Noiselessly

Noiselessly

A Poem by Luna Evangeline

 He moves,

his bones dancing in the heart of spirit,

 moves like he simply knew not that he was just so graceful,

 a complete symphony powered by his passion of life

 and spiced by his unintentional wit which fires his tongue into turmoil. 

His every move is a note in the harmony of his being,

a distant melody that I chase in vain.

As the last chords disappear round the bend,

 my pounding strides cannot compete,

 and he fades into the background,

the twinkling of his laughter a hollow, tormenting ghost,

until the world moves on, not missing his music,

and life thunders on,

 noiselessly.


© 2013 Luna Evangeline



Author's Note

Luna Evangeline
I don't know why I'm posting so much poetry. Meh. Reviews, please.

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Featured Review

Appreciation and lament, always will be an interesting read for me. Reviewing this piece I can't say too much, I liked it, even the odd sort of imagery like "Chords disappearing behind the bend". In this line, "moves like he simply knew not that he was just so graceful," although, I understand what you mean, it could be cleaned up a bit. Something maybe like, "Oblivious of how graceful his movements seem" I like it, keep it up.

Posted 4 Years Ago


1 of 1 people found this review constructive.

Luna Evangeline

4 Years Ago

Thanks, thoughts and critique always appreciated. I'll put the rewrite on my list.
Astro

4 Years Ago

Glad to help.



Reviews

Very nicely done. I liked the imagery and, since I tend to read aloud the rythm that was set up by the alliteration at the end of the first thought [tongue/turmoil] and then again at the end of the second [moves/missing/music] which sets up the end with the repeated "s" sound of noiselessly.
I also like the counterpoint at the end of life thundering on noiselessly. For me at least the use of "thunder" works so much better than if you had used another word such as rolls or moves. It is the jarring of thunder and noiselessly that gives the ending its power.
Thank you so much for sharing this.

Posted 4 Years Ago


That was splendid. It just reeked of...I don't even know what. Desperation, despair, but it was gorgeously depressing.

Ok. As usual, I'm too tired to be reading poetry. I'm not making any sense.

But do know that I find this piece to be quite enthralling. The imagery was excellent, the language exquisite.

Yeah. I have nothing to critique... Excellent write!

Posted 4 Years Ago


Luna Evangeline

4 Years Ago

Thanks MM.
It's like the ghost of a dead musician. (Pick one, there's plenty) I imagined Jimmi Hendrix lighting his guitar on fire and throwing it into the audience only to fade away as we chase him down an alley. Hendrix Aspirated (that means choked on his vomit) from alcohol and sleeping pills. "Life thunders on noiselessly" awesome line

Posted 4 Years Ago


Luna Evangeline

4 Years Ago

Thanks Ricochet.
I enjoyed the piece and truly love poetry, don't not post it my dear!

Posted 4 Years Ago


Luna Evangeline

4 Years Ago

Thank you.
I hope you're posting so much poetry simply because you can. That is all the reason necessary. The only suggestion I would make about this gem - and only because it is something I run into in my own work is the word "That" in the line "a distant melody that I chase in vain." The line I believe carries much strength and the that would be optional. Totally up to you. I like the juxtaposition of twinkling laughter and tormenting ghost. That was a great line too.

Posted 4 Years Ago


Luna Evangeline

4 Years Ago

I'll look into it, thank you.
An interesting piece, cleverly done. Like your style in writing. Thanks for sharing.

Posted 4 Years Ago


Luna Evangeline

4 Years Ago

Thanks.
Beautiful! Very nice, I enjoyed the reading.

Posted 4 Years Ago


0 of 2 people found this review constructive.

Luna Evangeline

4 Years Ago

Thank you.
AdorableDreams

4 Years Ago

Your welcome :-)
You are indeed good,magnificent

Posted 4 Years Ago


0 of 1 people found this review constructive.

Luna Evangeline

4 Years Ago

Thank you for your kind thoughts.
Love it. A beautiful glimpse of someone who fades the second you try to get a better look at them... sigh. Beautiful poem.

Posted 4 Years Ago


Luna Evangeline

4 Years Ago

Thanks Elliott, always appreciated.
Appreciation and lament, always will be an interesting read for me. Reviewing this piece I can't say too much, I liked it, even the odd sort of imagery like "Chords disappearing behind the bend". In this line, "moves like he simply knew not that he was just so graceful," although, I understand what you mean, it could be cleaned up a bit. Something maybe like, "Oblivious of how graceful his movements seem" I like it, keep it up.

Posted 4 Years Ago


1 of 1 people found this review constructive.

Luna Evangeline

4 Years Ago

Thanks, thoughts and critique always appreciated. I'll put the rewrite on my list.
Astro

4 Years Ago

Glad to help.

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Added on May 13, 2013
Last Updated on May 13, 2013

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Luna Evangeline
Luna Evangeline

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