The Review Club Forum Discussion for Wheldon's The M..

This is the place to respond to reviews and for further discussion of Wheldon's The Moon & The Albatross - Chapter Five.

Review is up.

Thanks Kim - I have made some changes - really helpful. The interesting thing is that the English don't tend to 'feel' nearly as much on average as an American - but obviously there's a need to insert more interior emotion, so have done.

Wheldon

Well, I'm American, but my ancestory is about sixty percent English a quarter italian and the rest a mix of other European nationalities. Maybe it's the italian in me, or it's that I was raised in the states, but I think emotion is an important part of any story. I'm going to go read the changes you made.

Ah, I just finished reading through the revisions. Very nice changes. I like what you added at the begining. You bring us into the scene better. I like that you cut the end where you did too. I also fot a better feel for the characters this time around. I don't know if it is the changes or if it is the mood I am in now and the mood I was in when I read it the first time. But felt a more dramatic effect the whole way throught this time. Nice job.

Thanks Kim - my ancestry is very dour English and Scottish - and the lack of emotion pretty well reveals a lack of wanting to reveal deep emotions in the real world - what a shrink would say if I were ever to go to one - shall certainly analyze the rest of my writing and see if there's anything else needing to change. Luckily on a superficial level I have a sense of humor.

Thanks Anthony

Great suggestions - followed up on all of them - cut the chapter short a little. Thanks!

Wheldon

Thanks for the comments Bill - really appreciated - changed some things. Looking at all the ITs could be more of a challenge - but will have a go.

Review is up. Sorry, I was having problems getting in to the site this weekend.