All, most.

it hasn't gotten here yet, but it's coming. or maybe it's not. but it feels as if it's on its way. and it just hasn't blossomed yet. but maybe it will be here soon.

this

this tea without honey
this cold without sweaters
this running and falling
and holding doors

this sickness of walking
of something catching in my throat
salt water running down both my cheeks

this unsteady footing
this imbalances
this stacks misplaced directions

this blisters where things ought to be
not where they’ve been
this wishes for stimulation
for physical attachment
to have something to run my fingers across

this tightens my stomach

this un-calm
swirls hair in my face
and shifts sunlight into my eyes

this all encompassing
not enough

this daze of hesitation
this solidarity.
  
this yet.

this in-between
this

 

almost.

Author's Note

thoughts on the verb tenses? i'm not entirely sure if it's clear why which is which.