gunpowder

the fear of opening up to someone: "what if they use my feelings against me?"

i can feel the muzzle of 

your gun under my chin

forcing me to 

look up,

to swallow hard 

at the inevitable thought 

of blood spilling all over the floor;

who'll clean the mess?

will you be the one

to carry this body to its deathbed?

how complicated,

how unfair

that sense of longing for belonging

that fear of feeling too much,

until you can't feel a thing.

how i wish i could pull the trigger for you

but we're back at it again;

oh, didn't you know? 

gunpowder is my favorite smell.

Author's Note

how does this poem make you feel? i'd love to know your personal interpretation of it :)

Reviews

[Vol]

Fen,
Romance is actually made of gunpowder, it used to be made of swords and knives, but we are so much more advanced these days... But it will always be deadly, Keats wrote eloquently about it in La Belle Dame Sans Mercy... The problem is, all people want to do is just target practice.

[fen]

hi Vol, thank you so much for this. it's a very interesting metaphor and i completely agree with it :)

[Akinlolu]

Crazy. Ironic at the surface level. The subject of this poem is clearly in a real dilemma.
But there are questions like "who owns that gun?"
"What if it actually belongs to the victim and he trusted the other guy only to find himself at the tail end of the barrel?"
Why is the would be killer after him? Is he after his money, information or after his life! Or is it a vengeance mission?
Why is the protagonist so cooperative? Has he done something really bad and now an overwhelming sense of guilt makes him want to embrace a form of euthanasia at the end of a barrel?
Of course I don't know. But this piece raises all these questions and I appreciate them as a writer of fiction. An intriguing write.
Akinlolu

[Dennis Wolf]

Reminds me of the few times I found myself on the wrong end of the barrel.. It's nicely written with an interesting idea..
Sure, I guess you could compare showing your vulnerability to the feeling of being held at gunpoint.
I mean.. Both can do damage.. In different ways, though.

[fen]

thank you for your words, Dennis :)
i've been on both sides of the gun... i still am not sure of which one is worse.
i am happy you found it interesting and made you think. thanks again for sharing your opinion, it really means a lot

[Chris Shaw]

Your words are powerful and that gun under the chin terrifying. There is always a risk when you open up to someone, that they may abuse your trust. That’s why you have to choose with care. This poem speaks to me in a big way about trust issues. The imagery is memorable. Thank you for sharing.

Chris

[fen]

thank you so much for your words, Chris. I'm glad you liked it :)

[Chris Shaw]

You are welcome fen.