I'm Sorry

Alex has to break the news to his long term girlfriend, for her own good.

As I knocked on her door I could feel the bile in me rising. I had despised this day ever since I learned of Penelope’s departure. She was going to Seattle, a far off place from this small californian town. She answered the door, smiled, and hugged me and then my sister, it was her birthday today and the final day we would see her. The flight was tomorrow and though I had been invited to accompany her to see her off, I couldn’t. The thought of what I was going to say to her, well I could just see her tears now. We had been through so much together in the past year, her moving was just something we had been expecting for a month now. I didn’t want to do it but, Annie said breaking up with her would be better for her, so I wouldn’t hold her back. Though I had argued that she was wrong, she had a point. Penelope barely wanted to leave, she had even considered staying with her mother just so she could stay close. I insisted that it was stupid to even consider that, that her mother would just repeat the mistakes of the past. Penelope knew I was right, but she wanted to stay. Maybe, I’m the one repeating my mistakes, but, I don’t want her to get hurt.

“Is something wrong Alex?” Penelope asked me grabbing my hand, her steady brown eyes looking up at me with such worry. I smiled at her as best I could and swiped some of her dark brown hair behind her ear. This was the last time I would be able to touch her soft skin.

“I’m fine.” I nearly whispered and she smiled back at me. Don’t do that… I pleaded in my head, just hate me right now. She kissed me, my lips lingering on hers, trying to memorize its sweetness. The words that were going to leave my lips were too harsh to think about.

“Come on the others are waiting for us.” She said pulling me along to the living room where all our friends sat. I sat on the couch next to Ian, my best friend and my sister Annie’s boyfriend. On my otherside was Lucy who was chatting up Simon. I still wasn’t sure if I had forgiven Simon for kissing Penelope; and telling her I was no good. But I couldn’t really be mad at him after tonight, could I? After all I was proving everything he said to be true. I was a jerk, and I knew everything I was going to do was wrong for all the right reasons.

We all chatted up the night, throwing bits of cake at each other in good fun. My heart increased in beats with every clock movement and slowly everyone started to leave, I knew it was time. I reviewed in my head what I was going to say as I remembered the gift in my pocket. I had forgotten to take it out, so many times I had tried to ask her to accept the ring as a promise and each time I had forgotten. Maybe this is what I was supposed to do, all the times I could have promised that I would always love her was avoided by my subconscious. Or maybe this was a sign to ask her, to ask her to be my one and only for the rest of time. She would never leave if I asked her that, she would want to run away and I, in a heartbeat, would agree. But what did we know? We were just kids, foolish kids. We didn’t really know what love was, did we? I squeezed the ring, its metal making an imprinted circle in my hand. I would always remember the ring. The ring I had picked out with every intention of keeping that promise, I was so blind, so in love. I’m still in love, hopelessly wanting to see her smile.

“Annie go ahead without me, I’ll be there soon.” But Annie stopped instead, and looked back and stared. In that moment I knew we were twins, she knew my thoughts before I even thought them.

“I can give her a ride, in case you two love birds wanted to be alone.” Ian suggested, laughing, and I nodded a thanks. Annie gave me a sad look as if she knew what I was going to do, she knew me better than anyone and could tell that being around me after wasn’t the best. I wanted to hit something as we exchanged that look. She knew I was just like dad and that was what I was afraid of. That fear, I didn’t want to give anyone that fear.

“Bye!” Penelope waved, tears getting in her eyes as she watched them drive away. She wiped her eyes and smiled at me. She wasn’t a scared little rosebud anymore. She was blooming, and I almost thought it was because of me. Would she go back to that after I said these words? I walked back with her inside, she tried to hold my hand but I pulled away. She frowned, “What’s wrong?”

“I… I don’t love you anymore.” I wanted to take them back as the words came out, “I thought I should tell you before you leave.”

She stepped back, her eyes watering as she tried to smile, “You’re joking right?”

“No, this just isn’t working.” The words came easier as I felt my heart being swallowed whole.

“You’re lying, the Alex I know would never say this. The Alex I know wouldn’t do this to me. Not now, not today.”

“I’m not the Alex you know, I never was.” I said and she started to cry, “He never really existed.”

“You promised me that nothing would change.”

“I lied.” I said quietly as she grabbed my shirt, “Please Alex, I don’t understand why…”

“I’m sorry.” I told her choking on my words, covering my face in shame.

“Get out. Get out now! I never want to see you again, you’re dead to me. Dead.” She exclaimed. Repeating dead and getting quieter and quieter as she melted to the floor, sobbing. My heart wrenched, I wanted to rewind it. I didn’t want this. I wanted to hold her close and tell her it was just a big joke, but it wasn’t, this was best for her. But I couldn’t bare to say it was harder for me, because really it was easy. To lie, to run away. That’s when it came, the teeth clenching, the pulling on my hair. These were all signs that I was losing myself, I knew I would never feel the same again. That I would never be the Alex Fraud I was.

I got out of there and went to the car, I slammed the car door but didn’t enter. I paced to the center of the street and came back just to get in the car. I screamed, I screamed as loud as could as I myself started to cry. I honked the horn as I cursed at myself and slammed my feet on the pedals on the unstarted car. I hit the edge of the steering wheel with my fist, a ringing in my ears. I wanted it all to stop, I wanted it all to go away. I never wanted to hurt her. I never wanted to fall in love God d****t. And I never wanted to regret every step of this day.

Author's Note

If you want to know more about the characters read "Context". More short stories are soon to come about these two.

Reviews

[BlackRose]

Not a bad and enjoyed this love story of someone breaking up with another. It's so sad when it happens in real life. I usually don't read stories but wouldn't mind reading a bit more of this if you put more out.

[rav1209]

Thank you so much for your review. I'm thinking about rewriting it after I finish rewriting my currant project.

[BlackRose]

Ok, I can't wait to read the rewrite. Wasn't going to say this but when you write, try to do so that it grabs the people's attention and not sound so ordinary. But a great write besides. Your very welcome.

[speckledbyrd]

Well, this is heart wrenching. Sounds like a pretty basic love story/breakup but I feel like there is a twist...

[rav1209]

This is actually a short story based off a novel like story I wrote last year. It's still in notebooks and needs a lot of editing. Thanks for the review.

[RAOrourke]

Very nice writing. I enjoyed the flow and description of your story and I hope to read more.

[rav1209]

Thank you very much for the review!