Defeated Slavery Fighter

A darker poem about a man that has fallen and knows his end is near.

The clutch of the grave, the will of the damned.
No hope still remained for this fallen-down man.
He had fought till his legs ached and he finally tripped,

He had fought till the last breath went from his lips.


His end was so near and he knew it too well,

that he couldn't resist a small prayer to tell 

of his utter defeat in an arena such as this,

with children and family following into the abyss.

He knew he had lost all the hope that they had

of ever escaping their master's house of the mad.
They would hate him and scorn his name forever and ever

as they continued to bow beneath their captor, the devil.

Author's Note

I know the rhythm is all messed up and that's one of my main problems when writing a poem because I find it hard to tell the story I want to tell with the confines of poetry standards, but some of my ideas just need to be woven into reality through this format.
I'll keep working on it, but for now this is a good try.

Reviews

[Bunny]

If I knew you wanted to do better at the rhythm I would have dragged you to my American Literature course coz i slept through the whole iambic part and you could have helped me with the exams...or told my cute American professor to stop torturing me with iampig...

Anyway, i think it doesn't matter how well the rhythm is or how beautiful the words are. A good poem touches people's heart, and only when you reach your heart deep deep can you write a poem that does the trick, like this one :D I love it.

It's so ...you

[Gem]

Some of your vocabulary choices were intriguing and I think added strength to the message (as well as making it easier to visualize).

[Tim Piotrowicz]

Thank you so much for your words :) I feel like you are right about the words adding strength to the message. I hope I can produce more content like this and your encouragement helps me in that endeavor :)

[DrD]

Interesting rhyming pattern that first caught my attention. Well structured with good word selection. A write well worth Reading.

[baileybennett22]

I got chills reading this. So cynical and perfect!

[Blissful Sin]

Touching. I think its a great poem friend!

-Bliss

[Coyote Poetry]

A amazing poem my friend. I could feel the danger and the stress in your words. Last thoughts and actions are a interesting topic to discuss. I like the closing of this poem. The Devil always gets his payment. Thank you for the outstanding poetry.
Coyote

[Dean Kuch®]

The rhythm, the metre, iambic pentameter, syllable count...to me, that stuff is pretentious hogwash and the main reason I don't write too much poetry. Too many restrictions (as you've mentioned), and I've got too little time to worry whether or not 'snot' rhymes with 'rot'...

When you write what's in your heart, your inner most feelings and emotions, and you put pen to page to scrawl them into a poem, you've created something. Your poem is raw, wrought with true emotion and feeling, and THAT'S what matters. it's not pretentious, and delivers a strong, valid message. What more could one ask for?
Nicely done, Tim...

[Tim Piotrowicz]

Wow Dean thank you for this review it really encouraged me. I will continue to write even if it doesnt come out in the "proper" format ;)

[Dean Kuch®]

I would encourage you to stick with your unique style, Tim, no matter what the popular poetic pundit police have to say...

[Jade]

I'm speechless...

[Tim Piotrowicz]

in a good way?

[Jade]

Of course!!!!! Sorry I didn't make that too obvious, ha ha.