The Enemy; A Hindering Friend

Through the eyes of someone suffering from depression

I stopped checking for you monsters
under my bed,
Was a near fatal mistake,
Letting you into my head,

You help me decide,

On my adverse trajectory,
You make it seem logical,
For everyone you’re a mystery,

Don’t want to go outside,
Forgot the colours of day,
Made it attractive
to see only blue and grey,

You’d always support me,
When I’d reach for that blade,
Running water turned scarlet,
Said its easier than seeking aid,

Bleach was futile,
Never deterred my mum,
Dilute with tears,
As my Dad turned to rum,

Hospitals became mundane,
I lied about my issue,
Saw you on my discharge,
Honestly I missed you,

I was trapped on this spiral,
Whilst holding your hand,
Resist and you pulled me deeper,
into mental quick sand,

Attempts got more drastic,
From razors off sharpeners,
Rope to a rafter,
Which needed better carpenters,

Wake in a white bed,
But this time was different,
They saw through my lies,
Unusual antidepressant,

I only noticed my bonds,
When you began to fade,
Screaming to keep my friend,
Crying where I laid,

Was easier from then on,
Began listening to nurses,
I still feel your shadow,
Have to call you my curses,

Many months elapsed,
Now I know it’s you,
The lies in my head,
Controlling the hue,

Seen my mother cry,
Forced to go on for her son,
They say not to blame myself, but you,
for what was done.