Fight The Dark.

The blood spilled on the tiled floor,
There was pain she was still left to endure.

The screams were loud and clear,
Building up the fear.

She whimpered but didn't cure,
Wanting to leave the wounds still pure.

She resorted to self harm to forget about her demons,
Little did she know, it wasn't meant to be a win win.

02.10.2015

Author's Note

Criticize if required. :)

Reviews

[KWP]

hmmm interesting - where did this line of thought spring from?

being one who chooses to bathe in the light I find it hard to review your words here ... I guess we all see light and dark in different ways ... and also we all choose different ways of embracing the purest gift of existence XX

[Simran Kewlani]

We all choose our own escape from reality. Some of us, go with this. It's sad, but we can't take away their power of making their own decisions.
How is it, though? The poem?
Your reviews are important, since you never sugarcoat it. :)

[KWP]

something I have learnt recently is Show don't Tell - I think you are like me - you tell - take for example 'There was pain she was still left to endure' this is telling - how can you 'show it' to the readers? hmmm let me think ... ....

watching a pool of increasing blood her heart ached, throbbed,
the pain, it was still there,
lingering like a darkness,
overshadowing the slits
there was no escape

?

I think what I was told was true (although I need practice) you engage the readers, and even get them to commit when you 'show' ie: paint that picture for them

Love to ya chick - lemme know your thoughts - ps the above example was very quick X

[Coyote Poetry]

A interesting short story. Made me wish to read more. You create place, blood and strong ending. Thank you for sharing the excellent poetry.
Coyote

[Einstein Noodle]

there is great tragedy and loss in suicide ..those that breach such acts think it is the one and only solution to problems ... life is not better without them .. :( i think your writing is evolving) ... i don't think i have read you using couplets like in this one ...
E.
ps. love the title! we all need to fight the darkness!

[Simran Kewlani]

This is the first time I was writing in couplets like this. I'm so glad you noticed.
This has definitely made me happy. Saying I have improved, coming from a writer like you; it's an honour. Thanks a lot, Einstein. :)

[Einstein Noodle]

i think WC is a forum we all need to protect and enjoy :))) love ya Simran!

[Bright Ocean Star]

wow. Just wow. This one is dark, vivid, and powerful. I hate to think of anyone in that much mental anguish or pain that they'd feel the need to cut themselves to escape their torment. I can't imagine it. I've been in utter desperate torment, and I ran to my prayers and my church to seek solace in prayer and sacrifice. Catholics believe that we can offer up our pain for others' healing. It lifts our own pain and gives it a higher purpose. However, I understand that others don't share these beliefs. A well written and descriptive bit of imagery Simran. Thank you.

[Saddam]

She resorted to self harm to forget about her demons,

That's great one dear friend.
...And that's the true spirit.
Great penning dear.

[Simran Kewlani]

Thanks, Saddam. :)