They break even the strongest part of me and still haunt my mind.

Just because I escaped there once doesn't mean I can do it again.

 

So go ahead, trap me in a room filled with shattered mirrors on the floor and dead bodies on the wall,

Lay me down and slowly drip water onto my forehead,

Let Insanity tear me limb from limb

Because I dare not go back to the Shadows.

Anywhere, anything, anyone but the shadows

Author's Note

It's a bit dark but any constructive criticism will help thanks

Reviews

[Lyn Anderson]

A really good, dark piece, as in another review I spied, if you are looking for a tweak or two, make the longer lines shorter and take out the added words that slow up the rhythm. It would move even faster without them, and become even darker and more dramatic.

[Nia Hope]

Thanks for reading and thank you for the review! :)

[Annabelle Lee]

fantastic! I loved this!!!!

[Nia Hope]

Thank you :)

[Richard]

this was dark,
BUT behind the darkness was a clear voice and it was touching and desperate and imaginative and I really enjoyed it.

[Nia Hope]

Thank you :)

[Richard]

You're welcome

[Mark]

Damn, I can't think of anything worse than what you've described which leaves a seething curiosity regarding just what is so bad about the Shadows? I guess I wished there was more description regarding the Shadows as the well thought out, eloquent and gruesome things the writer would rather face.

[Brianna Brie]

Wow...this poem has a lot of strong potential. It is very creative the way you come up with every scenario that you would rather be made to do. I especially like the way you keep referring to the shadows. It makes me wonder what the hell happened in the shadows. As a writer, I think you have found your voice, impressive. The only thing I would do different in this poem is break the longer lines up different and drop some of the unnecessarily words. Using the second verse I provided an example below:

Don't make me feel that way again.
I would rather be eaten alive
by a pack of starving hyenas,
have my skin sliced open
with lemon juice, salt, even rubbing alcohol
poured into those openings.
I'd rather let my body burn
as I lay writhing in pain
just to escape their punishment
anything but the Shadows.

[Nia Hope]

Okay thank you :)

[Baby Ricochet]

Wow! Those shadows must be some serious a******s. Creepy poem. Great job

[Nia Hope]

Lol they are and thank you is there anything I can do to maybe make it better if I were to rewrite it?

[Baby Ricochet]

It's free verse prose so there's a lot of room to maneuver. So mechanically It's fine as it is.

[Nia Hope]

Okay thank you :)

[jvava]

Wow! Very dark and haunting...but VERY well-written! Keep writing like this; it appears you have a niche for it. Awesome job!!

[Nia Hope]

Thank you that means a lot! :)

[jvava]

Good job on winning that contest!! You deserve it!!

[Nia Hope]

Lol thank you :)

[Joshua David Dary]

Damn.

[Nia Hope]

Thanks... I think. Is there anything I could do to improve it if it were to be rewritten?

[Joshua David Dary]

Maybe an intro with some backstory...people who may not know you as well as I do may not understand it...but they might, too, because some people HAVE indeed gone to that dark place before. Overall, as for the piece itself, it's great the way it is.

[Nia Hope]

Okay thanks!