Runaway.

When I was writing this poem, I was completely possessed by my rage.

Sitting secluded in the terrace, watching the sky turn from blue

to orange, I wonder where I went wrong, I really don’t have a clue.

I still try to realize why I am banished from the friend's ship.

I see my hands going against me trying desperately hard to whip.

 

The weight of pain begins to weigh me down. I am going out of control.

My soul is itching to come out of my body, no more torment my soul

can take. It is pounded by the nightmarish memories and the horrid voices

inside my head. I am trying to run away, I am running out of choices.

 

 I was like the sun, giving warmth to the planets uniting everyone in the sky.

 They never looked back towards the sun to show their gratitude.

 Glowing proudly in the sky, forgetting the source of their warmth is very nigh,

 They refused to include it as one among them, humiliated it with their attitude.

 

The planets began to fleet away towards a different galaxy .They've found

a better sun. The former couldn't bear the isolation and drowned

itself into the dusk. They never cared about their sun, but it always thinks

about them and loved them unconditionally. But they thought its love was a jinx.

 

The sun could see two paths laid before it, to explode and burn

all the betrayers or to accept the eternal isolation and spurn

the planets from it's life .The sun wished that there could be a magical third

path that bridges it with the stars and happily unite it with its herd.

 

The sun decided to let go of all the suffering and misery behind.

It realized loving the planets was the only mistake it ever did,

It never regretted what it did because it somehow knew, it can find

something new. All the pain and sufferings, under it’s heart, it hid.

Author's Note

This might not be one of my well polished poetry because I wrote this poem when I was a teen and was possessed by my rage. This poem is a reminder of how furious I used to get when I was a teen.

PS : I didn't edit this poem except for the rhyme scheme. I just felt that the raw nature was necessary in this poem. What do you think about this piece?

Reviews

[DIVYA]

The rhyming is very good in many places.
The hurt of the subject comes through clearly.
Gratitude is not a very common human virtue and only a choice few have it. So the Sun must continue to shine and spread it's warmth soaking the grateful and the ungrates alike :)
The poetry as you said was i bit raw, but it was powerful as it was and the message was potent!

[vspjaguar]

I wrote this when I was relatively an amateur. A few poems like these I wrote in the past shows how naive I was and much I have changed. The sun doesn't want to run away now :)

[DIVYA]

Well...the poem cannot really be called amateurish in that the parallels drawn were great.
Well...the poem cannot really be called amateurish in that the parallels drawn were great.
I do accept that there was naivete in the expectations. But then aren't we all doing that..? Its only too human.

[vspjaguar]

True that! you are just the kind of inspiration I was hoping to find :D

[DIVYA]

keep writing then... :)

[vspjaguar]

you bet!

[Not here]

i think its great :) as a teen, i can say that this speaks to me, whether you agree with how you felt or not

[vspjaguar]

yeah. Emotions are experienced intensely when you are a teen after that it all mellows down. I am glad you liked it, thanks.

[Zoe Marie Ross]

Well done, this is a very emotional poem. Written superbly. I like poets that lay themselves bare and use their feelings to create art.

[vspjaguar]

Thanks a lot!

[Zoe Marie Ross]

You're welcome. :)

[RachelReaper]

I agree with you that the raw nature was necessary, because if you were to tweak it too much it wouldn't be like the real thing anymore, which is why I'm glad you kept it a lot of the way I think it was before. "My soul is itching to come out of my body" I think I know how that feels. This was very descriptive!

[vspjaguar]

yeah! different words trigger different set of imagery, I just didn't want to change them.
Thanks a lot for your appreciation :)

[Dennis A. Clark]

I do like this poem; it is engaging.

For me, the main thing to rework would be the rhythm and cadence. I would try to work within a set bounds because then each line would flow smoothly, like a lyric.

If you have questions on my meaning, please send me a private message.

[vspjaguar]

Thanks a lot for your valuable input. I think I get what you mean, I will write another version of this poem with proper rhythm and cadence.

[Michael Kevin Spencer]

This is like a temple of the human condition Vijay, it's like all these scores of talented Indian poets just think and breathe in poetry!

[vspjaguar]

Thanks a lot for such an overwhelming compliment! if I may ask, who is this person Vijay you were talking to?

[imdvader]

I can relate this with my life.. you have let your feelings take over you while you were writing.. which is actually a good thing..

[vspjaguar]

I'm glad that you were involved :)