In the form of a Pill..

drugged and raped...True story..

I close my eyes

the misty night air

tightens in my throat

I gasp

re-living you like a desperate lyric

reverberating over and over again

that night

a malignancy stained

into the fundamental existence

of trusting ignorance

a chartreuse soul

reading scarlet letters

and blaming myself

for your friendly portrayal

and lustful betrayal

in the form of a pill

slipped into the fragrance of saffron

when the roses were in bloom

and only you knew the intensity

of a broken heart lost and alone

in the crumbled foundation

of a troubled remnant

where the fabric of a young bride

had been ripped and torn to shreds

in the wake of a marriage

and the wake up call of a mistress

I was broken and helpless

and YOU

disguised as a friend

moved in for the kill

in the form of a pill

dazed and confused

intoxicated by a sip

of tasted betrayal

that left me lethargic

in the arms of a monster

when even then

you were not man enough

to go it alone

and the two of you

still echo in sounds

of muffled laughter

and unclear words

that follow me

forever trapped

in the dark corners

of a cerebral mask

where shame and self blame

lived for years

in the memory of four missing hours

that come like flashes of blinding light

and hidden memories

forever reappearing

disguised as a friend

that stole my will

in the form of a pill...

© 2010 bj smith

aka shallimarRose

see also : Raped by a friend..A Night of betrayal, a lifetime..

Author's Note

Bleeding ink.

Reviews

[Jack...]

A monster is a monster even if they wear the mask of a friend. So sorry this is a piece of your history my sweet friend. These nightmares seem to cling to us forever, but somehow, perhaps through writing about it, I would hope you find a way to hide it in the dark shadows somewhere. The good thing is your wonderful poem can be a warning to other's who might now think twice before putting their trust where it maybe does not belong.

[shallimarRose]

Thank you Jack.. a few have already private messaged me and thanked me for the story and giving them strength. I have one working on writing her own story now also. I almost feel as if it was not only my pain that got me to write all out but maybe higher purpose. Maybe this will turn out to be a blessing in disguise in some way as strange as that sounds. Thank you Jack for the love and support and taking the time to read. xo Rose

[ron]

It is horrible that there are people out there that would think about doing this let alone actually do it.
I'm so sorry that this happened to you Rose it was horrible and monstrous.

[shallimarRose]

Thank you Ron.. Venting here is helping me a lot to cope right now so I appreciate all the love and support I am feeling. xo

[ron]

Your welcome Rose. Like I said you have my ear anytime you need it.

[Antoñyo]

Bleeding ink indeed...You took a disgrace and without candy-coating, managed to burn its acceptance in the minds of whom it may concern (on either end), and acceptance is that right road to healing. Since I mainly came to share my work behind healing, this is a gem in the eyes of which I see best.
...a rose that never stops blooming can never die!

Thank you for this, even for the [reached] ones that will come and read and cannot bring themselves to review.

[shallimarRose]

Thank you Antonyo. I hope you caught the complete story linked at the bottom. I am beginning to feel freed in a way. I did not expect the support and acceptance I have gotten here from posting these two pieces.. xo Rose

[Antoñyo]

I have seen it posted but saving for a later read. I tend to need to take tragedy towards awesome people I know in moderation. ;-)
Thanks again

[shallimarRose]

its a long read too but tells the whole sorted story. thanks again for your show of support Anton.. xo

[carol burgess romance]

I am so sorry you had to experience such a thing.....as a mother and a grandmother such things anger me....you write with such feeling and produce a great peice of work....hope you are healing mentaly, and the rest of your life is not centered around this tragic event.

[shallimarRose]

Well Carol this happened forty years ago so it is a life long process I guess. Still trying to come to terms, find answers to unanswered questions, and trying to believe I was blameless.. Thank you for reading. shallimarRose

[Onyia-Ali, Kingsley Chu..]

This is wonderful. I must confess, your words created lots of mental pictures and figurative devices. This one if good. Well written.

[shallimarRose]

Thank you again Kingsley for reading. shallimarRose

[Onyia-Ali, Kingsley Chukwuebuka Benson]

You are welcome.

[Azure Montessa (Blue)]

Ohhh. You penned a tragic story exceptionally well. The division of lines are great, creating tension and suspense. Emotions are heartfelt and readers are left in a sea of grief. I can somehow relate to this piece because I have my own tragic stories. Your elaborate description of details and emotions relived my own past.

For me, I'd rather be dead than be raped.

Cleverly written. :x

[shallimarRose]

Thank you Blue for your very generous review and for stopping to read in the first place.
I am sorry for your experience as well. xo Rose

[Glen Yumang Manese]

These lines have impact to the reader in the the way you tell us the story in this verse...thanks for the invite and good to read this work...

[shallimarRose]

Thank you for reading Glen.. I appreciate.. Rose

[Glen Yumang Manese]

you're welcome...I'm back with work and going in and out...getting all these RR's read today...lots of copy writings to be done also...good day...

[Keith]

Chills run down my spine as I write this.
Firstly because your words help us to understand what happens and how this gutless crime is perpetrated. It could only be conducted by the lowest of the low life, in this case 2 of them from the same evil seed.
Secondly, your outstanding courage in deciding to pen this as well as your rape story and share them with the world.
Thirdly, you have managed to summon all of your exceptional writing skills here and put them to use to help actually feel your torment, here we momentarily get a small taste of what yourself and others victims of these crimes must endure for a lifetime.

We salute you ShallimarRose.

[shallimarRose]

Thank you Keith, the pen is a mighty weapon sometimes and I am glad this seemed to touch so many. I appreciate your stopping to read and your show of understanding and support in this very cind review.. xo Rose

[Wildflower]

Very deep. Very real. I hate to know these feelings are so common.
betrayal, heartbreak, uncertainty. This a very painful, very beautifully written work.

[shallimarRose]

Thank you wildflower for taking the time to read and reflect here.. Rose

[Ryan]

As far as language and description goes, this poem is excellent! I've got a clear image of what is going on, and it is quite unsettling. You do a great job of showing what happened instead of just saying "Here's what happened". A lot of people in this community have that problem, and I'm glad you give the reader a little creative license to fill in a few of the details.

Something that would make this even stronger is using some punctuation. It might have been your goal to make this one streaming thought. From the reader's point of view, a break like a comma or period lets the last thought sink in and lets me prepare for the next one. Using punctuation could also help highlight certain words or phrases that you think the reader ought to focus in on.

Overall, I think this is a great poem. I wish you didn't have to go through this, but I am glad that you have turned the experience into a piece of art. Thank you for sharing.

[shallimarRose]

Thank you Ryan.. I rarely use punctuation as a poet and I know this is a flaw in my skills.. I use my poetic license to break a lot of rules.. lol
I did write out the story as well and its linked at the bottom.
Thank you for reading and your very nice review. shallimarRose

[SquinklaPsyOps]

It sure is interesting how a person had to use ruffies to take advantage of an intelligent person..

As per the poem style is outstanding that most persons would enjoy reading.

Most of the time we get to read stories like that in newspapers and we rarely get to read the other side of the story, it also sounds like the predator had a plan to tell his wife so it wouldn't affect his marriage. The part I dont like is them both getting away with what they had to use and them making fun of a more intelligent person than them.

[shallimarRose]

Thanks for reading and your thoughts.. xo