Daniel and Antnniette

Daniel and Antoniette

Soul writer: Mishel Reyes.   As Maynard James Keenan.   T. S. H.  Elliot.

 

 

There she was.   The Meribeth Antoniette.  My sole condolence to her loss thence I shall contain Ance.   My heart atop.  Oh, the glory of such a whim!  My fascination! My ecstasy! My little dove, I shall be loved, and love.  My chest Fort rights.  May heaven drop down.  And bring me this creature of unknown beauty and so much grace.

 

I close n my eyes over and over.  Let them wilt, I cry, so she doesn’t see my pain of whole-hearted desire, passion, and desire.  No longer a child.  It’s aggression I seek.  I seek to hold her.  I seek to make Meribeth Antoniette mine.  Whilst she, ah desire.

Daniel and Antoniette.

Soul Writer: Mishel Reyes as Maynard James Keenan.  T.S.H. Elliot.

 

 

I, I am of desire of wealth.  I have no subjections or discretions.  I laugh.  My chest grows even more.  Man, baby, not a child you will have my Antoniette, so dearest to my waking touch.

 

 

She is by a carriage.  I wear my royalty cloth.  She leaves the carriage.  I put myself in raw closeness.  I am but meek.  Look up Antoniette.  Look up!  There.  She moves awkward.  The grimace in my face loosens.  I’m pointed out. 
“Daniel, I’m given the pleasure to introduce you to Meribeth Antoniette.”

 

Thank you, Harold.  I seek her throbbing hand.  Daniel, my pleasure is mine Miss.  Antoniette.”

 

 

 

End of Scene I.   Daniel and Antoniette.   Sole writer: Mishel Reyes.  As Maynard James Keenan.   T. S. H. Elliot.

 

I am given the pleasure to introduce you a love story that beckons my apple, my wine.  I hope you find it enjoyable.

 

T. S. H. Elliot.

Reviews

[Dennis Wolf]

Since this is intended as a longer work, I'd suggest using traditional chapter forms, take your time, stick to the main POVs and separate POV changes within chapters with enough space, maybe with stars as well.. Describe what the characters see, hear, smell, feel etc.. Clear dialogue
Use italics for thoughts etc.

To make for easier reading.
Yes, style is important, but so is some amount of clarity.


This would be all the 'technical'... Suggestion.

On another note, I'm looking forward to the next chapter.
Cheers

[1809 Black Plague December]

Thank you so much Dennis Wolf. I do use diolougue, just tried to use another approach. In other works, I usually get in trouble for it, LOL, I try to be non traditional. :)

[Dennis Wolf]

That's fine. Cheers.