Brian Herrick

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Cudahy, WI
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About Me

Writing is what I want to do. Its all I want to do. I just never do it all the time. Life gets in the way and I have things to do like take out the trash or work. I work at the GAP and I go to the most miserable place on the planet to help the rest of my hair fall out. It's a community college that is better off serving pigeons as a crapping post.

Comments

Simon Holmes

Posted 17 Years Ago

Hi, thanks for the review and add. I returned the favour with a few of my thoughts on "photo contest". Good stuff, will look at some more in the future.

[untitled]

Posted 17 Years Ago

Hey what's up man? Thanks for checking out "Bovis." I originally had the annotated notes up because only two people knew what Tyrus died of and though I agree that it's up to the reader to determine the outcome, I wanted to address, considering the county I'm from and the poverty that exists, a particular issue; that being tuberculosis. Thanks and take care.

....	Posted 17 Years Ago Is my computer acting up or did you send me a blank message?

....	Posted 17 Years Ago Thanks for the review on Diaries. I don't believe the life of a 14 year old is bland but I am trying to figure out where to take it next. I have a lot of ideas for it..

Emily Joy

Posted 17 Years Ago

Brian, Thank you for the review. I do agree with you about where the rhythm breaks up. I will do some rewriting on it and try to change it up some, add in a metaphor or something, as you said. Again, thanks.

-Emily

Kemari Blue

Posted 17 Years Ago

And thank you for replying. You are right about the force and agitation. I'm not a smoker by any means, but I remember my first time, which was nothing like the one I wrote about mind you. I wrote it as an exercise...and I placed emphasis in the beginning on the diner... the food and patrons eating because I wanted to show the relationship of gluttony with food (the overweight men eating hot dogs) and the beginning of addiction with cigarettes. I wanted to show the similarities between vices I suppose. But I do think you are right about the surroundings and working up to it. I probably will rewrite it to get more inside her head... I want to keep the surroundings but would like to put more importance on the act of stealing the cigarettes.. so thank you again. You've given me some good ideas for a rewrite =)

xo,
KeMari

Phil Kuhlman

Posted 17 Years Ago

Thanks for the comment and sorry it took so long to respond, been in the hospital. Anyway, I'll be working out how to make the whole cult scene a bit longer and more uneasy. I rushed it because I do this "just write till you're done" thing so the story was actually written in about two hours. I love that people seem to dig it despite that and it helps me to revise it better this way. Thanks again for the review and the pointers, they'll help a great deal! I'll return the favor as soon as I'm feeling healthy enough to sit up long enough to read a full story.

Kemari Blue

Posted 17 Years Ago

Thanks for the read/review of The Smoker. Although I think you missed the point. That wasn't my memory. It was fiction. Written as a teen smoking for the first time, so it was supposed to be a bit forced and unnatural, she was supposed to move around casing the place since she was sneaking her first cigarette. But nonetheless, I appreciate your review and that you bothered to read =)

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