Ecstasy

I look into your eyes,

And see the shock of ecstasy.

I feel you shudder,

As the passion fills your soul.

I seek only to bring you pleasure,

No demand in return.

You offer up so many,

Pathways to explore.

I could lose myself in your ecstasy,

And live forever in your passion.

Love you so completely,

And wrap you in my arms.

There is not time enough,

To give you all my joy.

So take what pleasure I can give,

While time allows us love,

And reach the climax of our lust,

Burst full in ecstasy.

Author's Note

Thanks for all the guidance on rating. I have changed this to be teen rated.

Guidance please. I have rated this mature. Is that the appropriate rating?

Reviews

[Ees]

I see no reason for this to be rated "mature" as there is nothing explicit or even close to it in what you have written. (Pretty sure mature means "quivering member" ect.)

The poem, I really enjoyed it. I believe in it. I love the third line. I feel like that helps to make this one.
I like the sentiments. They are good ones.

There is something about the end that felt a little flat to me, in comparison to the rest of the piece. I like the thoughts that you have written, I think it needs a little more intensity, like there was in the beginning of the poem... You may want to look at the last three lines and think about reworking them or adding a line, that shows us something solid, like that shudder you used in the beginning as to why you want to give her pleasure, or perhaps a line about the rush of time... grasping at time together... I don't know, it's your poem, but if you feel like making any part of it stronger I suggest the end. I
Great work though!

[PoemsbyPatrick]

Added a bit of a "pick up" at the end. See what you think.

[Ees]

Nice, that certainly adds a lot!

[PoemsbyPatrick]

Thanks for the suggestion. I like this ending better.

[Ees]

Awesome! Glad you like it. That is what matters!

[Coyote Poetry]

A very good poem. Erotic in the polite sense. A good writer can write of passion with a tender touch and allow the imagination of the reader to do some work. You did. Thank you for the outstanding poetry.
Coyote

[Anu Biswas]

So sensual, so edgy without being crass. I wish it were just a bit longer.

[Mia]

"There is not time enough,
To give you all my joy."
This is so lovely! I enjoyed reading it!

[forevermore1218]

This is easily my favorite poem by you. I love your work in this one, mainly for your choice of words and they way it seems never ending within the poem. I suggest to use the word "to" in between the words "us" and "love" in your last sentence. I think it might make the sentence a bit more clear to the reader. In all this was very good.

Great job!

[Trini]

You've described such intense emotion, it is beautiful.

[PoemsbyPatrick]

Intense is getting to be my middle name.

[quinfinn]

i don't really see the need for a mature rating here. it is sensual without being offensive and carries a gentle message of unbridled and genuine love throughout. most of us would do anything to have this type of passion and sincerity directed toward us, to know it was real....and you leave no doubts as to the voracity and stark reality of the professed feeling within . excellent!

[PoemsbyPatrick]

Changed the rating to teen. thanks for your input on that.

The emotion is sincere and intense. I just put it down in words. Thanks for you review.

[AleyshaRosa]

Oh, I wouldn't rate it mature, you're not being explicit.
It's a lovely poem, that I believe those under 18 should not be concerned =p
It's soft, soothing... solemn with the lightness of love. I can't even say 'Koodoos" because it doesn't feel like enough.

[PoemsbyPatrick]

Friend AleyshaRosa, to leave you speechless is certainly a compliment.

[AleyshaRosa]

Indeed it is. Believe no different and accept wholeheartedly.

[J. F. Charleston]

Well you dont describe anything that would make it mature material. I would say teen rated. But I like how this describes what feeling this person has. This tells alot about the unknown character speeking... what they hold sacred, how giving they are... If that makes any sense? Well written.

[PoemsbyPatrick]

thank you for the feedback and the review. I have changed it to teen rated.

There is a sacredness and even spirituality to the feeling I intended.

[That_Girl]

"Shock of ecstasy" I like that a lot. :)

[PoemsbyPatrick]

Given that this is based on "the real thing" that is the only way I could describe what I see. I like it a lot, too. :)

[That_Girl]

I gotcha. I have a hard time explaining crap like that too sometimes. :)