The Review Club Forum Brent's discussion

This is the place for discussion of Brent's pieces

Thanks one and all for the reviews. I have been very slow in reading them all, but I wanted to at least mention I noticed your hard work.

Belle, thanks for all the suggestions on Secluded Alleys 1-3.

I've gone in there with a weedwacker and sliced away about 8 paragraghs of description in chapter 2 so far. In the next couple days, I'll get hold of a machete and hack away at some more. You were right on the money on that. Thanks again.

Thanks Cameron and RM for the thoughts on My Brother Eats numbers.

Norm, you are right on that I kinda cranked this out in one sitting. I like the idea of it, but you are also right that alot of it is forced. I think I need to significantly tone down the "moral" of the story, and if I do, there is probably some stuff worth keeping in there.

And Cameron- great ideas about newspaper style writing, cutting flashbacks and getting to the meat of the present tense story. That is totally what I will focus on next.

Please forgive that writerscafe didn't take my formatting on the line edits. I hope you'll be able to follow them with the bold marks, but if something's unclear, let me know.

-cc

Thanks CC. I haven't looked it over too much yet, but I'll holler if I get lost

Thanks Malenkov, Cameron, and Julie for your reviews of the new, improved Secluded Parking.

I am feeling much more excited about this with all the new action, though it is going to mean long nights of rewriting to pull all of the threads through. Thanks for making the job easier through your edits and suggestions.

Brent:

Yeah, I can see a long rewrite, but wow, it makesa complete difference in tension level and how I felt about Dylan. Great change. I hate when you make a big change like that, and it backfires, but when it makes things a whole bunch better, rewriting isn't too bad. Let me know if I can help in furture chapters. I'd love to keep up with the changes.

Julie