The Review Club Forum Cameron Discussion

Cameron's discussion

Brent -

Thanks for the review on Jonas ch. 1. I think you're totally correct. I have a real tough time starting fantasy novels because I don't know where to start them. The stilted dialogue for the most part was intentional, but you're definitely right that it was formal. Do you think it's harmful to the story?

And overall I like the idea, I'm not sure if I'm too thrilled about the execution. I'm torn on the first person issue, just because I know that with this type of story I should use first. But I also just finished a novel in first and to be honest I'm sick to death of it.

Anyways, thanks again for the review.

Cameron

just gave you a monster of a review- Hope it was helpful. It was more a lit crit piece but I think its value is less in terms of suggestions, which are very minor but in showing you the way a reader reacts - albeit in a very analytical way. But I though the piece was very good.

Malenkov

Quote:


Hey Cameron,
I honestly don't have a good answer to the question of whether it harms the story. Part of the reason I read very little fantasy is because I can't get into the formal voice of it. So from my personal perspective, it harms the story. BUT there is obviously a huge audience for it and I think that audience enjoys that voice, so I wouldn't necessarily toss it out the window.

I know there are folks out there that do not enjoy the acerbic, cynical, attempts at wit that usually voices detective fiction, and so I just write them off as potential consumers of the stuff I am currently working on.

So, what I am getting at is you probably need to ask someone more in the know than I am. ::smile::

Hey Cameron,

You were my first vict...ahhh member to review on Jona's 'Working Tittle," and unsure how or where to discuss the work/review so I looked here.

The formal dialogue of the gnomes worked for me. Made me think of the traveloicty commercials and their lawn gnome. Not sure that is what you intended, but that was one of the images that came to mind. Why? Their gnome speaks rather politely and formally. Yours doing so sort of adds to the humor of the situtation I think. Maybe its a personal taste issue, but I had not issue with that.

My biggest concern was that damn car running in the back ground. While reading I kept asking myself when you were going to get back to the car...and you never did. So, while setting the sceen, you placed a rather vivid image in my mind without any context for why its there.

Ok..his car is running in the back ground. But how did it get there? Who drove it? See the point? Alot of questions on a simple little statement. If it is not important for the reader to know or understand how Jonas got there, then why even bring up the car, running, and the gas he can not afford. For me, it was a nice image, but little need for it after finishing the story.

Hope the rest of the comments helped. If you have any questions, message me.
Nick.

Nick,

Thanks for the review by the way :) As to the car it does become important in the next chapter, but I can understand your point. I'll definitely take it under consideration.

As to what I post. Well I admit, almost everything you see is a first draft. Occasionally I do some touch up work on them. And while the publishing gods may strike me down where I stand, I try to aim for getting the story right first. Because in all honesty, most of the language will change on the revision.

Julie,

Thanks for the review. I'm glad that you liked it better than the last version. :) You're totally right about the flashback in the middle and just bringing the chapter to a screeching halt :) The whole chapter is a bit clunky in a lot of ways, but I can fix it on revision. And I'm changing it over to first, so hopefully that solves the confusion on some of the lines.

Cam:

1st will definately fix that talky problem and confusion. Good choice really too since that seems to be the latest trend in this genre. Don't get me wrong btw, I did like the first draft too, I just think u are hitting a good stride here.

Julie