Forgiving a memory

A Poem by Kianna L. Bearden

The woes of a 13 y.o. girl.

My mom was young;

And so were you,

yet you broke her heart

completely in two.

You left us for beer

and the thrill of drugs and crime

never knowing exactly

what you left behind.

That was many years ago,

exactly how many, i do not know

You've been a ghost

A half-known dream

What do you think, to me, that shows?

My mother tells me

of your misdeeds

How your love was strangled

By reality's weeds.

She told this to me

yet i wished still

to meet you or talk

just to prove you were real.

And talk we did

but with half a heart

Alas, shortly after

You were again arrested

And our thread of a relationship

Was torn apart.

After you did this

to my mother and I

i'd be absurd to forget it

and yet i must try

to forgive you

at least, ease your pain

or is it my pain?

I am not sure

I know anymore.

I can never forget

that you left us like that

but I must remember

that you actually came back

and tried.

With this in mind i say

that i forgive you

And have gone my own way

You are little more than a memory

Half faded away

And now you are gone

Drugs coursed through your veins

Too much, it seems

For you to handle

Whether accident or purpose

It matters not

To the girl you left behind

Feelings to rot

I cannot help but wonder

Did you ever care?

Was it guilt that choked your veins

The day you wrote that first letter?

I'm scared

That my future brings

What you left behind,

Drugs and crime

Since I have your face

Your red hair, your blue eyes.

What if I also have a small amount

Of what led to your demise?

They said you were crazy,

schizophrenic

Well it runs in the family

I guess.

Since my mind is a mess.

I don't know what I expected

When the call came

About your death

Your last breath

On this earth.

I felt nothing,

I still feel nothing

Except maybe a little bit

Of curiosity.

Who were you?

Am I really such a mirror image

Of the man you were?

This girl you left behind.

But alas, you are gone.

There's not much I can do

Except forgive

Don't forget!

I won't ever forget

But at least I have

those last letters

Proving what you tried to do.

Now I look up and smile.

Try to every once in a while

Remember your face

Or your place

In my life

Though every blank I draw

Is just another straw

On the camal's back

I will try

To lighten the load.

Your memory is sold.

I wish you luck

Where ever you go.

So goodbye, forever

My not so real father.

Author's Note

This is about my biological father and what i pieced together over the years. He died a couple of weeks ago, so I thought I'd edit it a bit.
Thank you for reading.

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Reviews

Autumn

I can relate so much to this poem, although my biological hasn't been involved in crime, he left my mother and several other girls when they were pregnant, so i never met him.

Deep poem, very good writing and rythme. It flows pretty well! I would consider to convert it into a story/short story.