Sleepless

Heyall;
You can call me Cee, a nickname given to by an ex-bf, which stuck around much longer than he did, I�m afraid. ;) Something you don�t really need to know about me (but which I�ll tell you anyway) is that my love-life is one large tangled mess of broken hearts. I am often reckless, careless, and utterly clueless when it comes to relationships. I have had experiences which many have been lucky enough to avoid, but I don�t pretend it makes me any more mature or any less na�ve. I have seen the darker side of the world, as well as the light, which will inevitably be shown through my writings. I have become a more cynical person, but still attempt to see the bright side of life. I have lost who I am and found it again. I have been broken and built myself back up slowly. I have lost belief in love, and gained it again with time. I don�t believe in a God, but I wish I did. I see such light and faith and beauty in those who believe, and I long for such strength of heart. I see how it helps them to endure, how it forms who they are, how it gives them the ability to overcome obstacles as well as temptation. I have no greater respect than for those who are truly able to believe. For those who have doubt, but are able to work through it and come out with stronger faith than ever. I suppose this is one of the few things that make me truly jealous.

I guess you could call me an artist. I sketch, paint, play guitar & piano, and write. Modesty aside, I am fairly good at all of these hobbies of mine, with the exception of guitar and writing. I have a long way to go before I am truly great at any of them, but I love the challenge of having something to work towards. Sometimes I get so caught up in all these activities and passions that I forget to make time for people. I try to show the people that I truly care about how much I love them, but sometimes I know I haven�t made it clear enough. I have amazing friends who support me through everything, even when I haven�t been there for them. I can keep any secret except one of my own. Most who know me, trust me, and more and more they are able to rely on me. In the past, I haven�t been so dependable. I�ve been in dark places, and lost consideration for those who cared. But coming out of it, I appreciate and love them more than ever. And more than ever, I am determined to be there for them as they were for me.

I used to care a lot about attention and material things and beauty. I used to be extremely selfish. I used to lie a lot. Too much. I think that there is still a part of me wrapped up in all of these things. But I�m changing. Slowly. I suppose this is why I�ve never made an honest effort to have religion. Bringing God into a life so riddled with lies and mistakes seems wrong. If I manage to fix myself, completely, ever.�then maybe I will be able and willing to believe.

So what you see in me may not always be good, selfless, or beautiful. But I promise you that I�m trying. That if you need me, no matter who you are, I will do my best to be there for you. Friends, enemies, and strangers alike. And if you�re like me, and you�ve screwed up, it�s OK.

Though I can try to be as honest as possible, and tell you all these things, you will be the best judge. See for yourself who I am.

Feel free to PM (personal message) me if you want to talk. I will see you around!

I love all of you,
<3 Cee


This is a good general description of me....

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