Reminiscence

A close friend, kept her with me, to watch her suicide. Her plans, came to life. These were my thoughts, at the time. Please respect this. xx RIP Elizabeth.

Her hard, numb eyes,

Staring back into mine.

Her hands, raised to her mouth,

Pills stuck like glue.

She always said "I wonder...

I wonder if it hurts?

I wonder if the pain I cause,

Will be more pain inflicted, or less.

She raised her hand,

To stop my outburst.

The damage has already been done,

Nothing can take it away, were her words.

She stated it so calmly once,

That I was too afraid to argue.

She looked so peaceful,

With her smile curved upwards, eyes sparkling.

She stated it so calmly once,

That I wondered if she would actually do it.

I wonder, if it brings any more

Unbearable pain, or if it feels like floating.

Now here we are,

And five years has passed.

The pills are in her hand,

Her eyes glued to the pink ones.

She stared out at the pink and blue sky,

Two of her favourite colours.

She stared at me one last time,

Before downing all the twenty pills.

She closed her eyes at once,

And told me not to move.

Just to stand there with her,

And hold her hand, for a little while longer.

She looked so peaceful, standing there,

That I couldn't help but wonder.

What in her life could have ever made her, 

Want to so suddenly, end it all?

Ten hours later,

She started to sway,

her words started to slur,

And she couldn't stand properly.

She opened her eyes,

And focused them on me.

We've been through so much together, she said,

But this is the end. Goodbye, and remember,

I will always love you. 

Her sparkling blue eyes,

Faded into blackness.

But yet her smile remained there,

Sleeping so peacefully.

But what I didn't know then,

And what I do know now,

Is that she was tearing herself,

Inside, then out.

The damage had already been done. 

Author's Note

This is what she had always wanted,
What she had always dreamt of.
There was nothing I could do,
But let her chase and catch her dreams.

Reviews

[Woody]

the leaving of a loved one is always hard to accept, particularly in such sad circumstances. this is poignant and sad. so sorry for your loss.

[1Disawsum]

Yes, it always is. You have so many thoughts afterwards, guilt felt, then grievance. Some never feel acceptance, the most important. I'm still in the stage, years from now, trying to figure out what exactly went wrong, what triggered her thoughts, what made her feel the way she felt. It's hard, and many times I've felt too sad to go on. But I have to, I have to do it for her, or maybe only for my thought's sake. Thankyou, it is much appreciated. xxx

[hannah]

i'm so sorry to hear this. rest in peace, elizabeth.
this is a beautiful poem, filled with emotion.

But what I didn't know then,
And what I do know now,
Is that she was tearing herself,
Inside, then out.

this is an achingly beautiful piece. my condolences ❤

800 members tag (Poetry 101)

[1Disawsum]

Thankyou, my best poem, trying to remember the past. It was hard going back into the past, trying to work out what was so wrong. Was it worth the pain? I don't know... Thankyou! xxx

[hannah]

it is true that when you experience something, that is when you can truly write. because the emotions and words that flow from your pen are what is in your heart at that very moment. and remembering the past is always the hardest to write about, because who wants to look backwards and see all the mistakes we've made and the hard things we've had to go through? i think, though, that writing has a sort of freeing to it, and that if you write about what hurt you.. it makes your heart feel much, much lighter. you are very welcome ❤

[1Disawsum]

Yes, I agree totally. I'm not sure about if my heart feels lighter and more free, I don't feel any different than before, but it helps just seeing my thoughts on paper. And posting it on the internet... kind of cements my past on the page, like it'll now never be forgotten. If only by me...

[hannah]

it does help seeing your thoughts, and putting it out there, that helps too c: it will be hard to truly find "closure", but i wish you the best of luck searching for it. you will find it some day. remembering things like this is hard, but i believe that remembering it actually helps you get over it, in a way ^^ again, i am very sorry for your loss

[1Disawsum]

Yes! Yes again, it will be hard to find closure in the facts, but thankyou. Maybe it helps, I haven't exactly figured it out yet. Your comments have made me think. Thankyou...

[DoormanDan]

This is an extremely beautiful poem. I'm sorry for your loss, my thoughts go out to you.

[1Disawsum]

thankyou! :)