The Review Club Forum Discussion on Kim Roach's True..

This is a place to respond to reviews and for further comments on Kim Roach's True Light.

Thanks for the review Mykietown,

You mentioned in your review to be careful about making it like previous stuff. You don't need to worry, this isn't hogwarts, it's public school and none of the stories you mentioned are even close to similiar.

You say I reveal too much in the first chapters. Boy, I was thinking I didn't reveal enough. Also, she does meet others like her. Isn't it clear enough at the end of chapter two? If not, I may need to revise.

You comment about developing Laelana. Don't worry she gets developed throughout the book, a lot of it in the next chapter.

Is there anywhere that you found difficult to read or while reading you thought you would like to hear more of it, or that I breezed over it?

Kim-

I figured that she did meet someone with similar powers towards the end. I guess what I was getting at was that you suggested that several of the students had similar powers (the teacher too?) toward the end of the second chapter. It seemed a little overwhelming to me, and I thought that considering she's new to the school, that socialization would be a little more gradual, and that she might have identified with maybe one other empowered person, before meeting the entire clique. Is the whole student body empowered, or is it just a select few? That might be an interesting distinction to establish too.

Ah yes. It's just a small group not the entire student body. And she does meet one first. Peter. That is in the next chapter. Where I introduce each one seperately.

Heya Bull,

I just wanted to comment on your review, which by the way thank you for.

First, No I don't take offense to this reading like a YA story, because that is my intention. Although, there are parts in later chapters that I'm not so sure will go over well with that audience, but I will leave them in unless if I ever get published I'm told I have to change them. The books get more adult as the series goes on though.

As far as Laelana goes, I wanted to keep her a mystery in the first chapter to kind of leave a hook for the reader to want to read more. A lot more information is given about her throughout the book.

Thanks for the comments about how I describe things. I know this is my weak point and is something I'm working on. I do tend to just list things. I got a good peice of advice recently about how to work in description and I've been trying to incorporate it, but I still need to work on it. What the advice was, is use description through action.

Oh, and yes Stephanie does become a major player in all three of the books in the series, so I wanted to introduce her early on and show what kind of person she is right away.

I wouldn't say that the school is weird. But, you are right, I should give more of the impression that it is just a typical school and not some magical place.

Wanted to apologize saying stupid things like "looking forward to chapter 2" after just reading it. Silly, us guys is crazy, ain't we?

And I want to emphasize how interested I was and how quickly I absorbed your story.

Just a mention about description. When I really need description, especially of scenery, I'll find pictures on the web of whatever I'm trying to describe, whether it is a tree, a flower, a type of building, even faces, dresses;

Much of my present book is set in Holland, and I have a wonderful travel book that has been indispensible, with hundreds of pictures of every type of thing thinkable, maps...

Yep, you guys are nuts. All of you. ::tongue::

I do the same thing Will when I describe places I have not been.

I was hopeing to get to this one tonight but the night has flown by. I'll be sure to get it out tomorrow evening.

Thanks for the review AC.

crisp southern California heat. When I think about crisp weather I think about cool weather. Autumn really. ... Hmm, crisp to me means lack of moisture and it was my intention to show it was in the desert. I think you you're from So. Cal too, but in the L.A. area where it isn't as hot as it is in the IE.

Funny how a lot of your suggestions are things I changed this morning but didn't repost. To me that says we are the same wavelength. I think only few I had not already changed was dropping 'the way' in one line, which you are totatly right about. You're right about the intentions line too. That is too mature concept for someone with her limited expereince in the subject.

Oh, you did read about her in a bathroom and suicidal. That's the begining of the second book in the series. Like I said the books get darker as the characters get older and this one has a bit of YA feel to it, since that is the age of the characters.

Hmm, I'm going to have to think about the suggestion of changing the starting point to where she locks her keys in the cars. I wanted to focus on the fact that she is nervous about starting a new school and is trying to build herself up.

Hey, I like that idea, too - starting with the locked door moment. A great device for a lot of things you begin the motions for, there. Cool

That�s because you were using your meta physic abilities to hear my thoughts this morning as I was sitting in my cubicle reading your work. Well I�m not in LA I�m in the real LA, Louisiana ::tongue:: I was just too lazy to write it out when I joined. Crisp just reminds me ofchilled veggies or lettuce. But that�s just me.

I do think it is imperative to show her nerves at the start of the story. But it could start off right with the lock and her reluctance to use her powers. The ghost sitting in the car wouldn't be a bad idea. Kinda calling out to her hey you forgot something..lol I dunno just throwing some ideas out there to get that hook in quick. The chapter ends strong. And 2 really ends strong.

Is this Roxy in a rock band in one of your books

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NM mind ghost in the car is a bad idea as she is the hook towards the end of the chapter.

Yes, Roxy is in a rock band, which is something joins later on in this book.

I'm going to see if I can rework it by starting out with the keys in the car. I definately want to draw the reader in right away.

I just skimmed over a little of your chapter three and hope to review it soon. From what I can see it's better than two and I wasn't expecting that. You really do a good job of building the intensity. If I was reading it in a book form, right after the first few paragraphs of three, I would flip it over to the front and look at the authors name real quick and maybe read the bio. That�s what I do when an author impresses me.

Kim, I've completed the review of your opening two chapters. Overall, you know how to write. I think you're ready to kick some a*s by taking it to the next level. If you have any questions, let me know.

Cheers!

Rob

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Absolutely. My new best friend for description is YouTube. You can get scenes of just about anything you're looking for. My tip for the day. ;-)

Wheldon... Thanks for the review. I think you make some very good suggestions.

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I was wondering if this was too telling.

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I get what you are saying here. Perhaps give the description before she trips over herself? And yes, as a girl, I have tripped over myself when seeing an attractive guy.

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You're right. I'll cut seemed to. I know not to use seemed to, but still end up doing it anyway...

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Doesn't show he is mean. I use it as a way to show there is history there.

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No, she isn't saying it, which is why it's not in quotes. She's thinking it.

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You're right, I rewrote that yesterday, I just haven't posted the change here yet. Does this flow better? . Inside, a line of students waited to get their schedules. Looks like I�m not the only new student coming in after summer break.

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Perhaps a differnt description would fit better. I'm not sure.

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Yep, I changed this too. I just took out the whole dialog tag.

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NIce catch. You are absolutely right.

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All very nice suggestions. thanks.

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Yes, but she doesn't want to admit it.