chaotic restraint

poems from my notes app

I like order

everything meticulous and lined up in a row

like soldiers

chaos is a sign of failure

there is nothing more important 

than “just so” he said to me, 

anything less than perfect is failure 

keep your standards high 

the issue is that 

as much as i want it to be

to be human is to be chaos 

unrestrained and disorderly 

for years I have 

shunned what that might mean 

ascribing every chaotic moment 

to my own permanent failure 

bandaging it with promises of
“next time I’ll do better”

“tomorrow is a fresh start” 

but tomorrow I’ll only salt the wound 

I like order

everything meticulous and lined up in a row 

but even the most restrained of battalions 

are messy and brutal 

Author's Note

july 2017- not 100% on this one either. I'm not sure why I keep coming back to the war metaphors.