The Review Club Forum Discussion on Anthony's (A. C...

This is the place to respond to reviews and for further discussion of Anthony's (A.C. Wriggle) story Spark and Trail, chapter 3, Punch and Pull

::biggrin:: I don't know who did the first review, it just says guest, but that is one hell of a review. Thank you

I meant to write a little intro etc. to catch the reviewer up but my mind was a little frazzled last night and I forgot to. When I get home I'll see if I can edit that in. AT work now :( Will be doing some reviews tonight.

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Yeah, guys, if one of you completed that review, by all means, we'd like to know it, because it was a good review. (And this is your helpful admin nudge to make sure you're signed in before reviewing. Thanks.)

-cc

Heya,

That was me that did the review. For some reason the system boots me out when I hit the submit button. I'm not sure what is going on with that. Maybe, I will try re-singing in before I enter the review.

You guys are setting the bar very hi for good reviews. This is some of the points Bullgooselon pointed out I wanted to chat about.



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Hounestly I fell in love with the dark tower series and that type of future, althought it's more of a paralel universe. Once I finnished the books I started toying with a western future. Is it a homage? Can't really say as this so far it is just self indulgence. I've stopped writing it 3 or 4 times but lines just keep coming to me and I go back to it. My biggest fear is that I make parallels without even thinking about.

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LOL you are right. I've had to redo plot and things a couple of times. When I started I just brainstormed my way through 2 chapters. 5 chapters in I have a little bit more clearer idea what Gomorra is and where William is going.

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In chapter 5 he becomes lively and there is a crazy scene so I wanted to introduce the mule. You are right about the levity. I'll keep it under consideration and maybe I'll axe it or shorten it.


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You did a bang up job reviewing a chapter 3. The old man is much more defined in 1 and 2. He is a sick pervert that found William in the lameland sand, made him smoke the black stick, and when he passed out did some gross stuff.

The girl is a clone{/i] and you are right I havn't mentioned her much. I shy away from writing about girls for some reason. Just affraid the chrachter will sound fake. I wont be able to avoid it in 5 though. If only I had cross gender writing skills like Julie.

Thank you for your hounesty and time.

Anthony,

I certainly don't want to disparage you in any way, especially if it's a story that keeps calling you back. There is definitely a lot of merit and forethought apparent in this chapter, and I was only pointing out parallels you obviously are already aware of.

No, no, if the mule becomes important, later, I say leave it. Same with the clone girl. I, too, have trouble writing the female POV. It's because they're crazy. Not our fault. Have you tried wearing women's underwear? I don't mean for writing purposes, just wondering if you've tried it. Because I haven't ...

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Well that review rocks. You point out a ton of errors that I�ll go through and correct soon. I won't lie, my understanding of grammar rules and such is horrible. Sometimes I think I'm making progress and learning but then I turn around and just forget it all. I can't tell you how many times I've given up and stopped writing. But that need to craft words comes back and I find myself back at the keyboard with a constipated face pushing on.

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it's one of those things where you have to read Chap one to know. Quote:


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That works perfectly!

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I was using da for Dad. If that makes any sense.

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Yea I did mean guns. Kind of creating their own slang and such. I dunno I'm working on it lol.

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Thank you for explaining that to me.

Well you gave me a lot to work on. And taught me some things in the process. I won�t lie the passive stuff is still a little bit of a mystery but hopefully I can work it out.

Thanks again, Anthony

I haven't read this story yet, though I soon will.

I just want to respond to that last: if you avoid trouble with your characters, you will have a dull book. If you avoid YOUR CHARACTER...I think it means you don't know her.

My advice, before you write that chapter where she becomes prominent, is to ask yourself several questions about her: What does she want? Why is she with these other characters (how did she come to be with them, was it voluntary or accidental)? What is her larger goal in the book (her driving passion; characters should bring with them into the book a passion that drives them; then there is the passion that is driving them in the present scene. These may be the same, or they may at times be different)? If you know the answers to these questions (and I keep a file for each character with these answers, as a reminder), then just make sure she has the correct attitude to be "in character" with these goals, and you will write her as well as you write your male characters.

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I think I coughed up a lung laughing so hard at your reply. I'll stick to just trying to get them off rather than getting them on. lol

If you write in word, you can turn on in the options under grammar and style for it to find passive voice. It finds it most of the time. But passive voice is when the action is done to the subject rather than the subject doing the action.

I'm not really sure about the whole dark tower series correlation. I'll be honest, I've never read anything by Stephen King. I guess it's my revulsion to my step mother who was probably his bigest fan. But I have to say I like the way the story is developing so far and I think I will go back and read the first chapters.

I have to agree with William AKA Vinjana, about writing the oposite sex. If you know what influences the character, then you know how to write her. Consider doing a character bio. Go through and interview the character and find out what makes her tick. I have a sheet I work with that I could send to you. I also have a myspace account that all my neices are on and I get those stupid surveys the kids fill out, but I don't mind them too much because I will use them by writing out how my characters would answer. It gets you into the character better. To be honest, I don't think that writing differnt sexes is a difficult matter. Just think about how the character would react, not whether it is male of female.

Oh and Bulls... Yep women are crazy, but not any more than you men. =P

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Anthony:

I will thank you for that and let you in on a secret...as Jeff suggested I wear men's underwear whenever writing with said POV... ::biggrin::

Sorry to jump into your discussion, but I thought it was important to tell the others just how creepy the old man is in chapter 1. I read it and didn't sleep a wink... Anthony has some frightening skills to spook me.

Julie

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Please send away me email is [email protected]

Thanks, Anthony

I am somewhat concerned with the dark tower series but at the same time you can't write barely any science fiction without there being parallels somewhere within the 7 volumes he wrote. I think it's the voice I write in that people bring that up. Even before I knew what the dark tower was I've been told I write like him. (Though sucky I'm sure). The reason being that it has vampires, time travel, technology, telepothy etc, robots, witch craft and much more. The story itself borrows from star wars, the wizzard of oz, harry potter and the list goes on and on. It really has no limit and that�s what I love about it. I've only read one other of his books and put it down at the end of the third chapter. I may put it away for a few months and come back to it once I�m more withdrawn form the dark tower. I�ve been toying with the idea of writing a story switching back and forth from the 1st pov and 3rd. Maybe I�ll dabble with that a while.

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So should I wear thong or maw maw drawls? lol

Thanks for the kind words.

Anthony, I prefer something in a nice french cut with a peakaboo front. That is, of course, if I knew anything about such things. And Julie, can I just say ... nice!

Wheldon you bring up some great points. The way I read and write this story is as if I have a narrator telling it to me like an audio book. I never thought about what it would be like if someone where to just skim over it at the speed you suggest the average reader would. Good food for thought and I thank you.

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Thank you for your review. The reason I didn't post one up was because I am going to change a few things. But so you know Tinkerton refers to people of our time that have long since gone. Makertons are a society and trchnology that emereged at the end of our time. These people are our ansesters that basically don't know they come from the Tinkertons and makertons. Their words for them or maybe they do. I havn't decided yet :) But yea If you havn't read one and 2 you will be lost. Thats my fault and I should not be lazy and just go fix up one and two and do them in order. Jain is a woman that takes controll of william. Although when it happens WIlliam can hear her thoughts but she can't hear his, atleast yet. But everytime she comes to william it's like she has amnesia and has no idea who she is but knows she is a woman. But being in a males body she eventually accepts it. William adors her and below is section about it.

Of Guile, grit, and greatness

Tough as nails and free as puppy dog tails, she had to have been fatherless. That is the way the preacher thought of her every time he rode shotgun on the bumpy, wayward, wagon that was his body when she took the reins.

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Sorry had to put my two pennies in here. You forgot that it also borrows from basic Arthurian legends and spaghetti westerns. The style isn't as important as what you do with it :)

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I had to look both of those up even though I think Eddie dean mentions something about spaghetti westerns :)

Can you suggest any books I should read?

Canterbury Tales for classic Arthurian legends, but as for spaghetti westerns, I have no idea.

(Speaking of sticking 2 cents in....)

-cc

Or for other Arthurian legends of a more readable type (well I suppose that's questionable Canterbury Tales is pretty fun) - T.H. White's The Once and Future King, Mary Stewart's Merlin Series, Marion Zimmer Bradley's Mists of Avalon or Malory's Le Morte de Arthur (think I got that one right).

Spaghetti Westerns - Any early Clint Eastwood movie (The Good, the Bad and the Ugly comes to mind). Generally they are the movie version of pulp fiction (as in the dime store novel not the movie). Some of those would be Isaac Asimov's Lucky Starr books (they did a reprint for them a while back) and some of Kurt Vonnegut's early stuff.

(And just for neat trivia they're called spaghetti westerns because they where shot in Italy)