The Clash of The S.S.

they never knew the Super Soldier Program CRI001 would escape...

The rubble painted a pure picture of sorrow and worry in the creators' eyes. he looked down at the detached umbilical cable of his escaped prototype, CRI001, the second S.S. weapon ever created in the united states, it had gone berserker on day 15, year 21. busted out of its tank, then ran away with a sword in hand, 

"we have found his hiding spot...but," BLU000, the first Super soldier ever created had walked up to his creator. his sleek shiny blue hair flowed in the wind, he looked down at the creator with whom he had always seen as his father.

"Don't send in the national guard, they would just be easy pickings for him...and it would give him the taste of blood..." said the Creator as he turned to his first creation.

"you are all we have that could possibly stop him... Blue, do it...i'm putting an end to this research for good, after you kill him, run away, never come back."the creator said regretfully.

With a nod BLU000 quickly ran off toward the smoke and fire in the distance. The creator stood there looking at his destroyed laboratory, he began to recall the analysis of the first S.S. soldier, 

("Gravity is not an issue with him, the large sword is practically weightless to him, superman could leap tall buildings in a single bound, but my creation could wipe a building away with the slash of his blade...the true Super Soldier...") 

the Creator then took his hand gun out of his coat... the cold mirrored metal relaxed him, he checked the barrel slowly, shaking...one bullet was inserted. he placed the barrel in his mouth, the metal stung his tung like a battery. he then pulled the trigger.

meanwhile...

CRI001 stood on top of the large skyscraper, he looked down at the crowed of humans who walked back and fourth, like ants they were,   his Blood red Spiky hair stood straight and proud, he wore only a torn up lab coat  and beneath that was a near skin tight layer of black garments, they wore them at birth and it grew with them, he saw this as cruel, he had no choice in his creation... he would make them pay...

"CRI001!!! What are you doing?? You must stop this!" Shouted BLU000.

CRI001 did not have the ability to speak yet, he walked over to BLU000 who had ran up the side of the building, CRI001 had burning yellow eyes, and he glared into he soul of BLU000.

as CRI001 went to strike, BLU000 captured his fist in mid flight. he then began squeezing it, the bones in CRI001's fist could be heard breaking, he pulled back quickly, then drew his blade, as he did BLU000 did the same.

it was a standoff, the wind blew through them as their blades gleamed in the partial sunlight. CRI001 ran at BLU000 wordless and emotionless, he slashed his blade, as BLU000 jumped into the air, landing on the tip of CRI001s' blade, BLU000 smirked as he slashed his blade across CRI001s' face causing a large cut to form right below his eyes, and over his nose.

CRI001 gritted his teeth with rage. BLU000 flipped back off of the blade, he then said.

"CRI001, you will loose, we must stop, the creator is waiting for us." but as he said it, CRI001 ran at him holding his blade at a piercing stance, BLU000 again, jumped to avoid, but this time he jumped over CRI001 and landed into a roll on the ground, as BLU000 was knelt on the roof floor CRI001s' first words were,

"The creator did not ask us if we wanted this...you are my brother, let us take this world." his voice was a Peirce unemotional tone.

BLU000 then stood up and waved his blade across the air shouting,

"I'D RATHER DIE THEN LET YOU RULE THIS WORLD!!!" he then ran at CRI001 in a berserk rampage of Sword swings witch carved up the concrete on the floor were they stood, the sparks Illuminated CRI001s' face as he said,

"Permission granted" he then met BLU000s' blade in mid barrage, a large blue spark jolted off of there blades as they met. 

it was the beginning of a terrible battle...but who would win?

Author's Note

ok, so while i was writing FOXTROT REDUX, i came across a little pickle.....well, no a huge gherkin in the middle of my story...am i doing fight scenes right???? so here is a quickly put-together short story SS(Super Soldier) if y'all like it i will make more SS shorts lol

Reviews

[Rose Tyler]

Just enough to start an interesting story

[Dakota]

Combative scenes are among the hardest to nail properly because SO many things are going on at once. Maybe a few changes in your breaks would clean it up a bit better.

"I'D RATHER DIE THEN LET YOU RULE THIS WORLD!!!" he then ran at CRI001 in a berserk rampage of Sword swings witch carved up the concrete on the floor were they stood.

The sparks Illuminated CRI001s' face as he said, "Permission granted" he then met BLU000s' blade in mid barrage, a large blue spark jolted off of there blades as they met.

Something along those lines so the dialogue is easier to follow because a fight scene is chaotic by nature. An interesting start though, I'd like to see where you take this.

[Senseless whatever]

pretty cool write. Just enough info to get the story going.

[JENY]

Nice story….
Laced with a lot of inner meanings….
The entire patterns seems without a structure...
but loved the theme...…

[Arya_the_elven_lady]

Um...I`m confused. I lost interest...But to be fair, I have a short attention span.

[NinjaPi]

It is like t.Frankinstine`s Monster had a nice older brother. Interesting fight scene but to me it did not feel like that was the focus. you might try adding detail and lenght to it. to answer you question, no one wins. he he

[WriterSki7]

Combat is chaos. That's the first thing you need to know. To write them good, you need to pick a combatant or observer and stick with them throughout the fight. Trying to play both sides will devestate it. Second thing is that if it seems a little heard to keep track of, that's fine. Like I said, Combat is chaos. It's a swirling melee in which you never see anything clearly until after the fact, you mind focused into a tunnel-like vision between you and your foe.


Next; focus on description. Draw your reader into the scene of the fight, tell us the emotion and the expressions going through the combatant. What is he worried about; what is he focused on? What does the pain feel like when he is hit? If you start reading, and can't tear your eyes off until the end of the fight; then you know you've done something right!

That's all I'm going to get into for this review. Enjoy writing!
Sincerely,
Writer

[WriterMe]

Very interesting beginning. Fight scenes are hard to describe, but I would be lying if I said I could give you advice. The story does have a level of excitement to it, so I'm sorry but the only help I can give you would be telling you what i thought of them. =]