The Review Club Forum Discussion on William Wraith's..

This is a place to respond to reviews and for further discussion on William Wraith's War On Error: A Chameleon�s View (Scenes 1 and 2).

Wow. This is pretty awesome. I'm shaking in my boots ::suprised::

William, yours is next on my list. Wanted to give myself plenty of mental elbow room for your piece and after my initial read, I'm glad I did. I'll have it done by tomorrow.

Dear Mykie,

Thanks so much for your review. And thanks for that "Times Up" tip. I almost certainly will remove it. Glad to hear the "heroic and otherworldly," because it's Gust's book and this is the impression I had hoped for.

I have raised lots of story questions, and my duty is to answer them all. In fact I have a 145,000 page first novel in which Gust spent the entire time as a silent prisoner (excepting at the very end, when he is rescued). I cannot say too much here, for fear of giving away, but the Antons, in book one, were the first actual humans to ever see Gust. There are others on Earth who held him for decades, and these you will find out about in subsequent scenes; antagonists take the stage starting in scene 4. Most of what you want to know about the Antons will be revealed in the next 15000 words.

For anyone who reads my work, I would like you to know the following questions are uppermost in my mind:

Were there any times when you had to stop, back up--a sentence or a paragraph--and ask, "What is his meaning here?" In short, did you experience any bumps in the road?

If you found this in the laundry room and read as far as you have, would you keep reading, or would you have better things to do? In short, is this a page turner?

Did you have to use your dictionary? I ask because I worry people may consider this overly complex, and I want to make sure I do all I can to make it reader friendly.

Thanks in advance for your answers.

Bill

Quote:


To answer your first and last question, I didn't find any bumps on the road. The prose flowed quite smoothly. Also, I didn't have to refer to a dictionary at any point during my reading, which is probably why I didn't detect any bumps. I remember you using the word hibernaculum, which I had never encoutered before. However considering the context and root I assumed its meaning. I'd say it's challenging enough; I think an occasional underused word is healthy for a good book.

As for your second question, generally, I see two types of books. There are those books that the reader visits, like a layover from a plane trip. Those type of books I tend to read in a day. Then there are books where the reader dwells for an extended stay. Those books I digest over a longer period of time. I have an appetite for both types, so I wouldn't say either one is preferred over the other. But so far, I'd consider your book to fall in the latter. Both are page turners still. But I think I'd more likely stop and think with your book. I hope that answers your question...

Mike,

You echo my sentiments exactly. Eloquently put, and thank you very much.

William,

I just finished your review, and every time I went back to edit some grammatical mistakes or to change how I stated some opinions, more mysterious backslashes kept popping up. I hope this doesn't make it too difficult to read and please don't hesistate to ask questions about anything. What a pain.

Jeff

I have had trouble editing reviews too; guess we'd better get it all right the first time.

As to your review: you are good at building tension (my sigh of relief exploded when the words "I'm in" appeared), and you have a net-like mind broad enough to catch a boatload of full-grown blue tuna.

As to prologues, especially those that amount to dumps of backstory, I think they are just what agents will reject almost out of hand, and so I prefer to begin with action. I wouldn't want to start with a scene that turns out to be all within a dream, either. I want that agent to know my story is grounded in "reality."

My story, you will find, is not very black and white, as I believe in antagonists who have very good reaasons for what they are doing, and that in some way the reader should find sympathetic; I hope reader might sometimes not know who to cheer for.

If you have such a big book in your head, I suggest you begin a folder called BIG BOOK, then create files to save ideas for this; when you have collected enough, no matter how far in the future that is, you will reaize what form the story should take, and you will begin to write it.

Everything in my story you read grew from Gust's driving passions, and as it is his book, I had no choice but to follow him. Ulf released him from living hell and treated him with dignity. Gust was born a social being, and has too long been deprived of companionship; and off he goes. What the individual reader brings to all this is beyond my control, and Gust is unaware of you altogether. All I can hope early on is to build reader sympathy, and identity with the characters.

As to the dream plane, do we not all contemplate Havens, and worlds beyond the waking world that we're constantly fooled into thinking is THE "reality."

Author can ask little more than to hear reader say "I am involved and have to know what happens next." What a relief. For I think you'll enjoy scene 3; I'll be interested to hear whether it is where you might guess I'm going; I'd bet you'll be a bit surprised, and a little less reluctant.

As to compassion, I believe most suffering stems from discriminating between self and other, as if the two were essentially different. I believe it is actually possible to see self in other and other in self to such a degree that the voice we hear coming from others becomes indistinguishable from our own voice. In such a moment, (wrong) discrimination ends, and that is an Awakening the likes of which makes the sufferings of life all worthwhile. Gee, guess that might sound a bit cryptic. But it makes perfect sense to me. My driving passion is to help others see the sense in it.

Your review, and every other thing I've heard you say, is very thoughtful and heartfelt. No one should expect more from another.

Hey, WWW, I'm glad you could get something out of my review. I was worried it was too negative. Obviously, yes, I am in, and even was thinking today how I'd like to find out what happens to Gust, next, so maybe I care more than I let on? Us singles can be testy around V-day.

Yea, I don't really like prologues much, either, and I think your points are dead on. Maybe extending the dream sequence when it comes might help readers like me?

I also realized something, yesterday. I've recently fallen off the meditation wagon and have paid for it. I wonder if my review reflects the fact that I, personally, am feeling fairly detached, right now, and am maybe projecting my recent spiritual setbacks. Just a sincere push to take my review for the cracked grain of salt it is.

Dear CC,

Your skill as a reviewer is awesome. I thank you so much for your careful and sensitive treatment of my work. You truly understand what sweat I�ve put into it, and make me feel its all worthwhile.

For not intending to pick out a lot of lines, you certainly found your share. How gratifying that they were mostly likeable lines.

As I decided this would be Gust�s book before I began to write, it does my heart good to see he is favored by readers. I have had people say they want a fuller description of him. You don�t, and this comports with my intentions. David and Agneese will appear in only two other scenes in the book. David was major in the first novel, where he started at age 13.

My favorite paragraph in your review discusses theme, �the deepest strength of the piece.� I have always hoped the discussion of human nature, as close to the marrow as possible, would overcome what work I make the reader do with my use of language.

Most of these things you suggest might fit in a prologue are in the body of the novel: The events that lead to his crash on earth; his departure from his home planet. I reveal these, but concisely, so as not to stop the present action in the scenes where they appear. I could put up a good prologue showing the crash site; I have such a brief scene written but unused. But chapter 1 would have to be announced as starting eighty years in the future. I wonder how that might go over with an agent? You really have me thinking about using this

I believe I will be changing the opening line.

CC, can you elucidate a little on this idea: �I guess the question to ask about every sentence - does this sentence show me HOW or WHY it says what it says.�

Everyone loves my dungeon mouse.

I knew the cash laying around was a problem. Having a 145000 word backstory has great advantages, but sometimes too much information pours out of my fingers. This will require a line or two of exposition.

I do wonder how much humor I can inject without diminishing the epic tone.

One reviewer mentioned that Gust�s saying, �Times up,� regarding them guessing his favorite movie, diminished the reader�s view of Gust�s heroic person. CC, you say more idioms and such are in order. Such a delicate balancing act, this fiction writing business. OH, HOW I LOVE IT!

Bill,

I'm glad the review worked for you. I really am.

As for the HOW/WHY comment - go back to the first 2 sentences. The first one just tells me that escape is impossible for Gust. The second tells me HOW he can't escape and gives me some details WHY. That's what I mean. If you need further elaboration, I can try, but the best explanation I have is that example.

The idioms... I think the more formal, epic tone to the narrative is fine. I mostly meant dialogue, honestly. Best of both worlds?

-cc

OH! And the prologue. I think having a major temporal break between the prologue and the first chapter is OK. With some quick exposition you can make the time difference clear, and it's permissible to have that much of a difference between the two.

-cc

Yea, C, that was a f*****g awesome review.

Well, thank you, Jeff.

-cc

Thanks for the review LOEKIE.

I understand you want to know the why and how of the relationship between Gust and the Antons. They don't talk amongst themselves about this because they have been 12 years together and it is old news to them. My decision has been to reveal this history gradually as the book progresses, but if this irritates too many people I may have to rethink it.

Also, I wonder how many reviewers are under the impression Gust only learned about shape-shifting in Scene 2? I had relied on the following lines to show he'd acquired this information earlier:

Quote:


Perhaps I'll need to clarify that his hope, expressed early in Scene 1, is the result of his melding with the dream master during his long sleep.

And thanks for your review, CAMERON.

You ask whether the War on Error is real. I would point readers first to the title of the book, then to the mention of ongoing conflict in dialogue between Gust and David. Finally, there is: "He was a master of the net, which still connected Europe and some other countries not yet engulfed in the War on Error."

Of course armed conflict usually begins with a war of words. To paraphrase a wise person whose name I've forgotten, politics is war without the bullets. The War on Error is a battle of ideas first.

To ALL OF YOU who wonder whether a prologue would be useful: my thinking has been that a prologue simply delays Gust's quest, and I've imagined his quest as the beginning of the story. My fear is people might do what Jeffrey suggests he has done in past lazy moments: they might skip the Prologue!!

I hope you all will keep this PROLOGUE QUESTION in mind for further discussion. Perhaps those of you who've decided to turn the page and read Scene 3 (out of longing to know, not your duty as reviewer) will be able to confirm or not the need for a prologue after you've experienced further scenes.

Now that you point it out, all I can do is go "duh!". I also see your point about the Antons and expect more later on. But as a reader, I felt nothing being mentioned a bit frustrating. It wasn't like they took in a puppy. They made some made sacrifices which all involved acknowledge.

And this is a personal thing. If I picked up the book in a store or read the first chapter on Amazon, I most likely would pass on it. I generally read and review a piece from that point of view. And yeah, that means it is more of a personal opinion. But if we want to hit the book stands, sometimes we have to think of the person who picks up a book and quickly flips through it and decide then if they are going to plunk down their hard earned cash.