x.X.x~CARELESS~x.X.x

Distant splash

A pool of tears

Drown in woe

As death nears

 

 

 

Bloodied faces

And red lined wrists

Knock out round

With morphine fists

 

 

 

Hardened eyes

And buried pains

Words that fall

Like acid rains

 

 

 

Choke on hope

With lips of blue

Tighten ropes

To change the hue

 

 

 

Funeral for me

You won’t attend

You won’t care

This is my end

 

Reviews

[Jade Mayhew]

I really liked this poem. You did a wonderful job.

I especially liked this verse:

Bloodied faces
And red lined wrists
Knock out round
With morphine fists

I could really get the visual of the despair this person was feeling. This is an incredibly written poem. Great job! Thanks for sharing! :]

[Michael]

You have penned and nice cautionary tale, to say the least. It shows the depth of despair a soul can sink to without dripping all over it. The short, cropping of the lines read like individual thoughts trying to get out before no more thought is had.

Well done.

[Natalie C]

Omg yes, this was so painfully brilliant. Loved how you wrote this whole piece almost distant from yourself until your readers reach the last stanza and realize that this actually is the death of the character and not just some random thoughts.

Loved your imagery, they just seemed to painfully correct. Forcing your readers to feel that choke hold, being grabbed by the neck as death laughs at his own handy work.

Very vivid and the desperation clearly visible to all whom reads this.
Great job, I really enjoyed this

[Marie]

I was written quite well.

[Tessa Le Rouge]

lots of emotion as always! wonderful write, sad, i laughed, i cried, you know how it goes. lol great job, love. keep it up. ive got my eye on you for sure now.

[Lorelei Middlesex]

I really liked your description of the numerous ways how one can kill her/himself. Very creative and descriptive. I felt the rhythm was a little awkward though--missing syllables, etc. When I read it out loud, I liked the cadence of the whole piece. The three middle verses are my favorite.

[Amy Bromes]

Very emotional peice you have here!
You did great, the flow of it is awsome!

Amy B.

[Captain Blackheart (The..]

Oh....this is such a sad piece, especially the last stanza......Heartbreaking!

[Amor-de-angel]

This is so sad but well written.Hope you don't feel this way again.

[Elise O'Haire]

Wow, this is really pretty sad. I like the flow and the emotion in it. Kind of depressing. Let's stop and cry. OK, I'm better now.

Elise O'Haire