Life in a Glass House

It isn't as luxurious as you would like to believe

  I live in a glass house. From forty feet away it appears as a doll house: organized, beautiful, and simply elegant in the shining moonlight. Take a couple steps forward and you might notice that the glass is hazy. My glass house is not perfectly transparent as it should be, this way you can't exactly see the mess inside. I've got to be honest, I'm kind of a slob when it comes to life. I don't always completely clean up after myself. Now take another few steps toward my seemingly perfect abode. Now you might see the moonlight sparkling off some of the shattered glass at the foundation. I will admit, I've broken things... and I haven't really taken up the responsibility to clean it up. I tried hiding it in the shadow of the house but unfortunately in the dark there are no shadows. As you keep walking toward my dwelling you will finally see the mess inside. It's completely visible, this close to the house even the haziness of the glass won't hide the wreckage inside. Inside, the places no one sees, except you of course, I never clean up. Ever. It's not a good thing, and I know that but as you keep walking forward, you will see me, lying on the ground in my hazy, glass house. I'm not under a blanket, and I'm probably avoiding the moonlight. The mess of the house is all around me and I've obviously given up, as you can see. My house will never get cleaned up, and it's out of the reach of others, so even if I had friends they couldn't clean it up. So for awhile I will stay here, on the ground, uncomfortably cold and in the dark. And the doors are locked so you can't enter and although the glass of the house is shattered you will cut yourself trying to come through the broken parts. You will never get in and I will never get out. And it's obvious to all that my home is broken and a mess, that's the con of a glass house. And even though my house is fragile it stays standing. And maybe, just maybe, one day I might get out of the dark, wrap myself in a blanket, unlock the doors and start fixing things up. But for now my glass house and I will stay as we are. A mess. 

Author's Note

An allegory in which a glass house represents life.

Reviews

[Coyote Poetry]

A messy glass house. I don't know. I don't like a open life. I liked the story and thoughts. Left the reader with something to think about. Each of us have some messes in mind or heart. I believe we learn to live with them. Thank you for sharing the excellent story.
Coyote

[Riley Justine]

My pleasure, glad you liked it!

[Coyote Poetry]

I did and thank you.

[Lizzie Mitchell]

"Now you might see the moonlight sparkling off some of the shattered glass at the foundation of my house."
I love this imagery.
I might've just said "at its foundation" instead of saying house again
or what if the foundation is MADE of shattered glass?!
that would be a cool twist
if that's not how you feel, don't change it though haha just my idea

"As you keep walking toward the house you will finally see the mess in the house."
I would consider changing this. It sounded a little redundant. maybe just "the mess inside"?
I think you said "house" 17 times
If you did it for emphasis I don't think you need it
All the other beautifully detailed imagery you add emphasizes it enough

i love the end.
almost as if the narrator has accepted their situation for what it is
making no excuses
not wallowing in self-pity
just being

the idea is genius
the transitions between your descriptions sound a little rough to me
but maybe the way you say it they sound good

just some constructive thoughts to consider if you want
but overall i like this piece
its the first one of yours i've read and it makes me excited to read more
add me :)

[Riley Justine]

THANK YOU SO MUCH!!! I've been waiting for someone to mention some ways that I could get rid of the word 'house'! I'm really glad you liked it though. Thanks a bunch for reviewing it means a lot

[Lizzie Mitchell]

You're welcome! I'm working on picking apart your poem "The Quiet Ones"
The more I read your poems the more I love them. I'm more than happy to give you my ideas and criticisms because you have so much passion and potential in your writing. I'm always looking for inspiration for my writing so take a look at mine and give me any of your ideas!

[Dannyisawriter]

It was a REALLY GOOD allegory of someone's life. I knew it was about a someone's life before I even read your note!

[Riley Justine]

Thanks :) I thought I would try something other than story-writing or poems :)

[Dannyisawriter]

Well it was definitely something different :D

[Riley Justine]

I thought it was pretty good;)

[Dannyisawriter]

It was, I'm not gunna lie. I've people use the metaphor of describing their lives as "broken glass" and things like that but this took that metaphor to a totally new level ;)

[Riley Justine]

Sweet :) that's what I was going for :)