A truely sad story

a story about cancer

She jumped up as soon as the surgeon came out of the operating room.

She said, "How is my little boy? Will he be alright? When can I see him?"

The surgeon said, "I'm so sorry, we did everything we could. Your boy didn't make it."

Sally said, “why do little children get cancer? Doesn’t god care anymore? Where were you, God, when my son needed you?"

The surgeon asked “Would you like some time alone with your son? One of nurses will be along soon, before they transport him to the university."

Sally asked the nurse to stay with her while she said good bye to her son. She rubbed the fingers lovingly through her son's thick red curly hair.

“Would you like a lock of his hair?” the nurse asked. Sally nodded. The nurse cut a lock of hair before placing it in a plastic bag and handing it to sally.

The mother said, "It was Jimmy’s idea to donate his body to the University for Study. He said it might help someone else. I said no at first but he said, ' but mum I won’t need it when i die. Maybe it can help another little boy spend longer with his mum". She continued, “My Jimmy had a heart of gold. Always thinking of someone else."

Sally walked out the children’s mercy hospital for the last time, after spending about six months there with Jimmy.

She sat in her car with Jimmy’s belongings in a bag on the seat beside her. The drive home was difficult. Entering the empty house was even harder. Sally carried Jimmy’s belongings to his room and placed them on his chair. She put his cars back exactly where he kept them. Then she placed his lock of hair by his bed, and then she lay down and, hugging his pillow, cried herself to sleep.

Sally awoke about midnight and saw a folded up letter on the bed. When she opened it, it said.

Dear Mum,

       I love you, but I don't want you to worry about me. I'm in heaven now and I can watch the angels fly all day. Jesus is very kind; he is looking after me until you come. He took me to see god to ask if I could write a letter to you. I knew he would say no. But he gave me some paper and his own pen. Gran and grandpa are here to. I have to give God his pen back now. Oh, and you are the only one that can see this letter, it's just a blank piece of paper to anyone else. How cool is that.

I love you mum, but don’t cry over my.

                                     Love Jimmy.

                                 XXX

 

Sally let a tear fall down her cheek. She folded the letter and dropped it her pocket. She picked the lock of hair and took one last look around her son's room before closing the door and locking it behind her. Sally’s head was spinning as she was walking down the stairs. She fell and hit her head. The paramedics came but it was too late. Sally's body lay silently by the stairs holding Jimmy’s lock of hair to her heart.

 

Author's Note

what do you think.

Reviews

[Archia]

Ohhhh, that's so sad. It was sad when Jimmy died but it just kept going. I love how the sadness built up till it reached it's peak at the end. But then, it was almost like peaceful in the last line because her stance seems to suggest peacefulness.
There are few typos so I sugggest you read over it.
This was a wonderful story and the name really does live up to it.

[Mad Hatter]

the story concept is very touching indeed :) i like it! the only thing i would suggest is what everyone else commented on: grammer and spelling. Other then that, good job!

[AK]

That was really sad, but really nice. I really liked it. And as Tegon Maus and Abigail suggested you may want to run a spelling and grammar check. Otherwise the story was beautiful!

[Abbie]

well, i think that you have made a few spelling and grammar mistakes that can be easily fixed. It also seems that you didn't know which point of view you were writing in. It was as if you couldn't decide between first and third person, which made it hard to read. I liked the twist at the end, and liked the overall story, so good job.

~Abagail~

[Jordan's Back]

Another Riveting Write.

[Tegon Maus]

Hi Sarah... first you need to run spell check. Try writing your story in WORD and then place it on Writer’s Café. Second, and more importantly write from one point of view. The way you wrote She said, "How is my little boy? and then
“The surgeon said, "I'm so sorry, this is telling and difficult to read. Show me the emotion don’t tell me what they said. It’s as if you simply telling a friend what you saw on Tv last night. I like the twist at the end... just a little more work.