The Review Club Forum Discussion of CC's Monsters Ch..

This is the place to respond to reviews and for general comments on CC's Monsters Caps. 4 and 5

Kim,

Thank you for the kindness. You are definitely right about those errors... although, I'm not sure about barred. I mean it literally - like barred the gate, like "to block," and it think it's correct in that sense as well. I'll have to go to the dictionary.

And, yeah, I figured that transition would be a problem for the same reason as the first one was for many people. Do you think this one is less rocky than the one in the first set of chapters?

-cc

Yes, this transition was more clear. It just seemed forced.

It feels like you're trying to hard to seperate these thoughts. Let it flow from Amanda and we'll understand.

Apparently there's something in me that likes abrupt transitions. ::mad:: I need to find it and kill it, so thank you to both Kim and Chrissie for identifying another.

Chrissie... I see what you're saying about building more internal tension into Amanda's conversation with Emily, more self-questioning. It's not really my style to write extensive internal monologue, but given the telepathic frame... I agree that there could be a little more worked in. Otherwise, thank you for your time.

-cc

Loekie,

No, I'd call it a critique... but I'd put an adjective in front of it... one that doesn't need to be repeated... ::biggrin:: Kidding.

I can't say I agree with you of course. Thoughts aren't italicized for two reasons: first, because it confuses things given the telepathy. Telepathy gets italicized to keep that as coherent as possible - nothing else does. Second, I think limited third allows a certain amount of character thoughts - as long as you stay in the third person pronoun and don't flip into "I." I think it's a stylistic thing, and a choice of narrator issue. My narrator is about as close as you can get to the main character without being in first person - there are NO POV changes in the novel, not once (or there shouldn't be - there aren't any major ones on a scene level), and Amanda often presents assumptions that turn out to be wrong, which explains why I think the "thoughts" without italics are fine. I'm happy to argue about this with you, of course, and especially interested to hear others thoughts, either those that have read these chapters or the first set.

As for Amanda's role in vampiric society. It seems in flux because this isn't a codified organization like a government. Mitchell has more power, so he rules in a semi-unofficial manner. She's a big fish. That's it. I don't spend a lot of time on it because it simply isn't that important to the story. The political stuff is mostly a frame for the personal stories that make up the bulk of the novel. Again, I'd like to hear more opinions on this. If there is a lot of confusion, it's important for me to know.

-cc

Actually, you can do thoughts in italics and telepathic comunication as well. The differnce is that you put telepathic comunication within quotes. Although, you don't need to put thoughts in italics if you write them in third person. I do both. Sometimes I think direct quote of thought is better for the story and sometimes I don't. I think which ever works better for the scene is what you should do.

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Kim, I agree. I think it is sorta a preference thing. One of the reasons I chose not to have the italics is that having the thoughts in third person normal text I think draws the reader closer to the POV character, without having to use first. I could be crazy too....

-cc

I would say you are crazy, I don't know you well enough :-)

I suppose part of this thread is because of convention. Yet most of us here are unconventional. I see your point about the thoughts but don't agree. And it is a personal thing. One suggestion I have is to actually use italics for both but a different colour for the telepathy parts.

Well, I am crazy. ::tongue::

But I think you're right - it is personal. I don't think there's a rule one way or another. It's like I said to Kim - it's not an arbitrary decision on my part. I have used italics for thoughts in other contexts... I guess it sorta depends on my narrator.

-cc

Leah,

Thank you for the comments, especially the little things. Those are the kinds of things its so easy for the writers' brain to ignore, and they need fixing. Also, I appreciate the perspective from outside of the genre. Gives me hope... ::biggrin::

-cc

On the discussion above about thoughts, telepathy, italics, and so on:

I feel like an expert on telepathic stuff and italics, quotes, etc.

Thoughts, per se, seem acceptable to me delivered within narrative without any markers of any kind, if you're strongly in the point of view of a particular character, and keep the narrative in that character's voice.

If you use italics for some kind of mind-stuff like dreams or recollections, then it might be necessary to put telepathic communication in quotation marks.

I felt that the entire thing was in Amanda's PoV (with one little early slip to Amelia, that I skipped over) and so when her thoughts were expressed seamlessly, without italics, I rejoiced in finding a kindred authorial spirit.

Use quotes in telelpathic communication if you're going to use italics for something else somewhere else, is my opinion.

Dear CC,

Had to see where Amanda went next. I just want to say that I read this scene straight through with no hitches at all. It was easy to see what was telepathic communication and what was not.

I did not read for nitpicks, but for the story, as I was not filing a review. I like that you left the two men behind and introduced several other characters, and that you gave us an insight into vampire social life and pecking order, as well as Amanda's background as a newly made vampire.

I bring up one picky aspect that stands out to me, and which I doubt will be raised by others. I take it Amelie is short for Amelia. Then we have Emily, which might sound very like Amelie (I've never known anyone with this latter name); then there is Amanda.

I only bring up these similar names because in my first book I had two characters that wound up appearing in many scenes together. Their names were Barret and Barney. There were a few times when I discovered I'd used the wrong name due to their similarity.

I did not find trouble differentiating these characters in this scene. I'm just saying problems can arise, and I now make it my practive to pick clearly different names for all characters.

bill w

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lol. Bill, you've got a point. I just wanted to let you know that I completely agree, and, for various reasons, Amelie's name will change - it's just something I'd left for final edits (so I can use the find and replace function in Word). Thank you for the rest of your kind comments.

-cc

Mike,

Thank you for the comments on the story. To answer your questions - more for your gratification than anything (yes, they are answered later, no, I'm not sure if I'll be posting more of Monsters). Mitchell Conway is far far far more powerful than Amelie or Emily or Xerius. He's definitely the big fish. He is, however, out of town, leaving Amanda, and since Xerius made her a vampire, her ability to beat him is questionable (at this point).

I think I indicate that Amelie lives on the Gold Coast, without being terribly specific whether it's Glencoe or Evanston or Wilmette or whatever. I say that Mitchell lives in Lake County because there's no better place to say - he lives in the middle of the trees that still populate the more distant reaches of the county. (Yes, I lived in Chicago for a while - more in the suburbs, but, whatever.) That's another thing that's probably clearer in the first chapters - funny how many little details you don't realize you need to synopsize, huh?

OK, that's all I remember - I've got a cold, so the brain is moving a little slow. Thanks again.

-cc

Anthony, Wheldon, Thank you both for your comments and suggestions.

-cc