untitled

untitled

A Story by Lina
"

When it comes to trying to patch things up.. let's just say, she's not the best. Not to say that it's her fault. It's a monologue type thing. so.. there you go

"

It feels silly doing it, like this... but I just can’t find seem another way.. I mean I can’t seem to find another way...

I... want you to know, that... I Feel. Like, Our relationship has been killed.

I’m sorry

Because I can’t be that kind of person that forgives... forgets... funny thing is, I think I’ve forgotten, just not forgiven. I didn’t mean for it to go this far.


 I would have this conversation with you face to face, but it’s a little too hard, so i thought this way... it was close enough? 


I don’t know where to start. 

Where can I start? I mean...

The day we came back and locked ourselves in our room, because you were going absolutely crazy, or or, every other day before that when we were afraid every single day, and every single moment...

 

I don’t actually want to go back there.. so, i’m not going to... 




I guess, I just want to say.

 That I’m sorry.


I’m sorry that I don’t try, and I know that you do, and I know that you care, 

I’m sorry that I don’t show that I do ,because I don’t know if I do.

You’ve done so many things that have hurt me...



I feel like an idiot, just talking to myself...




I feel so sorry for you,

 I want to try harder. but I don’t know if I can.



Every time I’m around you, I just hyperventilate, I can’t stand being in a room with you for more than two minutes...

 and that is not normal... 

you’re my dad... 

and I love you,

I’m sure I do...



Sometimes I just want you to come and hold me and tell me everything’s going to be ok... 


Sometimes I don’t want you to touch me.

I mean, we don’t see exactly eye to eye, and I don’t think we ever will... 



I can’t do this, i’m sorry.


© 2011 Lina



Author's Note

Lina
What do you think of the emotion, is it conveyed in a realistic way. or is it unnatural, and unauthentic?

My Review

Would you like to review this Story?
Login | Register




Featured Review

I felt that it was very realistic and certainly convinced me that this was a one way conversation between a daughter towards their father. I don't think it was unnatural or unauthentic in any way.
The emotions flow and ebb as the daughter ponders what she's writing to her father, she goes through the typical questioning, reasoning and realizations. Over all it's very well written and entirely convincing.

Wolfie

Posted 6 Years Ago


1 of 1 people found this review constructive.




Reviews

I could definitely feel the difficulty the narrator is having, could feel her hesitancy, awkwardness, maybe even fear.

But, for me, there were too many repeated words, not enough clarity, not enough substance or depth. I want you to give the reader some more here. More insight into what is truly going on. It doesn't have to be overt and direct, but a little more than "I'm sorry, and I can't." A bit more of your unique voice and vision.

You start a bit with the day they locked themselves in the room and he went crazy (at that time, I thought he was a lover). And, going crazy, why? Did he abuse the narrator or is it outside violence ("we were afraid every single day")?

I hope you take this as constructive criticism and know that it's just my opinion and every writer must tap into what they feel is their truth and their own voice. If criticism seems to hit the mark, take it; if it feels completely off the mark, disregard it.

Many thanks for sharing,

Kat Ward

Posted 6 Years Ago


hi its good ,your word usage a little confussing though . could do with more decriptive emotion perhaps :)

Posted 6 Years Ago


I felt that it was very realistic and certainly convinced me that this was a one way conversation between a daughter towards their father. I don't think it was unnatural or unauthentic in any way.
The emotions flow and ebb as the daughter ponders what she's writing to her father, she goes through the typical questioning, reasoning and realizations. Over all it's very well written and entirely convincing.

Wolfie

Posted 6 Years Ago


1 of 1 people found this review constructive.


Request Read Request
Add to Library My Library
Subscribe Subscribe


Stats

215 Views
3 Reviews
Rating
Added on August 17, 2011
Last Updated on December 31, 2011
Tags: monologue, daughter, father, relationship, love, hate, sad, confused, angry, forgive, forget

Author

Lina
Lina

Amman, -, Jordan



Writing
An ode to loss An ode to loss

A Poem by Lina


Tolerance Tolerance

A Story by Lina