The Latest Report

Description of the latest cult.

                       The Latest Report

 

There have been recent sightings of the cult sect ‘Azure Latest’ in downtown Langley.  You may have noticed that all of the blue tulips planted at Blair Pool, were removed Wednesday evening after the pool closed.  Here are some of the identifying features of this group:

1.       Blue lips.

2.       Usually wearing plaid lumber-jack type jackets.

3.       Horizontal tears at the knee in their pants.

4.       No jewelry, makeup or nasal pendants.

5.       Blue toques.

If you are out shopping you might spot them buying caseloads of the popular blue hydration drink that many athletes use.  The group also is sometimes seen attending music performances at the Douglas Park band stand, especially when the punk rock group ‘Blue Is Cool’ is performing.  Tell tale signs that you might be in conversation with an Azure Latest is if they us the phrases “blue is cool” and the more dated expression “right on”.

Apparently correct pronunciation of the group’s name is Aaaah-zzyure Latest.  Some people think the Azure should be pronounced like Aaaah-zzyour-eh, like the Italian national soccer team, on account of the blue uniforms.  This was a notion first espoused by undereducated Canadians who finish many of their observations with the suffix ‘eh’.  Another notion is that the group has Scottish roots because of the plaid jackets and the Scottish association with other cults.  These notions are erroneous and should be disregarded.

We tried contacting the municipal manager and superintendent of the RCMP about the theft of the tulips.  They were unavailable for comment.  It would appear that the authorities are reluctant to acknowledge that Azure Latest has migrated to our community.  Many citizens of our community are concerned that when the Sky Train connects with Langley there will be a surge in Azure Latest activity.

We will make every effort to keep you informed of this groups activities.  If you have relevant information about the group, please contact this newspaper.

Edison Morrow, Investigative Reporter

Reviews

[JD Major]

On behalf of a Grateful Nation, Rafita & Edison, we thank you for this timely BULLETIN!!!
It is incumbent upon every responsible citizen to keep a keen eye out, to monitor & update this situation!!!
,,,Az Ure valiant and wise beyond your years, which are considerable, have you considered choosing a suitable champion to eventually don your mantle?
hahaha! :))

[S.zaynab.kamoonpury]

Hmm lol are they the adult version of smurfs or just fictional like them? Though cartoon smurfs don't steal things if i remember well.
Kudos for this fantastic write.

Plz also read and comment my newest poem too