Confidence Dwindling

Feeling of my life.. Battling drug addiction.. I've joined this site for opinions, i do not care what, i just want feed back... opinions!!! Say its s**t if you think so, just say something!!

Confidence Dwindling

I am just a sick man; they’ve all washed their hands.

I leave metaphors all in my wake.

I’m a freak, i am weak, I’m a fool, my whole future’s looking bleak.

You’re so cool, look at you, beautiful.

You turn heads when you walk through.

I’m a waste, a waste of space, a bitter taste,

No such luck, No saving grace

Just shut your f*****g mouth and know your place!!!

 

I can hear the walls, they are stalking.

Whispers in my ear, i follow fear.

For me, Saturn rise, this world is ending.

I comprise a lie now i feel fine.

Cheap perfume and hotel rooms, i can see our marriage ending

I cut myself to feel a thirst for hate

Teach me how to breathe; I’m no machine to waste away

Teach me all these games you love to play...

 

I am Phobos, i am Deimos, 

With dirt between my nails and staring down a gun,

Halfway from paradise towards the King and failed sun

I live amongst the stars, yet forged beneath the floor; 

forever running circles around the God of War.

Chasing milk of poppy, suppression begins to mount.

I hope she will appear, soon to surely see us.

I am just Mars, waiting for Venus!!

 

Author's Note

Obviously with poetry, the reader can take away whatever he or she feels from the writting.. But i just wanted to express my thinking process of the last paragraph, as i realise not everybody will know what i'm talking about......
Phobos and Deimos are the Roman Gods of fear and dread, they are also the moons of Mars. Mars is the roman god of war. So, to me the orbits of the moons Phobos (fear) and Deimos (dread) represent the perpetual viscous circle of drug addiction, Mars (god of way) symbolising Addiction and the drug itself with Fear and Dread perpetually circling in orbit.. The drug addicts life constantly revolves around drugs like the moons revolve around the planet .. Thats my expression of it anyway, but take whatever you will, and whatever you might feel from it... Oh and Venus (the goddess of love) symbolising hope.

Reviews

[Osé Dazo]

Wow! It's amazing how you can write something like this, even with your state. You're a real artist, really! God has given you such great talent. Please don't waste it. :( And please don't say you have no saving grace. That's a lie! God has a great plan for you. Call on to God, my friend. Call on the name of Jesus, and you will be saved! For His word says, "Anyone who calls on the name of the Lord will be saved." I personally experienced it in a supernatural way when I've been battling with a hidden addiction for 14 long years before. Yes, there is still hope for all of us... and it can only be found in Jesus! ^^, Praying for you.

[Annette Pisano-Higley]

This is an excellent and deeply moving poem. The metaphor use and dark imagery is so on-point for the theme of the struggle of drug-addiction. Beautiful form, flow and rhyme- noir, tortured. You convey the desperation and pain so very well. The poem bleeds as you do. I feel for you and hope you can get help with your battle. I send you wishes of blessing, strength, self-love, healing, light and peace. Your Venus will find you when you are ready to love her more than the addiction...Keep writing- you are incredibly talented!

[vigilantebastard]

What an amazing compliment, thank you so much for that, and thank you for your kind words of support.

[Annette Pisano-Higley]

You are very welcome and most talented! God bless..:)

[Minerva]

I love the mythology played into this poem. It is beautiful and I thinking when the reader has a better sense of the different gods refranced it really shines a deeper conection with the words. At least for me. Very good!

[vigilantebastard]

Thanku so much.. I was wondering if anyone would rmake the connection... thanks again very much appreciated

[Patrick Ramsey]

Have you ever tried putting this to a hip-hop beat? The way you rhyme I think would really lend your poetry to that type of a backdrop. Just a thought.

[bella]

This is really fucked up I think I love it

[vigilantebastard]

Thank u, it is fucked up, i agree. i was certainly in a dark complicated mood. Thanks again

[bella]

Most of the time the best things are just a little fucked up