JASMINE FLOWERS

All her life she lived her life for others until she decided to live for herself............

* PLEASE CLICK ON THE COVER TO READ IT *

Author's Note

This was is for the BE CREATIVE CONTEST. If there are any suggestions please let me know. I would like to improve upon this draft.



30 April, 2010 : I have made some changes in the story. Hope it is better than the earlier version.

Reviews

[ChristopherPoet]

A moving piece addressing many issues. I intend these remarks constructively; there's a proof reading error in the 5th paragraph where you write "Dead,[his] beloved husband" which can be easily missed because you were writing about him. Try to cut down on your use of starting sentances with She where you can, as this breaks up the flow which is unfortunate because there's alot of colourful descprition here. An example would be changing "She looked into the mirror at her reflection" at the start of paragraph 8 to something like, 'Looking in the mirror, she noticed her reflection' which could lead to more description. Perhaps you could describe the lady in the church in more detail and the jasmine flowers, their aroma. Just add a bit more description, in my opinion. You also make some poignant descriptions such as in the 7th paragraph you write "Without him, she was just a body without a soul." This is very emotive and your phrase "Her sister-in-law looked down with downcast eyes" shows her remorse. I'm being a bit picky, so please forgive me, I'd alter this slightly to 'Her sister-in-law looked with downcast eyes', there's no need to write "looked down". I hope this helps a little and adds to the flavour of this piece.

[hello1]

amazing. tooooo gooooood. I liked the fact that you didnt mention names

[Rochser]

That was such a beautiful and sad story. I totally loved it. Best of luck for the contest!